The Tale of my Recovery

[crusader11]

Okay, so I posted in the newbie forum and was told I should post in here, so here it goes...

Part I
Some of what I say may sound strange to you, but please bear with me as this is no joke.

A few years ago, my use of P had reached its peak. I was becoming increasingly dependent on it to the point where it became a physical need, and I would get extremely agitated during periods where I had to go without it.

There was one BIG problem, I was doing this all on my work computer, so everything was tracked. I should have known better, but my use of P had made me do stupid things, I put P ahead of all sensibility and rational thinking.

Now to give some background, I am a married man with 2 kids, 1 at the time this all began.

The P had led me to become more and more detached from my wife, to the point where I ceased to show her affection.

<br><br>Anyway, back to the work thing. I divulged some very personal information on the internet, on my work computer, which would incriminate me for some deplorable actions. Basically I started using images which resembled actual people.

To make a long story short, this practice led me to develop intense, amorous feelings for one of my co-workers. I basically fell in love with her. In the nature this had occured, the experience was totally surreal and unlike anything else I had experienced in the past. It was the ultimate high.

Thing is, the girl knew exactly what was going on because she was informed by people at work who were tracking me. It so happened that I had a class with this girl, so one night she decided to make herself look like one of the images I was viewing, which also looked like her. The next morning I could not get her image out of my head... it was a weird feeling, and then the 'love' followed shortly after that. Let me remind you I'm married.

I will continue this story in a later post.....

[mell]

Glad to see you starting a journal Crusader.

As you continue, you will get feedback and support from the membership here. We all have to fight this thing together, sharing our stories is a big part of recovery.

Take your time with it and tell it as it comes. We are not here to judge, just to try and help each other out.

I look forward to reading more. Please check out other journals, it really helps to know how others have struggled with similar (maybe even the same) issues.