I'm to smart for my own good.

[RootedinGod]

Being a recovering Alcoholic and drug addict and also being a drug counselor I am sneaky and know the tricks well. Ia mlooking for someone who is not afraid to tell me I am full of crap when I amMost ppl think I am a very strong person in their lives, but in my own I am just learning to walk.

I am 48 married 22 and have two older teen boys. I have almost lost my marrage before and need to be a better huspand.

Need help please. !

Paul^:)^

[astander]

Hi Paul,

If you're in the positions you say you are in (pastor/counselor/advisor), then it is my opinion that you yourself has to be the one to "get real" with people, instead of expecting someone to come along and force it out of you. People aren't mind readers, and even a very clever mentor cannot help you if you don't want help. I think it has to come within yourself, to begin to be honest with yourself and those around you. It sounds like you are hiding behind a veil of lies, and you are asking someone to come and tear down the veil. Guess what? It's you. You have to tear it down. No time like the present.

Sarah

[RootedinGod]

hmm, I am not sure I understand your persepctives. I do not use alocohol or drugs and have not for many years.
I will always be an alcoholics just like I will always be a PA. It does not mean I use it means I am not dumb enough to think I can beat the addiction, I manage it. I really know of not one person who has beat drugs or alcohol. I am an active member in AA and NA so I am used to some harshness so no problem.

I guess what many are not used to is I am honest about my recovery. I guess my question would be to anyone thinking I should not be doing my job?

At what time should I do it? I have 6 years clean time.
And I have just a tad over a week away from PA.

Should I wait a month? A Year ? or 10 years ?
See many people will be disonest about their life I think telling people I manage my life with addictions is better then hiding it and trying to be something I am not. Beleive it or not my collegues and clients respect that I always consider myself on-going recovery. You are giving me advice and help based on some clean time and knowledge what would be the difference on what I do ?

As for hiding??? perhaps my idea of a sponsor is different in PA issues. In AA and NA a sponsor does not take your BS and if you are lying they tell you as it is. I do not see my self hiding, I am asking someone to listen and help.

I think I am hearing allot of aggressive and judegement when I just joined and know one knows me yet. I should not be put to explain why I want recovery that should come at my own terms. Sounds like I am being told I am wrong and to stop !
I am glad you both agree with the other, but it was kinda in cirlces from my view.
Noe the less I respect your right to make your point !
Lol having a name bad toad does not mean I am a bad person :)

[astander]

well, I would say two things. First, I would imagine that any recovery program you've been in has been face to face. Given that this is an electronic forum and we can't see your facial expressions or body language, and given that you're new here, we can only take you at what you type on the screen. So in that respect, it might be difficult to always be "called out" when you are not being truthful with yourself.

Second, nobody's judging you, what I was saying is that all this has to ultimately come from yourself. And yes, I would venture to say that if you're struggling with a major spiritual issue right now, like P use, I would suggest you step away from your leadership role until it's under control. The devil has a way of using these kinds of things against us.

[RootedinGod]

Well I have to say that, I will not and can not step away from my responsibilities. As much as I am well aware of the tempatations, I have been doing this for several years now with the addiction with PA. Stopping my work now when I am looking to stop PA use makes little sense.

In a forum like this as awesome as I am finding it, it also does not show my passion nor dedication that takes allot each day to accomplish. Very few ppl know what it is like to do the jobs like I do, that is not to brag, it is just not a job for everyone, that said also most of the public only has a narrow view of what treatment day to day for a person wanting quit drugs and alcohol has to go through. I have special and unique proven ways that work with the clients. I guess just because I am working at something does not mean I should give up on them.

As I said in my post I am sick and tired of being sick and tired with PA. Get to know me and perhaps you will understand this is not a whim what I do it is a passion for helping others with life.

Hmmm, the judging thing still kinda shows a little know body knows me here, nor knows whats best for me, my sobriety from
PA and MB will my own battle. I am sure you have all heard it before. But I can tell you 6 years ago I said the same thing at a meeting that I was done. I mean that here, I am too old and tired of this crap. That my drive to get things done.

I do not expect others to undrstand or validate my point of view, no more then I can validate yours. But I do appreciate the feedback, I just think you are misreading me a bit .

I am trying to find a place where like minds might help me stay sober, thats pretty close to what I am asking for.

As it has to do with my religious beleive and being a pastor, trust I have had a long talk with God over this, I know is exactly why I am here in this forum today. I do not expect others to know my relationship with him either. I do know he has a plan and I guess his plan is for me to be here tonight. Praising him by staning by my faults not hiding behind them.

Happy New Years

Paul

[rosie]

The reason I would be concerned about the PA/addiction while actively counselling other addicts, is that, knowing the full extent of PA and how it affects you as a person - you become selfish, objectifying, manipulative, deceptive, and self-interested. These things are not conducive to guiding others in a selfless way.

From what I have seen of PA, it is not just a little "thing" in your life, it actually becomes WHO YOU ARE. And as such, personally, i would not be confident in a role of guiding other addicts given that I am under the influence of an addiction so fundamentally self-serving.

This has nothing to do with judging you, it is a question of objectivity, professionalism and what is in the best interest of your clients, rather than you.

Not misreading you at all, just going objectively on what you are posting on the forum. There has been no judgment, ill will, or any other type of negative handling of your information. Just objective advice and opinion.

Does your role come with a professional code of ethics? From the ones I have been involved in, any role where there is conflict of interest (eg: someone guiding others through addiction when themselves are not yet in recovery) would constitute as an ethical issue.

Just my 2c of course!

[mell]

Hey Paul,

I am in SAA. My sponsor has relapsed in the last week. He told me about it and asked if I still wanted to keep him as a sponsor. I said yes. Just because he is struggling does not mean he can't help me, and himself.

A big part of the twelve step programs is to 'give back' by helping / sponsoring others in their recovery. It also helps the sponsor to work with others. You have recovery experience and success, this needs to be shared with others.

I believe you should continue to work with other addicts and seek a sponsor / mentor for your PA.

I believe the character defects that Rosie mentioned (and many others) are typical of most addicts. We have to work through them and change ourselves.

Wishing you the very best on your journey.

[rosie]

Oh sorry I thought it was more like a professional counsellor...if it's a sponsor that's probably a different thing?

[mell]

Not intending to start an argument, but I don't think it matters whether it is a sponsor or a professional counsellor. Especially if the subject matter is different (drugs / alcohol vs PA).

That said, I do agree that the conflict of interest has to be looked into.

[HopefulsRock]

Paul once again welcome and I can certainly appreciate you wanting your life back and congratulations on now 9 days of sobriety from the consuming life of P! I think with your life experiences and learning's from AA & NA you could have a lot to offer us PA's and we can help you achieve what you came here for... a successful end to the dirty secret life of P. If you feel a great need for a sponsor in your journey then that should be a high priority as well as staying clean. Despite the barrage of harsh opinions you come back in an open and honest manner and I can appreciate that. I don't see the conflict of interest that Rosie suggested because you are in recovery albeit a fresh new recovery this one seems very real and sincere and I wish you the best in it! You'll find that this site and the people you interact with can be somewhat like a counselor or sponsor because nothing really slips by all these folks and as you can see they're not afraid to call you out!

Stay strong and positive Paul, there is great freedom on the other side of this addiction and I know you'll find it!