Telling our parents?

[SEBoK]

The problem with me is, I know my parents could never find out because I use an iPod touch, and I always clear my history and delete everything as soon as I'm done with it, For this reason, I want to get a porn blocker installed, which means I have to tell my parents everything. My mom (whom I currently live with) knows I've been looking in the past, but now I don't think she has any clue. Part of me is in denial about this problem, and that part of me speaks up whenever I think of spilling it out. How did you guys do it? I have no idea how I'm supposed to start that sort of conversation...

[Desert Ghost]

SEBoK,

I know that this will be hard to hear, but just be very honest with yourself and your parent. An explain that you have come to realize that you have a P problem and that you need help to kick it. Because if you start the lies and secrets now it will only become hard to deal with as you get older and it will affect everything in you life. An if you have and understanding parent that's great.

When I was a teen I had no one which caused me to travel a road that has lead me to where I am now. A 50+ PA trying to piece his life and relationship back together because of the lies and secrets that I learn from the parents who raised me never realizing what they were doing to me.

[outofhiding]

I'm new here, but the more I think about and envision recovery, I see telling my parents as the last step. Once it's all gone, maybe I'll tell them "Look, this used to be the case, it's not any more, but i wanted you to know". We'll wait and see though. The only thing that's certain right now is that I can't tell them right away, for various reasons and circumstances. But it *is* something I'd like to do eventually.

[Daniel]

outofhiding & SEBok,

The concept of telling your parents solid.

This should be the natural thing for you to think under the circumstances: telling the people who (arguably) care for you and love you more than anyone else in the world.

If (God forbid) your parents are abusive or emotionally/physically distant, then it would be a different story.

I am a parent. I would want to know. I would do everything and anything within my power and ability to help the child get through the challenge, whatever it is.

This is not to say that your revelation will go smoothly. Indeed, there may be a blow up, but I can only imagine they would want to help you and would provide badly needed emotional support during a very stressful time.

Plus you get to experience the world-class emotional uplift of "NOW THEY KNOW!", and all of the weight-off-my-shoulders, free-feeling, blank-slate, fresh-clean-start -isms that can be a very powerful launching pad into a new way of daily living.

But in the end the choice is yours to make. And you need to make the best call you can with what you know now.

Either way you decide, TTF will always be here to help.

Daniel

[exteberria]

Hey Guys,
Something I did, was cut off my access to the internet, because regardless, isn't the internet just a distraction anyway?
I found that having the internet would distract me from my studies, even if I wasn't using p.

[Daniel]

exteberria,

Yes and No.

For folks in the situation where the web is a distraction, then "Absolutely", just getting rid of the access is the easiest solution -for the Short Term only.

Having that access is just the leaves on the tree. If the access is done away with (put away/dismantle PC/cancel accounts, etc.) and the addiction is not faced and treated, then the "acting out" part will manifest some other place/some other form.

But for a short-term solution I completely agree. This is what our member Jack said he was going to do quite a while back and he's (unsurprisingly) not here anymore (presumably because he's not online anymore). Hopefully he has moved on in a healthy life.

And then there is a large segment of people who use the web everyday for a lot of the day because it's part of their job or a requirement for study etc. Companies have varying amounts of filtering, from near "lock-down" to no filtering at all.

Thus the challenges can remain, depending on circumstances...

Daniel

[exteberria]

Sorry I should have clarified my post.
I meant cut off internet access at the home. That's what I did.

[Zero_Complex]

As for telling my parents....I honestly haven't given it much thought.

When I consider telling them now, I mean I can't even imagine it, it's almost laughable to imagine telling them, I think my mom might understand but my dad? Haha. Very funny. I know I ought to have more faith in them, and I don't think they'll be angry (my mom might...) but it's mostly a shame thing.
I haven't told anyone in my life about my addiction, I told my siser a (long) while ago that I was addicted to "something" but I never said what, she's forgotten by now but I still can't imagine telling ANYONE.

No offense to mom and dad, but they'd be the last to know.
It's probably because I think they have a fairly good view of me, I get good grades, I'm not into drugs, I've got no major problems (this is according to them, not that I do drugs or get crappy grades but I've obviously got major "problems", (haha)) I think telling them would just be something like the end to a very long day for them (my sister is...notorious, and I'll leave it at that) mostly I just don't think they'd be able to understand.

The major this is my dad, I could bear to face him right now, I get all paranoid, I don't think he'll hate me because of it or anything, but I don't think he'd take it seriously either, and I honestly don't think he'd be able to look at me the same way after I told him. That's my biggest fear, to be forever changed in their eyes (in a bad way)

So yeah, it's a long road ahead before I come to THAT stop.
Haha.

-Zero

[Rockinastorm]

I think telling your parents about something like this is a pretty sensitive concept. Parents are all different, like Daniel said, so something to consider carefuly is how they care about you, as well as how strong your communication is with them... I guess im trying to describe the level of trust that you have with your parents. A large amount of trust will help bridge the gap that will likely occur at the beginning of the conversation.
For example, if you were to tell them, they likely won't understand the concept or severity of PA at first, and so it would be important to have a strong bond with them in order for them to actually listen to what your saying, rather than flipping out because you know what the word P**N means.

I know that I will never be able to approach this topic, or hundreds of others, with my parents, because its better when I keep them at an arms length away. That being said, I know that I can, and I have, approached my fiancee's parents with topics I haven't been able to talk to mine about; so I do know that there are good parents out there. The bottom line is that if they love you and respect you, they will see you are going through something they might not understand, and they will be there for you, but in my opinian, thats a very case by case thing that you might be able to judge by looking at how your relationship with them already is.

[Yesterday Is History]

Hey guys,

I'm actually 17 and just last month I actually told both my parents about my problem with P and MB. You can read more about telling your parents if you want by reading this forum post I made: Should I Tell My Parents?

I've also written about it in my journal "This Is My Story," if any of you guys want to read it.

PS. Are any of you guys still using this site?

- Yesterday