I'm trying to stop this madness

[Dane]

It've now been one week.
Littlebit hard today actually. I have a problem getting to sleep.
Have had that problem my entire life, and what I do is to try to sleep, and
then after a while in bed, get up and sit on the computer. Normaly, before, I would
MB to P, so now I kind of don't know what to do!

I am working out a lot, and I love it! And it is now a huge thing in my life. So I
now read a lot about training and stuff. But lot's of training-websites has pictures
of "fitnessbabes" and stuff. And those pictures can be a real trigger.
But the good thing is that they don't make me wanne wach hardcore P, but
"allmostporn" :p You know, girls allmost naked. (I think that's a little bit better)

Wanted to wach it today, but I've been reading instead. Good night people!

[HalfPint]

hey dane, great job on staying away from the temptations. And I totally know what you mean by not being able to get to sleep. I have that problem to and I used to do the same exact thing. Sometimes I'd just jump up out of bed turn on my computer and then when I'd start surfing I wouldn't stop, and sometimes I'd start falling asleep because I was too tired but I wanted to keep going.

Also, I'm trying to get into a workout program. I want to work out with a friend in a non-public location due to my largeness. I'm over weight, not by much, but enough that its embarrassing in some places. I just need to start working out to fix that, and perhaps it will help out with my self confidence, and with me looking at porn so hey. Keep up the good work man.

[Dane]

9 days

Hey HalfPint!

So great you wanna start working out! It is one of the best things you can do. Take
care of the only body you have! I STRONGLY recomend to start writhing a workout diary,
like here. In Norway, we have great forums about working out where you can discuss it
and get tips and help. No matter in how good shape you are!
Try to find a website like that! Read about training, food, rest etc..
Good luck!

[Dane]

Like yesterday, I couldn't sleep so I got out of bed.
And... I relapsed. Damn..
But it wasn't hc, just soft p, and that's (not good), but better!

And when I think about it, I registred here and started my journal exactly one month
ago. So in one month, I MB to P only twice!! That's a huge breakthrough for me and
P is allready a smaller piece of my life!

Yes, it sucked that I "failed" today, but seriously.. It woul'd be a foolish thing to think
that I would stop this addiction on my first try after that many years. So I am very
happe with the result so far and you guys in here are helping me alot! Thanks

I think I'm happy now afterall

[HalfPint]

Hey dane, its so great that your looking at it that way. Its always good to wager your success, not your failure. You've made it 28/30 . . . woh . . . that fraction rocks.

You know, I was thinking about it today. A "slip up" isn't a failure, the only way its a failure is if you say "hey, I already messed up" and use it as an excuse to keep going the entire day or even longer. Also, if you look at it, those 2 days you did "slip up" you didn't slip up the entire day, what, 1 or 2 hours out of each day maybe? Gotta look at it that way to, so those days were mostly successful, just a little bit of the days that weren't.

[Dane]

That's so true! Stay positive and focus on your success, not your flaws!
The fact that I've only "done it" two times in a month is a victory in it self!

So I'm just gonna keep on pushing my limits and breaking new records
And one day, P is totaly out of my life!!

To set myself a goal, I will say that I want to be 100% sober the day I become a father.
Me and my whife want to wait a couple of years before we get kids. And by the time
I have a son ore a daughter, I wanna be the best example in the world for my kids!

I don't want them to cach dad looking at P!

[Dane]

Day 4

Litle hard tho, but nothing I can't handle

[Dane]

One week sober!

One thing...:

Me and my whife talked the other day, about me having HUGE problems getting to sleep. (It's a problem I've had my whole life)
And a thing that've helped me before, is to get up and mb to p. It seems like my
body relaxes when I do it, so when I'm fin, I go to sleep very fast!

So she said to me, that if it helpes me; it's okay if I do it.
So I don't know what to do now.. I want to do it/don't want to do it, she sais it's okay
and there's in a way only you guys in here "telling me" not to do it.
So I don't know how things will be in the future.
BUT, P have definetly've become a smaller thing in my life and I use so much less time on it. And I want to keep it that way. Just a litlebit, ore nothing. Not shure..

I don't have a very big "urge" for looking at it now. So it's no problem at this very second, but I don't know how it will be the day I get trigged.


This is just thoughts, not well thought through. I just wanted to share them with you guys.


But again: One week sober!

[AnxiouslyEngaged]

Hey Dane, just finished reading your journal, and congrats on your successes so far. It is a really wonderful thing to make P a smaller part of your life.

But I am very, very convinced that all of us should do everything we can to ensure that P stops being a part of our lives at all. We all need to be rid of it permanently, completely.

As for your sleeping issues, I can't say that I know exactly what you're going through because I haven't struggled with it quite as much as it sounds like you do. But I have had trouble getting to sleep at different periods of my life. Sometimes it will take hours, and I'll go for several weeks or months without being able to get a full night's sleep.

My best recommendation is to replace P with something else that relaxes you. Try music. If that doesn't work, try reading. If that doesn't work, try watching a movie. If none of that works, try meditation. Or pick up a book on effective ways to get yourself to sleep--there are a lot of different methods out there, and different ones work for different people.

My point is, you've got to find another way. Your girlfriend cares so much about you that she's willing to say OK to P if it makes you sleep. Let that motivate you all the more to get rid of P entirely because you don't want to cheapen the relationship you have with this clearly wonderful girl. A monogamous relationship should be your only outlet for sexuality, and P breaks that apart. You can find another method to help you sleep better. It will be difficult, but if you don't, then you will continue to be chained down under this addiction indefinitely. There's no such thing as a drink every once in a while for an alcoholic, and there's no such thing as a little indulgence here and there for a PA.

I'm a perfect example of this. For the past couple of months, I've been relapsing once every 1-3 weeks. And guess what? It still consumes me. Do I really want to be fighting powerful urges to engorge myself on filthy images of perverted fantasies for the rest of my life? I don't think I need to even answer that question. Even occasional P use puts it in your life as a major factor. Even if you only look at it once a month, it will greatly influence your sexuality and the relationships you have with women. It's just the nature of the beast.

Sorry to be so long-winded, I just know how tough all this is. And you're doing so well I don't want to see you shoot yourself in the foot by accident.

But really, awesome work so far. Stay strong.

AE

[Dane]

Hi AnxiouslyEngaged and thank you so much for your post!
Just the fact that you actually read all of it moves me
And thank you for complementing my progress in this. It is really hard,
but in the end, I will overwin this!

I have to agree in what you say about staying totaly off p. That is offcourse the best thing to do! But the hardest thing, it that I don't want it. You see...
P have been in my life for soo many years, and in my little world, it've been a good thing. A thing for me and only me. And I've always liked it! But the world around me don't. My family is against it, my friends, my whife "my beliefes". But me, inside, have allways liked doing it. So it is really hard to stop waching p, just because of that! Because everyonw else tells me not to. And taking orders arn't allways that easy

I just got up from bet. Can't sleep.. I've had a lot of good night's now, but it doesn't
work tonight. And I'm thinking, thinking and thinking.. Shall I watch p or not...?
I want to quit/I don't want to quit...
I want to quit/I don't want to quit...

So I honestly don't know how this night will end. I so badly want to look at it,
and I want to stay strong! And I feel that no mather what I do, I make myself both happy and sad. If I don't watch p; I will be glad I didn't relapse, but I'll "miss" it more. And if I do watch it; I'll have a great time, but feel disappointed later.

We'll se.. But I will keep posting here about my strugles and my victory's