My walk through the valley.

[ocja0201]

Day 91

Sometimes I wish I could live my life with sovereign indifference.

[Disillusioned]

From Ocja, "Sometimes I wish I could live my life with sovereign indifference. "

That's sort of what P does, j, it numbs you to the real world. Welcome to the world of living your own life, feeling your own pain, disappointments, failures, successes. Welcome to being more feeling and understanding that it is wrong to see other human beings, females, as people with the same humanity you have; not things to be used for your pleasure. Welcome to the world of chaos but also wonder, color, song, dance, laughter, sunlight. These are to be savored and appreciated every day, because none of us knows how much time is left on our own clocks. Disaster might be a blink away. Welcome to making the dash between the year of your birth and the year of your death, meaningful, and uniquely your own. I think feeling is a much better path, and I am glad you are here and recovering. You are part of a living choir, and adding your own voice adds to the strength, volume and beauty of the song.

[ocja0201]

Day 92

Thanks for the support guys I really appreciate it.

Didn't feel much in the way of temptation, old steadily fading images flirted through my mind today but they were easily swatted aside.

[ocja0201]

Day 93

This is getting awfully close to my longest P/MB free stint since I was 13. It feels good really good. My vigilance shall not flag as the fight continues.

[Teemo]

...old steadily fading images flirted through my mind today but they were easily swatted aside.

ocja,

I love that picture: swatting them away like pesky flies. No need to do battle with them; they aren't likely to hurt us if we just swat them away. Or maybe it's more like wasps or hornets - harmful, for sure, but still best dealt with by shooing them away as we keep moving away from them.

[ocja0201]

Day 94

I totally forgot to update yesterday. The odd thing is that I was on here before I went to bed last night but still forgot.

[ocja0201]

Day 95

I have decided that along with lust, pride and vanity are my next biggest vices. Because of my pride I see the world in a negative way, thinking myself better than others and thus treating them in an undignified way. I find myself often staring at my reflection in the mirror preening myself or flexing (stupid and shallow I know). This narcissism has to go. So long as I think myself more qualified than others it will mitigate my ability to be genuine and loving toward them. So from now on in addition to reporting on my progress-or lack there of-regarding the sin of lust I will also be detailing my progress on the two other fronts as well.

[ocja0201]

Day 96

An all around pretty successful day. I managed to avoid temptation, and practiced humility to the best of my ability trying to not put people down.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Day 96

An all around pretty successful day. I managed to avoid temptation, and practiced humility to the best of my ability trying to not put people down.

ocja

Day 96 is nice to see. keep going my friend, just keep going. the temptations will always be there for us addicts, but the rewards are wonderful when we dont give into them.

There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted.
James Branch Cabell

Keep up with your good recovery that you have going for you at this time

Gerald

[ocja0201]

Day 97

I swear I work with some brain damaged individuals. Rage saturates my being, no matter how hard I try to forgive I can't seem to let it go.