Trying to get porn addict to understand
By Hopeful59

Hopeful59 created this fictional scenario post on the Throughtheflame.org forums to intially make her partner understand how she was feeling about porn addiction by turning the tables around.

SCENARIO: Husband comes home to find wife being "entertained" by numerous men - all buff, perfect and gorgeuous.

Husband: Whats going on here?

Wife: I was just, you know, enjoying myself.

HUSBAND: What do you mean?

WIFE: Well, you know, our s*x life isn't exactly satisfying for me, so I've been utilizing their services.

HUSBAND: You mean you've been cheating on me? How long has this been going on?

WIFE: Oh, relax. I'm not cheating. I just look, watch. It's nothing for you to worry about. I mean, really, this has been going on forever.

HUSBAND: So while I'm at work this is what you do?

WIFE: At work, while you're playing golf, just whenever I feel the need. It's great – they're available 24/7. It's incredibly satisfying, not at all like what we have.

HUSBAND: You don't think this is cheating?

WIFE: Of course not. They don't touch me; I don't touch them. Well, at least nothing like that has gone on so far. I admit, lately it's been tempting to take it a little further though.

HUSBAND: But we're married! You're not supposed to share this part of your life with anyone else.

WIFE: I know we're married, silly. Don't I keep a nice house for you? Take care of your kids? Haven't I been a good wife? Look, I love you, but, let's face it. These guys are well… gorgeous. They'll do anything I want and I don't have to do anything for them at all. Some of them really get wild!

HUSBAND: I'm not enough for you?

WIFE: Well, the experience is just so much more intense with them. It's so exciting….

HUSBAND: I admit I'm not buff and 20 anymore, but neither are you. Have you thought about that?

WIFE: [shrugs] Honestly, it's not really about you.

HUSBAND: These same guys come over every time?

WIFE: Hmm. Well, I do have some favorites – like Jim – wow! But, usually I get bored after awhile and have to find new guys – it keeps things spicy. And, some are more much more adventurous than others.

HUSBAND: And you just look and watch them? They don't touch you and you don't touch them?

WIFE: Well of course I MB.

HUSBAND: And you don't think it's wrong? No wonder you have no interest in me. Are you telling me that you don't feel guilty about sneaking around, about having a secret life, about having s*xual experiences outside of our marriage? What about your commitment to be faithful to me?

WIFE: Sometimes I feel a little guilty but I wasn't try to hurt you. What's the big deal? I've been doing this for years. It's the way I handle my needs. As long as you didn't know about it, it wasn't hurting anyone.

HUSBAND: Well, it's hurting me now. You think it doesn't kill me to know that you'd rather spend your s*xual energy with them, than with me? No wonder you've been so distant. No wonder you don't want me in that way. Look at these guys. Some of them are young enough to be your children. It's ludicrous. It's disgusting.

WIFE: I don't understand why you're acting this way. This is not about you or our marriage.

HUSBAND: It IS about me and it IS about our marriage! I feel betrayed. When I think about how many times you've lied to me over the years! All those times I asked you about things I found, suspicions I had – you always denied everything: YOU LOOKED IN MY EYES AND LIED TO ME! I feel like such a fool. I trusted you. It never occurred to me that you would do something like this. I didn't think you were that kind of person. You took the most intimate part of our relationship, something that was just supposed to be just between us, and shared it with these strangers. Do you realize I'll probably never be able to trust you again? Every time I leave the house, I'll wonder what you're doing and who you're doing it with. Every time the phone rings, I'll wonder if you're making arrangements – the idea makes me want to throw up! I deserve a wife who will be faithful to me, who will give herself only to me. Wasn't that part of our marriage vows?

WIFE: I haven't been unfaithful … technically.

HUSBAND: You have been unfaithful. You've been having s*xual experiences with other people. You've looked at other men with lust and desire. Whether you've actually touched them or whether they've actually touched you is immaterial to me. God only knows what you were thinking about or who you were thinking about the few times we've been together lately.

WIFE: You're overreacting. I think you're just inhibited. Every woman does this. Most men are just so bad at s*x that we have to. Hey, maybe this is something we could share together.

HUSBAND: No, I'm not overreacting and I'm not inhibited. I have no desire to invite a bunch of strangers into my s*x life so you can forget that. Look, it's either me or them. I'm not going to compromise on this issue. You figure out what you want, because it either stops or I'm gone.

Through The Flame - The online support community for pornography addiction.

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Hopeful59.
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