I’m Kayla. I test things for a living. Usually it’s phones, kitchen gadgets, or apps. I wish I didn’t test this. But I did. Porn addiction sat in the middle of my marriage, and then it sat in the middle of my divorce. So here’s my plain review—what tools helped, what fell flat, and what it actually felt like to live it.
If you need the extended version of how porn addiction collides with legal separation, my candid story on porn addiction and divorce dives even deeper.
A short, honest backstory
We were married eight years. The cracks looked small at first. Late nights. A “dead” phone that wasn’t dead. Tabs that closed a little too fast. You know what? I told myself it was stress. I was tired too.
But there were charges I didn’t know about. Random subscriptions. He’d say, “It’s nothing,” and I’d want to believe. Then came the lies. Not big fireworks lies—little ones that stack like dishes in the sink. Trust didn’t break once. It crumbled.
For him, the rabbit hole often began with what looked like “real people” videos—clips tagged as amateur instead of polished studio scenes. If you’re wondering why that flavor of content feels extra sticky, this candid breakdown of amateur porn explores the psychology behind its pull and shares practical ways to keep curiosity from sliding into secrecy or obsession.
Later, the pattern broadened—when videos weren’t enough, he started scrolling local hookup boards, the kind that popped up after the original Backpage went dark. Pooler, Georgia even has its own section, and a quick glance at the Backpage Pooler classifieds shows how frictionless it can be to pivot from on-screen fantasy to arranging an in-person meet-up, a reality check that pushed me to tighten every digital boundary we had.
Statistics back up what we lived: a study found that couples are significantly more likely to divorce once porn enters the picture (Time).
For an unfiltered summary of what it was like being married to someone with a porn addiction, I’ve laid everything out here.
One night he fell asleep on the couch with his phone half open. The blue light hit the ceiling. My stomach dropped. No pictures needed. I knew.
What I tried (and actually used)
I don’t sell this stuff. I used it. I paid for most of it out of pocket. Some things helped for a while. Some made me mad. I’ll tell you straight.
Covenant Eyes (screen accountability)
- What it is: It watches your screens and sends a report to a person you pick. I set myself and his brother as “allies.”
- Real moment: Saturday morning, my sister texted, “Hey, your report flagged some risky stuff—are you okay?” It was awkward. It also made secrets harder, which mattered.
- What I liked: The secret wasn’t a secret anymore. Reports were clear. Setup didn’t take long.
- What bugged me: Battery drain on his phone. A few false flags (a swimsuit ad on a news site got flagged—ugh). Cost added up month after month.
- Did it help? Yes, but only when we both agreed to it. When he got mad, he found ways around it. That’s the truth.
Brainbuddy (habit change app)
- What it is: Daily tasks, streak counter, quick exercises. Kind of cartoony, but it kept his hands busy when his brain wanted a scroll.
- Real moment: Day 3, he did a breathing drill in the school pickup line. He told me later, “That one kept me from going down a rabbit hole.” I rolled my eyes—and also felt relief.
- What I liked: Simple layout. Short tips. A little cheer every day.
- What bugged me: Pushy notifications. If someone wants a loop hole, they’ll ignore this.
- Did it help? As a sidekick, yes. Alone, no.
Fortify (education and check-ins)
- What it is: Short lessons on urges, triggers, and brain stuff. Daily check-ins.
- Real moment: We watched a video on triggers and paused it three times. We made a list: late nights, fights, and boredom. None of that shocked me. Seeing it written down helped.
- What I liked: The content was plain and easy. The daily check-in caught dips before a crash.
- What bugged me: Some parts felt teen-ish. He hated the tone. I didn’t care—I like straight talk.
- Did it help? Yes, for language and structure. It gave us the words we didn’t have.
DNS filters (OpenDNS / CleanBrowsing)
- What it is: You set your Wi-Fi to block adult sites. Think of it like a bouncer at the door.
- Real moment: The home Wi-Fi blocked a site, so he switched to cellular and got around it. My heart sank. A filter can’t fix willingness.
- What I liked: Easy win for shared devices at home. Good for kids too.
- What bugged me: VPNs beat it. Cellular beats it. It’s a gate with holes.
- Did it help? A little. Good as a layer, not a cure.
I Am Sober (streak tracker)
- What it is: Tracks days free from a thing. Has daily pledges.
- Real moment: He hit 14 days and showed me. I said, “I’m proud of you.” That sentence felt heavy and light at the same time.
- What I liked: Simple, clean, daily rhythm.
- What bugged me: The community comments can be noisy and sometimes sad to read.
- Did it help? Yes, for momentum.
Therapy (solo, couples, and a group)
- What it is: He met with a therapist who knew about compulsive sexual behavior. I saw my own therapist. We tried couples sessions for a bit. He also sat in a men’s group once a week.
- Real moment: In session, he said, “I don’t want to want it.” My eyes burned. I believed him, and I didn’t. Both can be true in the same body.
- What I liked: A pro gave names to the mess. Boundaries got clearer. The group gave him peers who didn’t judge.
- What bugged me: Cost. Time. And sometimes, hearing things I didn’t want to hear. Like, “You’re allowed to leave.”
- Did it help? Yes. Therapy didn’t save our marriage. It saved my sense of self.
The divorce part no one explains
You think it’s just papers and signatures. It’s not. It’s phone records and bank statements. Your lawyer may ask for device history. Subscription names are blunt. Seeing them on a page is a punch. I learned to breathe through it.
Real example: Mediation day, they asked about screen use around the kids. I kept the answer simple. We set clear rules: no phones in bedrooms, no private browsing on shared devices, filters on home Wi-Fi, and adult talk stays with adults. Protecting the kids became the north star.
Money note: Apps were 10 to 20 bucks a month each. Therapy ran me around a hundred per session. Legal fees were… a lot. I had to pick what mattered most. Therapy and clear boundaries paid back the most.
What actually helped me (and him), side by side
- Make secrecy hard: Accountability apps plus check-ins. Not perfect, but better than nothing.
- Keep it boring: Phone stays out of the bedroom. Chargers in the kitchen. Timers on Wi-Fi.
- Write it down: Triggers list. A “call first” plan. If X happens, then we do Y. We stuck it on the fridge like a chore chart. Not cute, but it worked.
- Tell the truth early: Slips happen. Lying about a slip hurt more than the slip.
I once mapped out the entire porn addiction cycle—seeing it in black-and-white explained why those lies felt inevitable unless the cycle itself got interrupted. - Separate care: His recovery is his. My healing is mine. Sounds cold. It’s actually warm.
Things that made it worse
- Playing detective at 2 a.m. I did it. I got sick from it.
- Shaming talk. It fired up shame, which fed the cycle. I learned that the hard way.
- Magical thinking about apps. Tools help, but they don’t replace trust or choice.
A few small wins that kept me going
- A day with no lies felt bigger than a day with no urges.
- A walk at night beat a fight at night.
- Saying, “I’m not safe yet,” gave me room to breathe.
Would I recommend these tools?
- Covenant Eyes: Yes, if both people agree and you accept quirks.
- Brainbuddy: Yes, as a daily nudge.
- Fortify: Yes, for shared language and simple lessons.
- DNS filters: Yes, as a layer, not a fix.
- I Am Sober: Yes, for streaks and check-ins