Jimmy 78's Recovery Journal

[Rowlf]

Hi Jimmy,

Good to have you back. That smile gives us a whole new reason to be the men that we can be. The bar is raised and I think that you're more than up to the challenge and you are taking it on now.

Have a great day today!

[jimmy78]

Hey guys!

Thanks. I know it's been a while but I am doing well. I have been purposely staying away from the PC, so I hope my lack of responses aren't taken perosnally.

One slip in 17 days... good, but not good enough. Time to check out the other journals.

J78

[jimmy78]

Man, this is tough. I always seem to come back here when i fall flat on my face. It's quite disappointing, especially when I seem to come so far. Weeks, even months at a time I can seem to go without issue, and then one day, the surge comes back like tidal wave and there is NO controlling it. I'd liken it to binge drinking, except it involves an internet connection, PC and mouse.

I really REALLY need to find a way to fight these urges. I have managed to keep everything else in check but seem to succumb to that major urge. And, it's the worst because now I look at every slip as a major failure (probably because there have been little; perhaps it magnifies my failure a bit more so). I have a beautiful wife and son and that is my whole world. Why I would let this evil addiction get the best of me, is beyond me... but it does. Last night I literally just had to scream and physically smack myself... I feel like all my progress is nil when this happens.

What do you do when that major "urge" comes on? ya know, the kind that overtakes you, almost to the point where nothing makes sense (nor do you care)... the kind that basically makes everything important in your life and turns it into unimportant? The kind that makes you look back on it and go 'why would I do this? why would I even take the chance of hurting the people I love so much"??

Any words of wisdom would be awesome. I really feel as if I simply cannot beat this. Quite depressing!

J