How does porn influence our ideas about sexuality and the opposite sex? - by Cmperry

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How does porn influence our ideas about sexuality and the opposite sex?
by Cmperry (SO)

The world is changing before my very eyes. The internet revolution has taken over, morals, values; self respect and decency are becoming a thing of the past. Pornography has not only changed my views on sexuality and the opposite sex, but about the same sex as well.

As a child I was the furthest thing from shy you could possibly be. As I grew older this started to fade, by about age 10, I had become a very modest person. There is no real reason, I have never been abused, it was just me growing into my skin I guess. I have always been happy being modest, I even adopted “modesty is the best policy” here recently. But it seems as though I’m in the wrong time for modesty, that too is becoming a thing of the past. I never believed in censorship until recently, due to my parents being hippies, but like I said the world is changing.

My views on men have not really been greatly affected, for my father did not indulge pornography, so when I hear “every man does it” I’ve always had a rebuttal. My views on my husband have been greatly destroyed though, I just don’t feel what I once felt for him, I feel he does not value this relationship or myself the way that I value him, I don’t really respect or trust him anymore, I feel I have lost a great friend. He can be sitting right next to me, and still make me feel so very alone. When we first met, it was like nothing I had ever known before, I felt so loved, cherished, I felt love, but it just seems to be slipping further and further from my grasp.

My views on women have been greatly altered. Anymore, I just resent women, I resent that I cannot have a good day with my husband because they are everywhere, degrading themselves, and degrading me in the process. Everywhere I look, there they are all those women, mocking me, telling me I’m not good enough. Standing in the line at the grocery store, I cannot escape, driving down the road, I cannot escape, television shows, commercials, movies, mail advertisements, I cannot escape. Now I understand his hell.

I am angry with them, for they give him things that I don’t believe I can. I hate them for they are everything I cannot afford to be.

Sex will never be the same, how could it be? Just as men cannot release the images, nor can I. I cannot stop thinking that what is most likely going through his head is not me, I cannot release the image of me compared to them, how could I compare? I cannot forget that he would rather look to them, than feel me. I no longer feel I am a sexual being, I no longer feel like a woman, I feel I may only be heart and soul, no body worth noticing. Constantly trying to stand next to a porn star in bed makes me feel worthless, I cannot do those things, the majority of the are degrading and painful, and how could anyone enjoy such a thing. I always thought sex was an act to be SHARED by two people behind closed doors, I private sensual act. There is nothing sensual about it.

Then I must remind myself of all that I have read from Shelly Luben, they don’t enjoy this, it’s just how they make there money, but they are in pain and suffering while showing people this is how it’s supposed to be? And they do it with smiles? Porn stars are fantastic actors, for no woman could enjoy such things.

Which brings me back to my feelings about women, I then start to feel guilty for hating them, but I just cannot help my rage, then I just tell myself I’m sure they were just like you once, modest, quiet, stuck, and broke.

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This article is part of the May Writing Challenge. If you like this article best, vote for it here:
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[TbonePlyr]

Even though I am a member of the opposite gender I can understand how you feel. Thank you by the way for this post. I certainly am benefiting from learning the way the other mind works and thinks.

All of your fears and concerns are legitimate and I believe that they can be resolved with time. It is just up to you and your husband.

I have heard it can be tricky if the wife finds out. What a devistating blow!! Men and Women think differently. But you seem to have the right attitude and approach. You seem to want to understand and not criticize but at the same time having zero tolerance for this pathology. Forgiveness is a big word. Your plight is a difficult one. Maybe just as difficult as the man who is battling this beast.

You ask some hard questions. They will be answered between you and your husband I am sure.

I believe you could make a case that most of the females in that industry are not happy at all. They are into drugs and even perfer the same sex because of the brutality of the industry. But at the same time, they started out desiring to be in that industry. The "almighty" dollar (which aint worth much these days) is what drives them to do what they are doing to you. Yes.. I said to you. They have a part in this and I think you know that from your post. I just cant understand how they could do that. What they do, with whom they do it and with what at times... They collect the dough... and we (both genders including the children) suffer. Do they really understand what they are doing to society? Do they care? Or do they, just like any other greeeeeeedddyyyyyy, slimmy money grubbing hack out there, justify their destructive actions as there "rights" and "freedoms?" The actions of so few... DESTROYING THE LIVES OF SO MANY!

I AM MAD.

[Avegan]

Amazing writing, Cmperry.

[jasmine]

cmperry, I made my boyfriend read your article, and he especially loved the ending. Anyway, I think it really had an impact on him, so I wanted to thank you. You definitely clarified some of my feelings to him.

[Inshi]

Well said Cmperry! Couldn have said it any better. You tipped my mind out. It was sad and reassuring to read. Loved it!

[cmperry]

Thank you all very much! I can't wait to hear from all of you on the next article!

[rogerdodger]

That was a revelation. Thank you so much for a wonderful piece of writing.

[Jon Doe 109]

Serious stuff there. Made my heart ache...

[SeniorPa]

I completely understand your feelings. My SO1 has told me that she felt lower than than a snake's belly, and lost all self esteem because I left her for no apparent reason.
The real reason I left was that I was so engrossed in Porn that I left her to find a life of hedonism like the fantasies of the porn I was watching. To my everlasting shame, I found that it was degrading and not at all fulfilling. At the time I did not realize that my actions were motivated by porn. Thirty years have passed, and my SO1 and I are becoming close again. I will be confessing my addiction to her this week. Please take heart. Let your husband know he's loved and encourage him to fight his addiction and pay more attention to you. If he's smart he will listen and try to fight his PA.