My First Recovery Journal

[IN NEED OF HELP]

just taking it moment by moment. I find I get myself in trouble when I say...I'm never going to do that again.. . I need to just stay in the moment as much as I can and just say I'm not doing that right now and keep saying that with each temptation that comes along. This is how I have to approach it, one moment and thought at a time. I just set myself up for failure if I do it any other way.

Hey sick of it

You are doing it the right way. we do not ever know what tomorrow will bring us, so we just live in the moment we are in, and hope we do the right things. it will just add to much un needed pressure to us, if we allow areselves to stress out for tomorrow, when today is not even done yet.
So keep fighting this crap as you are right now. keep doing this one day at a time, one thought at a time, one step at a time. If we do this, then we wont act out anymore with this addiction.

Just stay strong, and always just be on guard, and you will be ok with this. I wish you the best in your recovery

Gerald

[Sick of It]

Just thougt I'd share a message I sent to a great friend on this site. We can't do this alone and it takes all the wonderful people here who have an honest desire to change, to help me day by day. All we have is freedom from this moment by moment and day by day. We may not will every battle but we will surely win the war!I wish I had a better way of sending messages then my iPhone, but that's what I got for now so it'll have to do. Great to see you writing again, it's encouraging for me. I had a great weekend as we took the family to the poconos for the weekend to a place called great wolf lodge. It's an indoor water park for the whole family. We took our son their for his 5th b day. Time sure does fly.As you can imagine I was bombarded buy images of all sorts of things. I realized that I can't stop the first look but I can stop the second, third, fourth, fifth.....you get the idea. I did have a great thought as I was floating on a tube in the wave pool. Our thoughts are like waves coming and going but as long as we don't resist them, just kind of let them come and go they pass on by as we gently sway with them. However if we resist them they knock us all over the place. Same with p thoughts; they will come and go and as long as we don't resist or react to them they will pass right on by. We need to treat our thoughts as just temporary movements one way or the other but we don't have to react or resist them; we just gently observe them. Resistance to them is where the problem occurs; resistance just creates tension and pain. Just allow the thoughts to enter and exit our minds like drifting on a ocean of gentle waves without focusing undo attention on them. Don't know why this came to me on that way, but since then I've been a lot more relaxed and less tense about each p thought they comes into my head. I just allow it to enter and exit as gently as it entered. Thought I'd share this with you since I've been trying to live my life in this gentle fashion and not resist anything, just observe it and move on to the next moment. It's all about observing each and every moment you are in and being fully present there. If you are, desire for anything other then that moment doesnt exist. Eckart Tolle called it living it the NOW. Another term for it is living life mindfully. Many people have been living their life like this for ages but modern western culture is totally opposite of this, as a matter of fact, advertising is the antithesis of this way of thinking, for without creating a desire for something within you ( other then this moment) they cannot sell you anything. This works astonishingly well for the p industry. Ok I'm tired of typing on my iPhone, my hands hurt. May god truly bless you and keep you in the palm of his hand. For his is the peace that surpases all understanding

[BestShot]

Hey Sick of It!

Great to see you writing again! I like what you wrote. Very artistic and creative :) Anyway brother, I am having a good day. This is my third time here at TTF today. I need it these days. I like my friends here because they are like me....trying to break free from this ridiculous addiction! It's hard being around others who don't understand OR just say "it's ok, everybody does it." Being here is like being with family. Unconditional love and support. Lord knows I need it. Keep posting and I will do the same!

Your Pal,

BestShot

[Sick of It]

I'm doing good today, another day off this crap. I still have triggers; anger, frustration, fear, boredom you know, the usual. But I'm actually applying the whole "this too shall pass" thing whenever things come up. One thing I never want to take for granted again is the support I have found here. Things couldn't be going any worse with getting my parents house ready to sell after mom passed and putting pop in the home. He needs the money and we need to get the house on the market to show a good faith effort to sell. The home costs 5k a month and he has Parkinson's. The house is a wreck even after weeks and weeks of cleaning. The family is being torn apart as the toxicity of the family rose exponentially after mom died. Lots of anger and no one talks to eachother anymore. Everyone wrote everyone else off. My family was completely dysfunctional from day one. It's a miracle I came our of it some what in tact.But even this will not make me go back to p. If I do, then I'm just proving that I'm as sick and nuts as the rest of them. I need total seperation from that environment; body mind and spirit. Only if it were that easy. I still have to go up to that he'll hole every week from now till whenever the house is ready to put on the market.But once I'm done I'm done with those peopleForever. Brother and two sisters. I don't wish anything bad for them but I just can't be around them, for my own peace and sanity.

[Sick of It]

This is the first time I used this site when I really needed to. I am going through a lot of stress right now and had a s dream last night. I have been doing well lately, but today for some reason it just came out of the blue and hit me upside my head with urges. I thought it through and new that I would lose if I just kept thinking about it. I learned from coming here that I have actully DO something different when I feel urges. Sitting there and just focusing on the thought and not allowing it to pass on by, leads to obsession. If I obsess enough without doing something different Im done. My son is in the other room and there was no way I was going to act out. I draw my line there. I came on here twice today, because I needed to. I started reading peoples journals and it really took the obsession away immdiatly. I always tell myself that the thought is just a thought and it will go away, but today I wasn't able to do that. I had to come here and see how many other pepole are succeeding through this and tell people what is really going on with me. I made it through this obsession and as long as I continue to do this everytime I have an obssesion (a million times a day if I have to) its going to build a much healthier habbit of dealing with my obsession. All this addiction is is a long time habit I allowed to develop. I am now in the process of undoing that habbit and starting a much healther one. One day at a time.

Thanks for being here and teaching me how to do this. I no longer feel so alone going through this.

[BestShot]

Hey Brother! Stay strong! Listen, you need to dump a lot of messages out of your inbox. I can't get you my number unless you do. I love the real time "idea".

[Sick of It]

I can't believe I haven't come here to share my new weapon against pa. I have found a podcast of over 150 episodes on pa. I listen to it every single day and it's given by someone who has suffered through pa for many years but now has multiple years sober. I have also been textingy accountsbty parrtner daily to check in. I find that real time accountability is so important for me. I mean I know I can always come crying back here, literally, and you guys will always pick me back up. What good does that do me? I need to be held accountable in the moment of choice and now I have 4 weapons for that: this site, my accountability parter, podcasts and now a phone number to text when I get into trouble. For me I need as many tools as I can get. This podcast has given me something listen to and identify with on the way home from work and befor bed every night. Im just so tired of th cycle and now I have a couple weeks, I want to keep the momentum going. A body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an opposing force. My tools are my momentum and pa is the opposing force. I just need to have more force going in the right direction. I am much more able to do that the more tools I have to propel myself. I guess I'm on a physics kick today. Get and listen to ASI (attitudes of blank impurity) podcasts. They are truly a wonderful tool to add to you recovery toolbox. I still can't bereave it took this long for me to tell you guys about them. I guess i was so cought up listening to them that I completely forgot to share my success here and for that I apologize to all of you.Keep up the fight. Remember we may lose a battle or two but together and only together we will win the war.Believe it!May GOD bless you and keep you in the palm of his hand always. And may all of us find the peace that surpasses all understanding.

[BestShot]

AWESOME my brother!

[Sick of It]

I just had to come here and let everyone know that this site saved me from a sure slip last night. For some reason I had it in my head that I've been making progess so a slip would just be part of the process. Man this beast can talk my into thinking that a slip here and there is perfectly fine and acceptable. It's not. Especially if you talk yourself into believing that just as an excuse to delve into p. Anyway, I had my phone in my head ready to surf, and this is the site that I have set as my home page. I even tries to bypass it really quickly so I could do my thing but for "some reason" my computer locked up on this site fir just enough time for mento be able to process the thought long enough to come to my senses and realize what I was actually doing and stop. So this site literally saved a slip. It's amazing how quick a thought translates into an action with this. But having that extra time to fully process the thought really helord. Mindfullness is all about being present in the moment and just observing and labeling your thoughts but not reacting to them. I really need to practice that more often in my life. But ill say it agin. Having this site set as my home page saved me. Thanks so much for being here. Next time ill be much more aware of my thoughts.

[BestShot]

To My Friend,

I know exactly what you are talking about with regards to the benefit of this site. There have been countless moments when I was ready to "Click" and said to myself, "I should go to TTF and see what is interesting to read". It has saved me many, many times. I also agree that we owe it to others in this struggle to read their journals and encourage them. It's only fair and it always helps us as well. I am glad you are here buddy.

I am proud of your continued effort!

Yours in the bond of healing and our Lord,

BestShot