brokensoul my journey

[brokensoul]

monday went out to dinner with my wife
we had a good time
sunday eveing i really needed to mb
i asked my wife if she could help me thru this
she's is still not good with me and she has just got an art show in the fall so she needs to get more painting done
so i backed off
she her an email on monday morning to let her know that i understand whats she's dealing with
so i guess that' why we had i nice dinner out
i've been just sending her little emails most days to let her know i love her
today is wenesday weeks ago i contact saa and with also the family stuff that i've had over the last month
i have not gone to a meeting
the help it get here is keeping me on track
i asked her to join this site todate i don't think she has
i did some looking over the weekend i other sites
download some audio and listened while in the back yard
also find a site that put you thru the steps about saa
i'm not sure if that's where i should be going
i guess that going is not a bad thing
if anyone has been here at this road i could use some help
finally for me i'm not sure for my wife i think she feels that
it's something she needs to see i'm on the road
sorry so long
forgive spelling please
i think faster than i type

[brokensoul]

lots of stuff i've read today is making me think
thought's
that i can beat my issue with p
the mb thing is under control
i could use some help with rebuilding my the trust that i lost with my wife
i read as much of the journals that i can
i also look for other sites or info about rebuilding
that i can find
any help would be good

[brokensoul]

Had two days of this weekend
spent lots of time with my wife
watched the games
went to the farmer market
planned and had a cook out with others in our apartment building
clean the apartment
went to the in-laws did somethings around thier home
held hands hugged and talked
planned a sunday night shower together
but it didn't happen my wife needed to get back to her painting
she said to me that we had planned this but i knew she needed to get some work done
weeks ago i would i have been mad but yesterday i was ok with me
just the fact that she would think of us together like that
made me feel good
i still know that i have a long way to go to get back her trust but
I'll staying p free and tring to open doors with her
i so glad i found this site
to all others stay on the path
if you trip and need help i'm there

[brokensoul]

went to a meeting of saa last night wasn't sure i needed to go i've been doing well here but as the letter i got weeks ago said " you need to get Help" she give me a list of groups
due to the fact of things that were giong on in my life other the last month i haven't been able to go to a meeting thankful i find this site It was kept me on the path
the meeting did give me some insite i will go again
they suggest that new member attend 6 meeting before making choices
as it was my first meeting i didn't open up like i have here
i just listen and learned
but so thing that was good was in front of real people not behind this screen i did admit "I am a sex addict" you all know this i've told you
but the feeling of doing it in a non cyber world, the place where i have been hiding it was different
I will up date as i attend more meetings
i will say that after the meeting many people did come to me and make sure i knew i could call them if i needed help
now i have two groups of "brothers in arms" to support me
i just used the quote because we are in a battle together
and working as a team we can beat this
I have always tried to make sure that i had i good team because "no man goes his way alone"

[brokensoul]

A few minutes ago i tried to tell my wife how sorry i was about my online P addiction
i know that i have to take punches
but once again she told me i was looking for a contact in the real world
i have told her that never was what i was doing i just was role playing
i was so happy about an hour ago
but now i'm deeper than whale sh*T in the deepest part of the ocean
we had a great weekend
we've been talking
i went to saa last night
it's been almost two months
i have only mb 2 times
i've tried to open up
i know she is under stress and an art show that she has in dec.
but it's pushing me back to the hold ways
i try to talk about issues she say's i'm putting pressure on her or it's that i raise my voice
i know i have screwed up by going to p
i just pushed this off before but i see things different now
i'm really lost
i'm going off line after this i my go back (easy way out)
because it's to much for me tonight
hopefully i can get up and not go online for p
mornings were my weak time (wake up early )

[dave]

It is tough to be in the doghouse - I continue to struggle but I keep reminding myself if I stay clean things will come around.
Emotions don't lasts as long as memories of P use
Take care
Dave

[brokensoul]

feel good today
had so coffee and started reading posts
reread all of dave's post
saw many insights into my personal battles
all the post here do give me insights or things to think about
came up with a thought the otherday haven't more on it yet
but would like to hear what other's think about it
was going to write down my history with p
from the start
don't think if i would post it but something tells me
it would be good to get it all out in the open
maybe let my wife read it
i'm open to others thoughts on this and really want to hear others thought on this

[brokensoul]

my wife has started to let me back into her heart
we have been talking more about what's going on in her life and ours
really feel good today we talked about some stuff that was not going well
but we didn't put up walls
i really wish my life was a disney movie
but " you can't always get what you want"
will be going to sa meeting for second time
will keep working this battle

[dave]

but " you can't always get what you want"

"BUT IF YOU TRY REAL HARD YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU NEED"

I think that is the jist of Mick Jagger's spin on life - but then what does he know about P addiction and boken relationships.

I've been clean for 138 days but am still unclear on what I want anan d what I need. Thankfully I have help from a couselor and a sponsor.

Glad to hear you are staying clean and the relationship is growing..
Take care
Dave

[brokensoul]

Originally Posted by dave

but " you can't always get what you want"

"BUT IF YOU TRY REAL HARD YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU NEED"

I think that is the jist of Mick Jagger's spin on life - but then what does he know about P addiction and boken relationships.

I've been clean for 138 days but am still unclear on what I want anan d what I need. Thankfully I have help from a couselor and a sponsor.

Glad to hear you are staying clean and the relationship is growing..
Take care
Dave

I have another Quote "no matter where you go, there you are"
stay strong