What porn gives vs. what it takes from you in return? - by Illumination

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This article is part of the June Writing Challenge on the topic "What porn gives vs. what it takes from you in return?" The winner will be announced the first week of July. Members may submit entries up till July 1st!
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"Discuss what porn gives vs. what it takes from you in return?"
by Illumination

What does porn give? My immediate reaction is to say nothing. Ultimately, like all addictions, whether to tobacco, porn, or mental habits, it gives nothing. As soon as one submits to an addiction it is like ceasing to exist. Trying and failing to resist it is a painful struggle between fragments of a split self. But there must be a reason why we keep going back to it.

The first thing, I believe, is the habit of addiction itself. We are addicted to addiction. All the cultural propaganda of our culture, in advertising and the mass media, is trying to addict us to something – money, consumption, junk food, alcohol, reactionary political slogans… our minds and bodies are prepared and developed for addiction from the day we are born – for some people in the womb. We are encouraged to get our self-worth by getting objects, honours, sexual partners, pseudo spiritual ‘experiences’, all of which tell us ‘I have that, therefore I am such and such’. It’s like getting a treat from your mum for being a good little boy or girl, tapping into the reward conditioning psychology and associating parental or social approval with the getting of physical or symbolic objects. And the sexual response is an extremely powerful way to condition a person, perhaps the most powerful, or at least equal to the hunger response. The cycle of addictive desire and disappointing fulfilment is what we are addicted to. Porn is particularly effective at creating the split mindset where we both want and don’t want something at the same time. We want it but we don’t want to want it. Splitting the mind separates us from ourselves and seems to block out the pain of existence but at the same time it increases the pain. At the same time and in the same moment. And then the splitting creates more pain, that makes us want to split again to escape the pain, alienating us from ourselves further and creating more pain…

Here’s an analogy. I like to eat healthily. Generally I do. Sometimes I feel an urge to eat something not so healthy, like some crisps (that’s potato chips to non-British English speakers) or something. Usually I give in to the craving. I eat the crisps. But when I really reflect on my experience and really consciously taste them, I often find it’s not actually a pleasurable experience, and I feel like a fool for giving in to an addiction that’s not even pleasurable. Sometimes I resist it and have a piece of fruit or a carrot instead. And it turns out to be the nicest thing I’ve ever eaten. The thing is that the addictive foods are the ones that create that splitting from the self. The taste is not pleasurable in itself. But the sheer shock to the body of all the fat, salt, sugar, chemicals and so on creates that effect of self-alienation, and that’s the essence of addiction.

So that’s what porn gives, in a massively powerful way, horribly twisted with degradation, shame and guilt. All part of the cycle. The shame and guilt are part of what creates the solid wall of emotional pain driving us towards the next binge. It doesn’t give pleasure. It doesn’t give satisfaction. If there is any sexual release, that pleasure comes from our own bodies, not from porn, and the physical pleasure is polluted by the degradation inflicted by the images.

What does porn take away? It takes time. It takes energy. For a lot of people it takes money. It takes away our will-power, subjecting us to control by a sick, split-off fragment of our selves. It takes away the capacity for true sexual communication with another human being. For many people it destroys relationships, marriages and families. For men it takes our semen, our precious life-essence. By maintaining the cycle of addiction it weakens our ability to deal with other addictions and psychological problems. Blocking our sexuality and trapping us in a cycle of binge and regret, it stops us from continuing our spiritual journey deeper into ourselves. It can take away our respect for ourselves and others to the point where we see ourselves as rabid, drooling, lecherous perverts and other human beings, those mysterious and infinite entities, as the objects of a debased sexual desire.

There is one real thing porn has given me. It has given me insight into the degrading horror of porn. It has given me insight into the psychology, culture and economics of addiction. It has shown me the intricate dialectical processes by which psychic splitting and the whole cycle of escape, pain and addiction occur. It has shown me that my mind is more powerful than the addictive snares that attack me in life. It has given me the opportunity to develop, together with others, techniques to help myself and others with addiction. For the lessons learned in battle I salute my enemy, but it must die.