The fire is there for a reason. Don't put it out.

[RisingSon]

I'm a struggling, recovering addict. I spent a period of time a while back posting here on TTF and kind of drifted off.

I wish I could say I'd been completely successful in defeating my addiction but I haven't, although my usage has dropped to a small percentage of what it was at it's peak several years ago.

My goal is to completely eradicate P from my life so that when I'm old I can look back at a long period of being successful at what I want to be successful at instead of an entire life of being used, so I've started this journal so I can document my thoughts, frustrations and celebrations.

I titled my journal "The fire is there for a reason. Don't put it out." because this is the attitude I want to use to eliminate P from my life. When I start feeling worked up or panicky (which happens a lot because I'm an addict) I want to remind myself that those feelings are there for a reason, and that I should respond to them by going for a long walk or challenge myself in some way in order to get a calm but admirable feeling of satisfaction, rather than destroying myself with P for a brief moment of intense excitement followed by a very long period of feeling worthless and used.

My addiction makes me want to feel stupid for living calmly and peacefully, and I plan to use this journal as a reminder to myself that my DEFINING GOAL is to live my life calmly and peacefully, because that's who I feel I am without the awful disease that is P.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

I'm a struggling, recovering addict. I spent a period of time a while back posting here on TTF and kind of drifted off.

My addiction makes me want to feel stupid for living calmly and peacefully, and I plan to use this journal as a reminder to myself that my DEFINING GOAL is to live my life calmly and peacefully, because that's who I feel I am without the awful disease that is P.

RisingSon

It is so nice to see you back at TTF. Since you are here again, we will do what we can, to help you from drifting away from us again. All we want to do is to find a way, to help you to live that calm and peaceful life that you want. there is no chance of living that way, if we have this damn crap in it.

I really don't have much to say right now, but I wanted to at least come here, and welcome you back home, with the rest of your family, here at TTF. Please keep coming back, posting here in your journal, so the rest of us, can see how we can assist you in your recovery.

I do wish you the best, in your new found recovery. We can all do this together my friend

Your fellow addict
Gerald

[RisingSon]

RisingSon

It is so nice to see you back at TTF. Since you are here again, we will do what we can, to help you from drifting away from us again. All we want to do is to find a way, to help you to live that calm and peaceful life that you want. there is no chance of living that way, if we have this damn crap in it.

I really don't have much to say right now, but I wanted to at least come here, and welcome you back home, with the rest of your family, here at TTF. Please keep coming back, posting here in your journal, so the rest of us, can see how we can assist you in your recovery.

I do wish you the best, in your new found recovery. We can all do this together my friend

Your fellow addict
Gerald

Thanks a million Gerald.

Your post helped me stay on top of my game today, especially the part about having no chance of living the life we want to live if we succumb to our addictive urges.

I'm glad to be back on TTF.

[RisingSon]

Started today feeling the usual impulses, but posting here and re-reading my intentions reminds me what I'm about and puts my head back in the right place.

[RisingSon]

End of the day... No problems. No slip ups.

Had a handful of moments of feeling tense and anxious but I'm proud to say that P didn't even enter my mind during them.

[Yesterday Is History]

End of the day... No problems. No slip ups.

Had a handful of moments of feeling tense and anxious but I'm proud to say that P didn't even enter my mind during them.

Keep it up! Just take it one day at a time, and don't ever give up.

Stay strong,

Yesterday Is History

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Started today feeling the usual impulses, but posting here and re-reading my intentions reminds me what I'm about and puts my head back in the right place.

End of the day... No problems. No slip ups.

Had a handful of moments of feeling tense and anxious but I'm proud to say that P didn't even enter my mind during them.

You made it through the tense and anxious times, and that is great my friend. What you done was very encouraging, because when I beast could have been knocking at the door, you didn't even open it in the slightest bit, to allow him to enter. And I call this recovery, good recovery. keep it up my friend, and each day will get a lot smother for you in your recovery

Your fellow addict
Gerald

[RisingSon]

Thanks again, Gerald.

I'm sure there'll be a lot more tense and anxious times but the good times and just feeling alive all day instead of feeling like a half dead zombie is making it worth it.

This journal is proving to be extremely helpful for keeping me on track, as is my wonderful wife who has supported me for many years while I've struggled with this addiction. The guilt I feel for what I've put her through just cripples my mind, but I won't allow that guilt to destroy me and take me down any longer.

Over the last few months I've found that I've been able to get a better handle on my addiction by imagining it as a wild writhing snake that I have to hold down with my foot so it can't take me over. Now that I've had my head clear above water for a good few days, I'm starting to realise the snake doesn't really even exist. P is only a part of my life if I allow it to be, and I will not allow it to be.

I want to live the rest of my life as a free man, full of energy and passion for what I love. Our lives are so short in the great scheme of things, and although we hear lots of success stories I fear most addicts live their whole lives and never recover to experience freedom again. I will not be one of them. If society at large wants to succumb to mass P addiction and treat it like it's not even a problem that's unfortunate, but I can't solve that problem. All I can do is take care of myself.

[RisingSon]

Woke up with an internal struggle today, and brief thoughts of P.

At first I had to deal with slight disappointment that I've finally decided to completely eradicate it from my life forever, followed by begrudging acceptance of the decision I've made, followed by pride for "bringing myself around".

I really just don't need that garbage in my mind or in my life.

[RisingSon]

Yesterday went fine. No slip ups. I won't even make my usual mistake of "dipping my toe in the water" by looking at slightly suggestive non-P images. I've been there too many times not to have learned where that always leads.

I feel very highly strung today, like I want to solve all the world's problems. To everyone who isn't addicted to P (probably a minority of the US male population at this point, I suspect) I guess this feeling would be called "being awake". It's not something I'm very used to, but hopefully it won't take too long to adjust.