My Husband’s Porn Addiction: What Helped, What Hurt, and What We Changed

Posted byvanattaamiot

I’m Kayla. I wish this wasn’t my story, but it is. I’m sharing it because someone might need a real review of what it’s like, and what tools and steps actually helped us.
If you want the unabridged version—including every messy detail—I laid it out in My Husband’s Porn Addiction: What Helped, What Hurt, and What We Changed.

I’m not here to shame anyone. I’m here to tell the truth. And yes, I’ll give real examples.

The Moment Everything Snapped

It wasn’t one huge thing. It was small things that piled up.

  • He took his phone to the bathroom, every time. Even for “a quick shower.”
  • He hid the screen when I walked by.
  • He stayed up late with “work,” yet looked wrecked the next day.
  • He got snappy when I asked simple questions, like “Are you okay?”

One night, after the kids were asleep, I asked, “Are you watching porn?” He said, “No, just Reddit.” Then I saw his history on the TV app. It wasn’t Reddit.

I felt the floor drop out. I stared at the laundry basket and couldn’t blink. It sounds silly, but the socks felt like bricks. You know what? It’s not the porn link that hurts most. It’s the lying.

How It Felt (And Still Feels Some Days)

I felt small. I felt plain. I felt foolish. Then I felt angry, then numb. It came in waves. I also felt relief that I wasn’t “crazy.” My gut had been waving a big red flag.

He cried. He said he hated it. He said he tried to stop. He said he didn’t know how.
Understanding the roots of the struggle mattered, and this breakdown of why men get addicted to porn gave us language for the “why.”

I wanted to fix it fast. I also wanted to throw his phone into the river. Both can be true.

What Didn’t Work (We Tried It)

  • “Just stop.” He told himself that for years. Didn’t work for a week.
  • Me checking his phone 10 times a day. It made me anxious and made him sneaky.
  • Fighting about it at 11 p.m. when we were both tired. That never went well.
  • Pretending it was no big deal. That made me swallow pain. And it came back louder.

For anyone who isn’t married yet but is already seeing these warning signs, this account of dating a sex addict shows what early patterns can look like.

The Stuff That Actually Helped Us

Not magic. Not perfect. But real tools and steps that moved us forward.

  • A therapist who knew sex addiction (CSAT). We found one through a local clinic. $140 per session. Worth it. He had his own sessions; we had a few together too.
  • A support group for him. He tried SA meetings. He also checked out Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) online. Sitting in a circle was scary, but hearing “me too” helped.
  • A support group for me. I went to a partners group. I learned I didn’t cause it, and I can still set rules that keep me safe.
  • Phone tools we actually used:
    • Covenant Eyes for accountability. $17 a month. Reports go to a partner (that was me at first, later a trusted friend).
    • Canopy for blocking content. It filtered a lot on both Wi-Fi and data. Not perfect, but strong.
    • iPhone Screen Time with a 4-digit passcode that he didn’t control. I held the code. We blocked adult sites, private browsing, and app downloads.
    • CleanBrowsing filter on our home router. Free plan. It blocked a lot at the source.
    • Online community support: forums like NoFap offered daily check-ins and stories that reminded him he wasn’t alone.
    • To know exactly which domains needed blocking, we skimmed this roundup of no-strings-attached adult sites—it catalogs the most common hookup and porn platforms so you can add them to your filter list and stay ahead of potential triggers.
    • We also realized that some temptations weren't mainstream porn sites at all but local classified boards that advertise casual encounters. Exploring an example like the Bell Gardens personals page—Backpage Bell Gardens—showed us how location-specific ads can bypass generic filters and gave us a concrete URL to block before it could become a problem.
  • A shared plan written down. Rules on one page. Clear and simple.
  • Faith-based guidance: We also read through this Christian resource that offered practical, grace-filled steps.

Here’s what our first plan looked like:

  • No phone in the bathroom or bedroom after 9 p.m. Phone docked in the kitchen.
  • No private screens after 9 p.m., period. If he needed to work, laptop stayed in the living room.
  • If he slipped, he told me within 24 hours. No detail dumps; just date, time, what triggered it, and what he’ll do next.
  • Two check-ins a week. Tuesday and Saturday, 20 minutes, timer on, no yelling. We used a silly sand timer from our board games.
  • One accountability buddy for him (not me). A guy he texted if he felt shaky.
  • One soft thing for me each week: a walk with a friend, or a bath with my phone off.

Simple, right? It was hard anyway. But we stuck to it.

If you're on the boyfriend–girlfriend side of the equation, this story about loving someone with a porn addiction may help you map your next steps.

Real-Life Scenes From Our House

  • The toothbrush rule: He used to watch in the bathroom. So he started brushing his teeth in the kitchen with his phone docked. It felt goofy at first. Then it became normal.
  • The cue card: On his desk, a small card said “HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.” If two of those were true, he texted his buddy before working late.
  • The living room laptop: He watched a game on the TV while I folded laundry, and I noticed fast tab-switching. I said, calm voice, “Do you need a break?” He sighed, shut the laptop, and took a short walk. I took a breath too. Small victory.
  • The slip: Three months in, he slipped while traveling. He told me that same night. I cried. He called his buddy, booked an extra session, and sent me the steps he’d take. Trust didn’t grow from words. It grew from those steps.

What I Learned About Me

I wasn’t needy. I was hurting.

I set a boundary that surprised me: “I won’t share a bed if you’re acting out and hiding it.” It felt harsh. It wasn’t. After one lie, I slept in the guest room for two nights. We hugged the kids at breakfast. No drama. But the boundary stood. He got the message. I did too: I can be kind and firm at the same time.

Also, I stopped being the cop. I wasn’t his parole officer. The accountability buddy took that role. I stayed the partner.
Learning to spot my own codependent tendencies echoed what I read in this honest take on being a codependent of a sex addict.

Cost, Time, Energy: The Honest Review

For another brutally honest scorecard from a different marriage, check out this review of being married to someone with a porn addiction.

  • Money: Therapy ran us about $560 a month for a while. Apps were around $25 a month total. Pain is costly, but so is peace.
  • Time: Two check-ins a week. One group meeting for him. One walk for me. This ate up time, yes. But so does fighting.
  • Energy: High at first. Then it leveled out. The routine helped.

Is it perfect? No. Is it better? Yes.

Who This Helps (And Who Needs More)

  • Helps if your partner wants help, even if they’re scared.
  • Helps if you both agree to outside support—therapist, group, mentor.
  • Helps if you set clear, kind boundaries and keep them.

If you’re weighing whether the marriage can survive, this reflection on porn addiction and divorce—what broke and what helped might provide perspective.

You’ll need more help if there’s lying