I have lived a very much Jekyll and Hyde life without actually realising it. My Jekyll side is genuinely a nice guy, who loves life and all that is has to offer. I love my family and friends, and enjoy company from people from all walks of life. I love to laugh; I love to give my loved ones unconditional happiness.

My Hyde side:
Im alone, just me and a computer. I pause for a few moments, acknowledging what I am about to do. What is my plan of attack?
My eyes focus, one hand on the mouse, one on the keyboard, poised. On your marks, Get set, GO….

Frantic clicking, from site to site, downloading images and videos. Heart is racing, as I become a multi tasking king, downloading from a variety of places, building on this mountain of P, that I will soon dive into, and provide myself with a complete high.

So I dive in, and did not get the high, I need more, and more, the same just doesn’t do it anymore, I need more, I need different.

Times up, I wont be alone for much longer. I must cover all my trails; I must hide all this activity. No one must suspect my little indulgences, and then it won’t hurt anyone. After all, I am entitled to my own time, and my own indulgences aren’t I?

Jekyll returns:
I feel very low, very glum. My partner is annoying me. She hasn’t said anything, but she is just looking at me like I have done something wrong. I don’t know what her problem is! I haven’t done anything! I feel very irritated, but for some reason I feel slightly guilty, I don’t know why. She still looks at me like there is something wrong. Have I left a clue? I need to check, if she finds out, she will scream again, and I am really not in the mood for that again. I don’t know what the big deal is, it’s not like i’m cheating is it!

Great! I forgot to clear the history! I am such an idiot! Shall I get upset, or shall I scream back?….hmmmm let me see where she goes with this…..

You want to leave me, WHAT!!! I think we will go for screaming this time… Everyone on this planet looks at stuff; it’s not the end of the world, why are you making such a big deal of it? Would you prefer if I cheated with a real woman?
What do you mean it’s like I have? Its not, I am here! I am always here. I think you are really making a big drama out of this! If you want to break up this family, that’s your prerogative, not me, I am here with you. Its you that wants to walk out!

Ok that should do it….. I will let her cry and chill out for a bit now. Then I will go in a bit more sensitive…..

I’m sorry darling…I understand it must have upset you, and I know I have promised many times before, I really understand that you don’t like it, and it must make you feel inadequate. I promise I won’t do this again. I do love you, and I am attracted to you, but the more you say don’t do something, the more I want too. It’s over, I promise, it wont happen again.

Ok I think that’s ok now…. I am such an idiot; I will be good for a while now and let things simmer down.

How long can I carry on, with Jekyll covering for Hyde? The Hyde is starting to take over completely and drown out the Jekyll, the real person, which my partner loves.

I don’t know why I am like this, deep down, P really doesn’t do all that much for me. But when I am in the moment, I am like a kid in a candy store!

I need help, things just aren’t right, and I am on a very fine line, one more slip up, and I will lose it all. I saw on a search engine a site called ThroughtheFlame, I need to have a look, and see if there are others like me, and how they are helping themselves, to control this. I do not want to be a slave to this anymore.

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This is a repost of a forum thread by a TTF.org member, Foolishmind.
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