Looking for strengh

[dstine1234]

Hello Gerald and all
I am not here as much. Not necessarily a bad thing, I am seeking recovery through meetings and getting support there and through phone calls. Gerald thanks for everything you said, it always moves me to hear your words. I hope that you are in a good place too my friend. I hope for you also. Sometimes in recovery I feel Gerald that people such as yourself are on one side of a big lake somehow helping to pull people like me out of murky water towards dry safe land. I don't know if that image makes sense but I feel it a lot here and other places. There is a strength there that I feel, it's awesome. I have gone over one month now without looking at P or MB. To be honest, a big part of me never thought that would ever happen, as sad as that sounds. I had no reason to believe it, having done 9 months of "sex A" therapy on one one and getting no where. But now I go to 1-2 meetings of SLAA and meet some special people and I pray. I also am dating this wonderful human being. First time in my entire life I have begun a relationship with a month of sobriety. All I can do is get on my knees and than the Lord. I wish i could say I understand it but I don't. Maybe it's dumb to try?! I am sure one day I may relapse but now I know it is in me. I have been without P before here and there but the MB never left. This is the whole package, so to speak. It is a little scary in a way, hard to explain. God bless everyone here.

David

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hello Gerald and all
Sometimes in recovery I feel Gerald that people such as yourself are on one side of a big lake somehow helping to pull people like me out of murky water towards dry safe land. I don't know if that image makes sense but I feel it a lot here and other places. There is a strength there that I feel, it's awesome.

I think all of us are on one side of a big lake, helping EVERYONE that we can, to be pulled out of that murky water. at times we are all who we have to help us, because all of us here, do understand what eachother are going through. God knows that just by you being here, you have help me in getting out of that dirty murky water, and I do thank you for it.

I am sure one day I may relapse

Well if we stay on course, and we work our recovery as best that we can, then there will be no reason to even think like this. To me, it sounds like you have so many good things going in life right now, that you wont allow this to happen again. I know that I have faith in you, and I know that you have faith in yourself, to remain free from this crap.

Just stay strong David, and just keep coming here. Alway remember that you are never alone in this

Will see you soon,
Gerald

[IN NEED OF HELP]

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO, where are you my friend? just want to see how my friend is doing

Gerald

[dstine1234]

Hey Gerald, It's been a long while! I am really good! Been seeing the same gal for three months and also working recovery at SLAA meetings couple times a week. With a sponsor, using other resources and best of all P free since the 1st of the year!!! Never dreamed it could happen man! Never dreamed it would happen. MB once since 1/1/12 that's the one slip, if it counts? Still have urges, but put them down. I am with one helluva woman who I love and working a great program. I am blessed. So blessed! I don't really pretend to understand everything but to say that my higher power is showing me things that I have never seen before! Maybe I found that one gal that you thought I would Gerald? Seems like it, she knows about my past with P and accepts me for it.
I hope you are good my friend. I hope your world has plenty of light in it and that your path is clear and that the people around you appreciate your kindness! I am not here as often, but still thinking bout the community and yourself!!
Be well, blessings to all

David

[dstine1234]

Hello all - It's been several weeks for me on here. Lot has happened, mostly good, actually mostly very good. I have been going to SLAA meetings in my area, a few each week. And using the tools of the program, have a sponsor. I have also been dating someone for about four months now. I have had a really good experience with her. I have been totally honest with her about the porn and my meetings, etc. She is accepting. She is a special person, I am blessed to have met her. So with these two things in my life, the meetings and the relationship, I was able to do without the P for three months! I actually haven't done that in about twenty plus years and I am not that old a guy, lol. So, this past weekend, I relapsed and I knew I was collapsing that way, the last week or so. It's a funny feeling to have gone three months, it's like I started to forget all the crappy feelings that I used to feel. So my sponsor says to come clean with the gf, that I am about to do. I know she won't reject me, she knows I am getting help. In the midst of this, I started a new job today, a good one, with decent pay. Haven't had decent pay till now AND I was just accepted into an academic program out of state that I was longing to get accepted to! Lots of stuff happening all at once! Makes me think of my higher power and why all these things are happening simultaneously? Feels almost like a test. So this adds another layer in terms of my relationship with the gf and moving, etc. She and I both want to move forward with things. So that's my update, I think I wasn't here much because my other tools were working so effectively, not that I forgot about this community, it's always a great one and I hope others are benefitting from it.

Blessings,
David

[Mac]

Hey David

Really glad to see you doing so well.
What a great list of good things coming your way, your higher power is definately at work, believe it my friend.
Your story is almost perfect, geez why did you have that lousy relapse thing in the middle of it all.

Wishing all the best
Mac

[dstine1234]

Hey mac,
thanks for writing. I appreciate your words. It is like a dream. I am engaged now and we are moving to Florida in August so that I can pursue more education. One of her first comments to me when we planned this was - "what about your meetings (SLAA)" I almost fell over, that is how much she appreciates my recovery even if it's not been perfect! Of course I told her there are meetings everywhere. I am a lucky man but hey, I waited a lifetime and prayed for a lifetime and put in a lot of hard work! And of course the higher power works wonders sometimes. SInce the relapse I am back on the horse with nine straight days clean of P. Hope you are well yourself?

David