Journal by Tim

[Timothy]

Hi. I'm Tim. I am a Recovering P A . I have been in a recovery Program for two years now.
It is a12 step program. When I started I went in with Three Addictions, P, Compulsive MB, and S*X.
I relapsed off and on with P A June -August this year .Binged on the stuff in September. The desires for the other two addictions left me but the PA stayed so I Made up my mind
on October 1st 2011, that I would Stop P all together. Since then I have been Sober and Free of P A. I keep attending my Meeting sometimes I go to a meeting Twice a week! I still have to be careful about Triggers.
Due to Acting out My Addictions, I have Been put on Probation( now one year Plus) via Church Disciplinary action.My Wife has Trust Issues.
Confessing to her was the worst and Hardest thing for me. . So I take One day and step at a time. I also work on my recovery book and Continue to Pray and Read my Scriptures. Glad to have found TTFThanks for welcoming me into this community. I feel accepted. Have a Good day, Be Safe,"TIMOTHY"

[Mac]

Hey There Tim

Welcome to TTF.
I am glad you feel accepted here, because you certainly are.
I think this is a great place to augment you other rercovery strategies and I am sure you will find the support you are looking for.

all the best
Mac

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hey Tim

It is nice to see you here, to get the help. I agree with Mac, when he said, that he is happy that you feel accepted here. and you are accepted here. You know, when we were in the dark abyss because of this addiction, there was nowhere for us to go, to get help from it. there is just no way, we felt that we could talk to people at work, our friends, let alone our families. If we were to tell anyone, the outcome would be if they would still accept us or not in there lives.

Because of this, even though we may have felt shame in what we was doing, we continued, on the path, that would soon enough just end up destroying us. Before we realize just how bad of a problem this crap is, we all usually all end up getting in some sort of trouble, before we come to an understanding, that this stuff must be left out of our lives. It was not until I destroyed my relationship wit my SO that I finally saw it, the light went on, that what I was doing, is not as good as they make you believe it is.

Then I found TTF. I posted my sad story here, wondering what the outcome would be, and to my surprise, everyone here, made me feel welcomed, no one belittled me in any such way. I felt Accepted, loved, by people who I don't even know. and now after a year, of coming here, and attending my SAA meetings, I am a year free from this addiction. By coming here, it was a start of a very wonderful journey, that I am happy to still be on today.

And this is where you are right now my friend. just by you coming here, you are now on your way to a better life, for not only you, but for all that you love. You will see that we all will do everything that we can, to guide you in the right direction, that will hopefully lead you to a lifetime of P free life.

Come here as much as you can, and let us know how you are doing, so we can see what we can do to help you along the way. No matter if what you write is good or bad, my friend, we will be here for you.

I wish you nothing but the best, on your journey. you are on a long road, but when you find the true happiness in not having this crap in your life, you will see that traveling on this road was very well worth it.

Be strong my friend, and always be on guard against this beast. he is always lurking about, waiting, just waiting for that one moment, that we let our guard down, so he can pounce on us.

I will check in with you, to see how you are doing. Again, good luck to you

Your fellow addict
Gerald

[mell]

Hi Tim,

I've seen your posts around the forum, glad to see you started a journal.

I have been going to SAA meetings for about 1 1/2 years now. We have a great program going in the area, with 5 meetings a week and a growing membership.

Have you found a sponsor yet? It took me a while to find one (the right one) but when I did, just a couple months ago, I felt my recovery growing immensely. There is just nothing like having a trusted confidant available every day. Someone to push you and guide you through the journey.

Glad you feel accepted here, TTF is a great place, another safe haven for us to come and share with others. Wishing you the very best, looking forward to reading more from you.

[HopefulsRock]

Timothy... thank you for starting your journey and welcome to TTF. I can certainly relate to your statement about confessing to your wife... I was caught by mine but asking her for forgiveness was the worst and most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life! You sound like your on the right path to the recovery process and it is a process... a difficult one at that but well worth every bit of effort!

...and every PA here can relate to this,

I still have to be careful about Triggers

so your not alone at all in that my friend, welcome aboard once again

[Disillusioned]

Hi, Tim. I had looked for your journal before after reading your post on someone else's but I couldn't find it. Anyway, a belated welcome to TTF. This is a place where we all have one thing in common, both has PAs and SOs, and that is we have been hurt, and hurt deeply by P. I am happy that you feel you can share your thoughts here in an anonymous forum that is so warm and caring that I often smile to myself as I read the love and concern one of our members feels for another. It is like a home in a way, with us all related by pain and being lost. I pray all the interventions you have taken are working, are making you feel more in control, are giving comfort to your spouse and making her feel more confident of your recovery everyday. I want only good things for you, Tim, and p is not good for anyone...viewers, their trusting spouses, the actors in the industry. It is a modern day plague and big business is interested and invested in it because of the profits it brings in to its promoters. Good luck on your journey, and again, belated welcome. (By the way, your name is my favorite male name, and I have a son that shares it with you. I am sure I am old enough to be your mom, so I am hoping I don't make you feel uncomfortable by telling you that. When I was young, I pictured a tall, sandy-haired, young man walking in a field of tall grass surrounded with trees, sun warming his hair and face, gentle wind touching his cheek. He seemed to possess a contented countenance that seemed to say he was at peace with his world. I now hope the peace I envisioned is yours as well.)
disillusioned