Leadmehome's journal

[leadmehome]

I think I got my posting from "smart"phone issue ironed out, I just have to "select all" then "copy" so I can "paste" my post back in the little window if I get "timed out" so I don't loose an hours worth of hunting and pecking. It also helps to check the "save" box when logging in. Actually my wife told me all of this.
So here's my journal. I never thought I would have a journal, or if I did I wouldn't call it a journal. Not that it's a bad idea but it's pretty much at the bottom of my to do list, or more aptley "things I'll never do list" like fix the rocking chair, saw my leg off, and learn french. But what do you know, here I am and it's day 20 for me, approx. I don't know for sure, I know it's been over two weeks and a pretty great couple of weeks at that. It started off a little rough, if you read my wifes posts "Desperatehousewife" you'll agree. But it is wonderful to be on the mend and on the road to healing. I had a great weekend with my precious wife and children, (I usually only see them on the weekends cause I work out of town). DH and I had a great time together, I always love spending time with her but it is exceptionally nice when I don't have any dirty little secrets haunting me and guilt and shame lingering in the back of my mind. DH deserves the very best, but since she settled for me, she is at least entitled to my best.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Leadmehome

Well no it is not the first thing on the do list in keeping a journal, but it is a thing that will help us with our addiction. I am happy to read that you are off to a good start in you recovery. right now you are on the road to better things, that will come your way.

I can see that you wife is in a lot of pain because of your actions, but I feel in time, things will get better, no only for you, but for your wife also. right now ads you are on this journey to get full freedom for this crap, make sure you do what you can, to help your wife with her journey.

So now that you have started this journal, come here as much as you can, and let us know how you are doing in recovery. I will be praying that while you and your wife are on this road to a better life with each other, that things go well for the both of you. you are doing well, and I am sure that you will continue on a path, and a good path in your recovery

I will see you soon my friend, and God bless your household

Gerald

[BestShot]

Hi LeadMeHome,

Welcome to the site. I am on the same journey as you. I had made it 6 months and then fell off the wagon. Real bummer BUT I am back at it and on day 19...same as you. Just wishing you the best and all the strength during your battle with this stuff. I am glad your wife is supporting you and you her. That will be very helpful!

I look forward to reading about your progress! Oh, by the way, coming to this site and writing in your journal (especially in times of weakness) will be very helpful. Do it as often as possible!

Sincerely,

BestShot

[widowgirl]

Hi BestShot

Thanks for the reminder that it is a difficult process- wow I can't imagine how difficult if one falls off the wagon after 6 months! Good for me to remember; I used to wonder why my late hubby didn't just kill the habit so when someone brings that up, it just humbles me every time.

LMH I felt the same way about journal writing- sometimes I've gotten paper ones as gifts and have no clue what to do with them but it sure helps me to have one here. We can read it and encourage each other. I am so glad to hear you had a good weekend with your wife, I sure feel her pain having been there, but you guys are on the road to healing. Praying for you!

[leadmehome]

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[leadmehome]

Goodmorning everybody. I haven't posted here in a while but I am still doing good. I tried posting yesterday but I was a bit delerious due to working long nights all week and the trying to stay awake all day yesterday so I would sleep all night and be in good shape for a day shift today. I spent over an hour composing a post only to realize that it made no sense. At least it kept me busy. Thanks for all the encouragement and advice. God bless you all this weekend.

[Disillusioned]

"I always love spending time with her but it is exceptionally nice when I don't have any dirty little secrets haunting me and guilt and shame lingering in the back of my mind. DH deserves the very best, but since she settled for me, she is at least entitled to my best." quote from LeadMeHome....

Remember how this feels, and keep doing the little things that tell her she is #1 in your life...every single day. She may not respond, she may doubt your sincerity, but these little gifts add up in time and help her heal. She is really struggling right now and she is in terrible pain. I doubted my h's sincerity for a long time, LMH, but the little gifts helped. He sent me an ecard one time about my being home to him, and it was one of the best gifts I ever received in my life. Don't give up...you are working on your own recovery and trying to help her at the same time. It's all you can do, plus pray (if you acknowledge a higher power), pray for strength, pray for keeping your resolve, pray for your dear wife who didn't see this coming and is still very shocked and off balance. Love the children you brought into this world together...I'm sure they know something is terribly wrong and are feeling very insecure. Love is an investment in time...keep going strong.
God bless you both in this struggle.

[widowgirl]

It will get better. It's like lancing a boil, to use a really gross analogy. All the poison is coming out and then healing can start. Her posts- I could have written them myself when my H was alive, and I still do it from time to time. It is a healthy sign. Just take it slow. God bless you and DH!

[leadmehome]

I had a terrible weekend. so much so I was hoping I would die tonight at work. Working up high in the dark in the rain in the middle of the freeway I was careless with my tie off. 2 hrs left

[leadmehome]

Nevermind, I survived. I'm like a cat up there apparantly. Now if I can stay awake for the drive