Haven't been able fight it by myself ... Elisting the help of others

[Dida]

I am starting this journal because I know it will help me knowing that others are reading or responding to my journal. That will give me a strong level of accountability. Because of a lag in getting access to the forum, I am starting this journal and it is day 5 of chastity!

The biggest trigger I have to p and mb is being alone. If I am at home, even just for lunch on a weekday, the temptation is great. If I am away on business, it is even worse. Late at night is also big, when my SO is asleep and I am supposed to be working. When I do get the urge to give in, my goal is to come to this site everytime and read until I can defeat the temptation.

God, I want to do this for you and for my wife. There is no other way forward than without these sins. I ask for the strength to be the man you intended for me to be.

[lost_one]

hey there dida.. welcome to TTF..

was waiting for your journal in here.. :)

well let me tell you something.. you are in a good and the right place..

during my heavy urges this place helped very much..

the most important step in recovery is to acknowledge the problem.. and as long as you have the solid reasons like you do have.. God and Family.. trust me.. it will be harder to relapse again..

best wishes for your new beginning..!

[Dida]

Thanks for the message!

I'm glad to be here ... this is really what I need.

It is day 7 ... wow ... one week. I have been trying to break free on my own for a while. My longest time was around 40 days. Each time there is a break down, it always seems like I crash hard. I am typing this late, and the only time I can really get on here is late at night. That's probably a good thing, as when I'm on the computer late, bad things tend to happen.

I have to be especially careful next week, because I will be traveling by myself, and that is when the temptation is the strongest. Luckily I will likely be so busy that I won't have time. But there will always be temptation. I believe that I can keep it in control though. I have been slightly tempted over the past few days, but nothing extreme. I have done a good job of turning my mind away from any bad thoughts.

I hope to keep this up!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Dida

I am so sorry that I didn't see your post in the new members area, when you posted there. So I want to give you a belated welcome to TTF. It is very encouraging, to see new ones coming here, for there help with this addiction. I can promise you, that coming here, is one of the best choices you have made in your life. We all here, just want to see you live a clean, P free life. and since we want to see this, we will be here for you, to help you the best that we can.

You can not do this on your own my friend. we all need the support, and encouragement from others. I see you are on day 7, and that is wonderful. you said the longest time you have had freedom from this, was 40 days. that is encouraging, very encouraging. I am sure, you will make it again to 40 days, and then some. before you were alone in this, but not no more. you are now with a family, that cares a lot about you, so we will be right there by your side,so your not fighting this addiction alone anymore.

You already know, that you need to be careful next week, because you will be traveling alone. since you know, this can be a weak time for you, plan NOW, in what you will do, to over come any temptations can can come your way. always try to be, one step in front of this addiction.

In an earlier post in your journal, you said this:
God, I want to do this for you and for my wife. There is no other way forward than without these sins. I ask for the strength to be the man you intended for me to be.

Just a thought. doing this for GOD, and your wife, is wonderful, but please just also make sure, that you are doing it for YOURSELF TOO.
If it is not within US, to do it for us, then it will never be done

Good luck to you in your recovery. keep working this recovery, and each passing day, will get much better for you

Gerald

[Dida]

Thank you so much for the post, Gerald. You're right. While I am doing this for God and my wife, my heart has to be in it, also. It definitely is. I would not want to not be held prisoner to such an addiction, even if I was single or Atheist. I'm doing this for myself as well.

It is day 9 (or day 10 where I am currently), and I'm alone on my trip. This is the crucial time for me. Thank you God that I have this website to come to at these times. Since the only time I can really post on the site is when I am alone, it fits perfectly in the fight against p and mb because I come to this site to post when I am alone and vulnerable.

I already feel better about myself as a person in these 10 days, and I feel more at peace. It will be hard, as it has already ... I have had dreams that seemed so real that I had to check to see if I succumbed to mb in my sleep. But I have been doing a good job so far, and I hope to keep it up throughout this trip. Thanks everybody.

[aaronleong]

Dida, welcome to the forum. You are in the right place -- the people and the support you get here are very encouraging. Your sense of purpose is spot on, so props to you for taking the initiative and having a plan. If you maintain your abstinence from porn and masturbation, God WILL nourish you and your relationship with your wife. Check out my thread to see what happens if you don't. Cheers to you and good luck. Keep us posted, ok?

[HopefulsRock]

Dida... You're in the right place in your head and here at TTF... Welcome and congratulations on realizing the problem and deciding to do something about it because that is the first step and the most difficult one! I can tell that 10 days is quite an achievement for you and that's awesome when you cross certain milestones along this path of recovery but the real payoff or achievement is when that switch goes off in your head and you realize that you're doing this for you! Recovering from this consuming addiction is a process and I'll say a very difficult one at times but once you've got that solid commitment to yourself you'll find the strength you need to carry on my friend!

In my opinion there's nothing more important in your life right now than recovering from this and moving forward in a positive direction... I pray you find the strength in your journey.

[DoneWrong]

Hi Dida I believe you can do this, especially if you heart is in it. I think you might need a plan, which for me was all the positives not to view p and all the negative effects it had on me and would have on my life if I kept going. Things I can run through in my mind if feeling weak. Try and stop as you are about to start typing and think for a few minutes of the harm your doing to yourself and loved ones. What's a few minutes? There's a lot of helpful people here and a lot of good advice. You just need to find something that works for you. It is difficult to beat this on your own, hopefully you can find some of the help and support you need here. Be strong. DW

[Dida]

Thank you guys for your support. I was on a business trip earlier in the week, and I never gave in to the temptation! And your posts really popped up at just the right time for me too!

It is day 16, and earlier this week was tough at times. Fortunately, I was kept very busy, but that didn't mean I didn't have to work to avoid p and mb. I feel like I am getting stronger, I really believe I can knock this out of my life totally. I am excited to be pushing myself on this, I will let you guys know how it is going. Thanks.

[Dida]

Well, after a lengthy absence i am back...unfortunately i did not do well when i was away ... After making It 3 weeks, i gave in, and then made It another 2 weeks before falling again. After that It was really downhill.I need to find my strength again. I will do my best to post regularly because i know that this website is the best way to stay honest.About to start day 1...