My continued road to recovery

[Evidence_of_Grace]

Hello, all. It has been awhile since I last posted on TTF. Since then, I have married a wonderful woman, have a comfortable, blessed life, yet still find myself struggling with pornography and lust. While I knew marriage isn't a 'cure-all' to these addictions/habits, I guess I didn't realize that those habits would be so hard to break! So, today, I viewed pornography - mainly because I think I was stressed and wanted to fall back into my habit of using P to de-stress or feed my mind's addiction-cravers. Nonetheless, day 1, a confession and hopefully a recovery! God bless you all and stay strong!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Evidence_of_Grace

It is so nice to see you again. and a big congratulations, on your marriage.

But I do need to say this.
As you know, marriage is a special thing. It is when a couple shares a lot of precious moments together and it is when they share many other things. It is so nice that you now feel that you have a blessed life, and a comfortable life. Though this is so nice to hear, please allow me, to voice my concerns.

This addiction, that we all here are trying to deal with, is a very powerful addiction. If you are to allow it, to continue to have this control over you, I can assure you that it will in time find a way, to destroy your happiness that you are having at this point in your life.

Your happiness is not the only one at stake here my friend. Now that you have a wife, it is no longer just your problem that may come your way. You two now will share any problem that does arise in this marriage together. Porn can not, be a part of any relationship, in any way shape or form. Now there is a risk, a very big risk, that if it comes to light, that you are viewing these things, you will rip the HEART out of your beautiful new bride, and she will deal with the pain of it, for a very long time.

I know that I am not telling you anything that you don’t already know. But as a fellow addict, I am very concerned that you will allow this addiction, to be a part of your life still. And believe me when I say, it just wont work, if P is a part of your marriage. Many relationships are involved when it comes to this addiction, and only a few, may be able to survive the pain that it does cause to our SO’s.

I guess I am only telling you this as a reminder as to why you came to this site in the first place and that is, to get the help that you need, to rid yourself from this crap. So please, do what you can, to be here more for help, and stop this addiction right now in its tracks, before you lose your new wife, because of this addiction. Please do not allow this crap to be a part of your family anymore. Don’t allow this addiction, to take away that beautiful time that you should be spending with your wife.

All I want to see is you doing what you can, to have a good recovery. Break free from this crap for good, before it breaks your marriage. I wish you the best, not only in your recovery, but also in your Marriage, and I wish for nothing else but many years of complete happiness.

Gerald

[Evidence_of_Grace]

Gerald,

Well put and thank you for your heart-felt concern. I will take it to heart and hope to use TTF as a tool in my arsenal against this "crap"!

My prayers are for your recovery and well-being!!

[Evidence_of_Grace]

I appreciated Gerald's reply. It has been three days since I viewed pornography. The weekend was great with my wife, A, and I look forward to my evening at home! I haven't felt the tug of lust, noticably or consciously, over the past few days but expect it before too long.

[Evidence_of_Grace]

Tuesday. 4 days without viewing. I have already, today, been attacked by some triggers at work, mainly frustration. I find that when I'm frustrated with work-related issues, I turn to P because it is familar and it 'feels good'. I am going to try and stay busy for the rest of the afternoon so I don't start browsing for provocative images or anything else...

[Charly22]

Tuesday. 4 days without viewing. I have already, today, been attacked by some triggers at work, mainly frustration. I find that when I'm frustrated with work-related issues, I turn to P because it is familar and it 'feels good'. I am going to try and stay busy for the rest of the afternoon so I don't start browsing for provocative images or anything else...

I hope the day kept you busy. I've heard others advise having a plan. Have you put together a plan? A list of triggers is a good place to start. And then come up for a counter to each situation. As kindergarten as it may seem, it will truly help you to visualize what you will do when stress appears.

Our thoughts attract.......

I hope you can daily have thoughts for recovery.

[Teemo]

Evidence_of_Grace,

Sometimes I feel like an old-timer here, and then I see a post from someone who was here before I even heard of TTF. I'm looking forward to reading more.

[Evidence_of_Grace]

All,

Today I viewed; however, I feel as though, maybe, I am making progress. Even as I continue to choose to view, while I'm viewing, I find myself remembering my relations with my wife and how real and how pleasurable that is. I look at what is going on and think that what I have with my wife is so much better and purer than what I'm watching. I'm finding that, and this is not an excuse but just an observation, that my mind has trouble recalling feelings; it is almost as if I only experience feelings in the moment and they don't sink in, however meaningful they are. But, when I'm viewing, it's almost like it forces my mind to remember what my relationship with my wife feels like and means. I recognize the need to remember those things BEFORE I choose to view but don't understand why it doesn't happen. Hopefully, this is some germ of progress! Tomorrow is another day!! Thanks for listening.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Evidence_of_Grace

Sorry to hear that you viewed, but I liked that you came here and told us. I also like that you said, while viewing you remember your relationship that you have with your wife. And you are right, when you say, what you have with her, is so much more pure that this crap, we fill our minds up with.

You know, we all here still have so much work to do in our recovery. No matter how long we remain free from this, there is still so much work to do. If I can say this, you need to find a way not to view. I feel it is harder for you not to view, because you choose to. Our recovery only works if we stop this addiction, dead in its tracks. But if we continue to allowing us to look, only because we want to, then my friend, we are going no where in our recovery.

Maybe there is a way for you to think about your wife before you view, and not after you already done it. I know that you want nothing but complete happiness in your marriage. All of the things that we should be doing, to show our wives, just how much we do Love them, and care for them, are all thrown away, every time we view porn. All of the things that we do to show this addiction, that we love it, should be focused on doing that for our wives. Yes I know that in my last post to you, it was about you viewing while you are married, so I am sorry if I keep harping on the same thing to you. But believe me my friend, when I say to you, that your relationship will not survive, if you allow P to be a part of it.

Maybe when you get that rush, to view these things on the computer, try to take that same energy that it takes to look at these women that would have nothing to do with us in the first place, and walk away from the computer, go to your wife, and hold her, look in her eyes, and let her know, just how much you do love her. The feelings that you will get from doing this will be so much greater, than sitting in front of a computer feeding your addiction.

As always my friend, I do wish the best for you in your recovery. I will do what I can, to be here for you, and help you, in your recovery

Your fellow addict
Gerald

[Evidence_of_Grace]

Grumble. Today I viewed a very moderate amount of P and attempted to view more. My job is definitely a trigger in that the 'annoyances' around me cause me to want to 'self-medicate' or pursue mental 'junk food'. As a side bar, I notice the tendency to eat actual junk food during those times too so I'm not ruling out a connection howevever distant! My main reason in posting today is to have a clean slate with you all. I'm very tired of being tempted and giving in to the temptation, very tired. I want the temptation to go away so I am not faced with a choice because I seemingly cannot go a day without choosing to view even the slightest amount of P, on average. There have been days with no viewage. Anyway, I'm just rambling. My fellow battlers, be encouraged!