Your biggest challenge in overcoming pornography addiction by TTF Staff July 12 2008
" The internet has made porn addicts out of people who, before the net, would never have had a problem "
Different forms of pornography have been available for centuries and can be traced back to ancient cultures. However, for the majority of people pornography was not the problem it is today before the arrival of the internet. Acquiring pornography prior to the net required work. People had to actually go out and exert effort to find it, and often times there was a stigma or shame involved in the process. For many, the thought of actually having to stand in a checkout line to purchase pornography was enough of a deterrent to keep them away. If you had a stash of porn and decided that you wanted to clean up your act and get it out of your life, it carried a lot more finality than it does today.
" The single biggest challenge when it comes to achieving sexual integrity is the instant access of the internet "
We now live in a very different time, and the single biggest challenge when it comes to achieving sexual integrity is the instant access of the internet. The internet provides easy access, anonymity, and a quick delivery system that makes the situation much more difficult and complicated. Practically every mobile device is wired to the net and accessing porn is easier than ever, and becomes more and more available daily. The internet is available twenty-four hours a day and is always on. Pornography is widely available, is available in abundance for free, and usually has no adult verification or warning before entering such a site. For people with little discipline, will power or self control, this can be disastrous in the long run. We are just now becoming aware of the implications of this and the result is a highly sexualized, superficial and image conscious culture resulting in more and more unhappy couples and relationships.
" Other factors are ...boredom, curiosity, and time alone. "
Other factors that lead people to unhealthy sexual behaviors are boredom, curiosity, and time alone. Having a lot of free time on the computer with no one around can have an end result that was never intended, and can frequently lead to behavioral patterns that can be difficult to break once arrived at. Often the situation starts out innocently enough, but things can quickly spiral out of control and it can be challenging to "undo" what has been done and recover your integrity. The idea of a quick "peek" at something can easily turn into a compulsive behavior that is very difficult to break.
" Porn use thrives in secrecy. "
Once the pattern of porn use has been established, the next factor that plays a large role is secrecy. Porn use thrives in secrecy and users frequently describe living double lives. People can be very good at hiding this addiction and many partners may be deceived about their relationship issues and have no idea that pornography could be the real culprit and the reason for many arguments and problems.
" Out of all the compulsive behaviors that affect people, internet pornography is the most accessible and difficult to eliminate. "
In some regards other compulsive behaviors have it easier. Alcoholics have to go out and buy their drink, drug addicts have to purchase their drugs, etc. For those struggling to overcome pornography addiction, the problem is much more challenging. With a few clicks of the mouse, in literally seconds, we can go from engaging in constructive, innocent activities on the internet to navigating to some of the most offensive material ever, all in a blink. None of the other addictions face this kind of instant accessibility.
Many people get to the point where they are so fed up that they get rid of the internet or their computer altogether to regain control over their lives. For some the damage that pornography has done justifies these drastic measures.
However, there is a problem with this method. More and more, life is moving online. People are expected to use computers and the internet to access their banking, news, bills, email, and more. The internet is daily becoming more integrated into our lives and it is becoming more and more difficult to pull the plug. There has to be another way!
" Understanding the long term impact of our decisions helps us make better choices with what we consume. "
The way to sanity and sexual integrity involves discipline, dedication, and a shift in values and thought processes. We must think. We must understand the issues associated with pornography from both sides, the user and those who care for them. This understanding makes it much easier to make the choice to reject it. It is essential to fully understand the implications of our actions. The people selling pornography would much rather you think that there are no consequences to your actions. Women are told to put up with it, it's a way of life now, and everybody is doing it. In fact, if you don't like porn or want it in your life, you are a prude or some kind of nut. Women should feel lucky that their partners use porn rather than cheating on them. Don't be deceived, this shift in values has not happened overnight and has been carefully designed.
" Billions of dollars are spent every year to make you believe you need pornography, it's normal, and that everybody does it. "
Sex by nature is pleasurable, and we are wired to enjoy it and seek it out biologically for the survival of our species. Marketing, advertising, entertainment, consumer products, and of course pornographers know this fact well, and use it to sell products and make a profit off this natural instinct that all people have. Corporations have invested billions of dollars to create this new status quo and few realize how many dollars are spent to make you believe that it is a truth and that everybody does it. But the truth is in the results, and more and more people are waking up to the fact that pornography doesn't help, but in fact hurts them more than they may be fully aware of. People are starting to realize that what they thought was just a quick release and casual fun can spiral out of control into something that keeps them from experiencing the fullness of life and relationships.
" Sex is one of the most powerful naturally occurring forces, and people have used it since recorded history to make a profit. "
Unfortunately for us consumers, things that feel good can easily lead to compulsive behaviors that are unhealthy and destructive to ourselves and those who care for us. People who get involved in pornography may not be fully aware of the implications and impact it will have on their outlook, views and the way they relate to the opposite sex. Perhaps if they did, they would at least approach with trepidation, or not at all. Unfortunately we are sold the line that there's no harm in it, and if a little is good, then a lot must be better.
" If pornography truly created lasting happiness and stronger relationships, built character and helped people...this would be a non-issue. "
If pornography truly created lasting happiness and stronger relationships, built character, and helped people in their lives then there would be no problem and it would be a non-issue. Fundamentally, sex is not bad, and people should not feel guilty for having a natural interest in it, and it is certainly something to be enjoyed under the proper conditions. Regarding pornography, people are sold the line that everybody does it, so it must be ok. Anyone who questions porn use must be a conservative prude or religious nut. After all, who doesn't like things that make them feel good? Since there have been no serious studies or tests to generate data which could shed scientific light on the subject, we are currently forced to go on the results that we see it producing in the lives of those who use it.
"Pornography is often the silent 3rd partner that isn't easily detected until there are serious relationship problems . "
When it comes to couples and relationships, porn is the silent third partner, for men a sort of mistress in the relationship. It can lead to disinterest in intimacy altogether with a real life partner, and can bring many other negative side effects, including depression, anxiety, inability to create and maintain relationships, loss of sleep and energy, declining physical and mental conditions, loss of job, marriage and breakup of the family. When they first start to get into porn, few people realize how far down the road the addiction can take them.
" Children are now growing up completely out of touch with what real, natural intimacy is supposed to be like. "
Children are now introduced to pornography at such an early age that they rarely get to discover what real, natural intimacy is like. Kids are becoming increasingly sexual at earlier and earlier ages compared to generations that have gone before. They don't know how to relate or please their partners when they grow up. They are fed pre-scripted examples of what men and women are supposed to look and act like. Kids grow up with expectations that real life is going to be like the porn fantasy, and when they finally realize that reality isn't anything like this illusion, it is often too late. Many think that marriage will solve the problem, and the porn issue will just disappear. They are hooked on porn, and for many it will be like this for the rest of their lives. They never learn how to truly connect with and appreciate their partners and learn behaviors that lead to healthy, happy, and lasting relationships. They have a secret partner, and that partner is pornography, and it can make it impossible to connect fully to those who care most for them in the real world.
" It is critical to understand why pornography doesn't offer you a long term solution to happiness. "
It is critical to understand why pornography doesn't offer you a long term solution to filling you up or make you happy. If you don't, and you haven't spent some time to think things through, then it isn't likely you will make much progress on this very difficult problem. Using pornography for a quick boost actually does the opposite. Instead of picking you up and making you feel better, it leaves you wanting more and more. While porn may offer some temporary relief and enjoyment, in the long term the trade off is hardly worth it. Left uncontrolled, it can lead to more and more porn seeking and less care or concern for things that are happing in the real world, and gradually life begins to unravel as you spend more time in the fantasy searching something that only lasts a few moments, instead of seeking lasting happiness in your own life. Understanding this is key to recovery.
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ThroughTheFlame.org is a non-profit grass roots organization made up of volunteers who feel passionate about educating people about the reality of pornography and sexual addictions so that they can make better choices in their lives and better understand the implications of their choices and actions for themselves and those who care for them.
