My addiction; my story;

[towardsGod]

Hi guys,

I'm a graduate in Mechanical engineering from India and I'm new to this forum. First of all I would like to thank the person who post this website link in one of the porn torrent site. I got this link from there. The irony was that I was trying to download porn when I accidentally caught up with this link. I had been trying to stop P and MB since the day I started it, which would be the time when I was about 15 or so. It wasn't me who started it though. There was a neighbor who was about 5 years older than me. He was my brother's friend and I used to go there time and again. He gradually started ******************* That was the start of my illness. There onwards it was uncontrollable really. I stopped for a brief period of about 6-7 months when I was in my 10th grade. Then when the exam season came, I started it again. In all those years it wasn't porn which I relied upon as it was not accessible to me. It was mostly posters and fantasies. When I passed my 10th , I had the facility of computer and internet connection. That's when I started watching Porn. From there onwards it was all downhill. I tried to stop every now and then, and the next day I was at it again. College days were the worst at it because there was no one to hide from and I could do whatever I wish to do in my hostel room. So here I am, lost, uncontrollable, totally out of my mind. The frequency of MBs have been less nowadays, but the stimulus ie the thing which causes the desire is becoming smaller and less intense everyday. I mean in the past I needed a strong urge to do it, but now even watching a hollywood movie love scene makes me want to do a MB. I can't control the urge.
Now I know most of the guys here believe that their addiction or sex drive is higher than others, and I too feel like that about myself. All those symptoms that has been mention on ttf is true in my case. I am always sad, I get angry very easily, I yell at everyone, I can't finish any task on time, i'm very lazy and after I have an m, I feel disgusted about myself. These symptoms which are listed as the symptoms of PA are in my life too. Edit.


Another thing which I fear the most is my line of sight. I come from a remote village area and the women here are well dressed, and very concealed. But when there is a woman or a girl who is accidentally having her cleavage exposed or her neck line exposed, I involuntarily gazes to that spot even for one second. Now what worries me about this is that it happens even if the woman is from my family too. It's not like gazing on that spot,the moment I catches that glimpse I turn away in shame. But that first glimpse is enough to make you a pervert on a moron. I need help with that.
I'm a religious person and my belief is that MB is a sin. So I wan't to stop it for me to lead a spiritual or a faithful life. i've tried to adopt spiritual methods to tackle mb and P, but it always backfired. That's when I found out about this forum. Now I aim at tackling with mb and p first and through that I want to return to my spiritual ways.
Thanks to this website, I now have a means through which I can recover from my addiction. Before this, I didn't have any idea as to how I could get back to my normal life. I look forward to the exciting times ahead of me, ofcourse with all the help I can get from you guys out here.

I'm 3 days Blue now.

[Teemo]

towardsGod,

I find it very sad to think that P can bring us down no matter where we come from, no matter what our background, our education, our values. Some of us get into it so easily, and can't seem to get out. It pretends to give us something good (life, joy, love) but in reality it pulls us away from real life, real joy, and real love, and then it destroys those things so we cannot have them.

Make a plan, my friend. Put together as much support as you can. Go into this with everything you can think of in place to help you find success. Make all the changes in your life that you need to make. You are worth it.

I hope to read more about your journey.

Teemo

[maggie]

TowardsGod,

Please give your spirit some well deserved credit.... You are trying to gain control of this in your life. That is admirable.

You realize you have a problem, you want to correct it. That alone puts you far ahead in succeeding. You will find many men here who want to help you. Let them. They will offer advice and give you support when you feel like giving in.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

MAHI
Welcome, to TTF

I am so happy that you have found this site, and you decided to come here, for help with your addiction.
You will see that we are a very Loving, and caring family here. You will see that we will do what we can, to help you, with this problem that we all have here. You will see, that you are, in no way at all, ALONE.
This addiction, affects so many on this earth. It does not care where you were born, or how your upbringing was. All this addiction wants, is to be a part of your life, and it wants to be the one that is in control. But that is why we are all here. We no longer, what this crap, controlling our lives.

Though this is a tough addiction to beat, I need to tell you, that you can beat it. I am a 55 year old man, with over 42 years of this addiction in my life, but I am very proud, in being 11 months free from it. Believe me, 11 months ago, I never would have thought, that I would be able to give this life up. P was my life. I loved it, and I could not wait, until my next time, to view it. There was not a single day, that went by, that in one way or the other, my addiction was not fed. I lived for it; I couldn’t wait, until my SO was out of the house, so I can indulge in my lust for this addiction.

But I am free from it today, and I will work as hard as I can today, so I can be free from it tomorrow. One day at a time, and one foot in front of the other. Please just do what you can, to fight this addiction out of your life. Find whatever tools that you need to use in your recovery, and use them to the best of your ability. If you give in to this addiction, please don’t allow yourself in getting down on yourself. But instead, pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and start this battle all over again.

We are here for you, and we will help you the best that we can. It is you, that needs to put up this strong fight against this addiction, but as you are doing it, we will try, to keep you on the right path, to total freedom, from this addiction. Continues coming here, and let us know how you are doing. It is only by you writing here, that we know, how to help you.

I wish you the best on this journey. I will be looking forward in hearing more from you soon.
You can and will do this my friend

Your fellow addict
Gerald

[towardsGod]

Thanks guys. I'm currently 4 days green. I want to utilize each and every tool necessary to get rid of it. Just saw that there is a filter K9 for free. How do I get it? will it work outside of the US?

[2frustrated]

Not sure about the filter question . . .

But I'm glad to read your story and glad you've chosen to change. Don't feel so bad about your tendency to look at women in real life. It's natural for our brains to immediately notice potentially arousing things. It is only when we give that noticing a green light, and PERSIST in looking, that there is a real problem. So give yourself a pat on the back for looking away so quickly.

[towardsGod]

Not sure about the filter question . . .

But I'm glad to read your story and glad you've chosen to change. Don't feel so bad about your tendency to look at women in real life. It's natural for our brains to immediately notice potentially arousing things. It is only when we give that noticing a green light, and PERSIST in looking, that there is a real problem. So give yourself a pat on the back for looking away so quickly.

Well, I heard there was a filtering software called K9. I had a doubt whether it will work outside of US. But never mind, I've got a parental control in my Kaspersky AV itself.