New Here

[basha]

This is my first post. I am not a good speaker or you can say I have lost most of it over time with living in my virtual P world. I am trying to give up this habit that is destroying my life in many ways. 34 years old, 12 years in this misery, the recent 7 years were the worst. This is the beast I have to feed every day. This is the medicine that numbs my brain whenever I am feeling stressed or desperate. This is the fire that keeps growing and as it grows, needs more and more fuel. It is not too late, it is never too late.

I found this forum by chance a couple of days ago and just reading the posts and journals has been very helpful. I do appreciate all the efforts you good people are doing here. I will be thankful for any support.

4 days free

[Cupcakemomma]

Hi Basha,
Welcome to TTF. I so hope you find the support and encouragement here that you need to continue on your journey of recovery.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Basha

Welcome to your new home here at TTF

Though I am sorry that you need to be here, I am very happy that you are. just by you coming here, puts you on a good start for your recovery, and it makes you just one step closer in your freedom from this addiction.

I am not going to sugar coat this at all, when it comes to your recovery. fighting this addiction is the best thing you may have done in your life, but at times, it wont be the easiest thing that you have done either. But I can say, IT CAN BE DONE. I like what you said, that IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.. you are so right about that, when you said it. it is never to late, to become a person that we never knew we could be, because we was so wrapped up in this addiction.

I see that you are already 4 days clean from this addiction. what an wonderful start for you my friend. but for you to continue in adding free days from this, please make sure, that you have a recovery plan in order for yourself, so you can get trough the rough times, that will come around. you need to have this plan, to help you in staying away from this crap at all times. YOU CAN NOT FEED THIS BEAST AT ALL ANYMORE.

Everyone has there own ways to deal with this addiction. the way you handle it, could be very different in the way that others may handle it, but this is ok. we don't care how you handle it, as long as you do. once you find ways to handle it, and then you soon find, that they are not working for you, make changes in them. sometimes it takes a little time, to find the right way to get this out of your life. it does not matter that you change it every other day, as long as you make changes. you will find the right things that will help you with your recovery.

I am a very firm believer that if it is not 100% in your heart to fight this beast with all that you have, then you will not come out a victor in this battle. if it is not an HEARTFELT determination to rid yourself from this, it just wont work.

This addiction has destroyed so many people. it has taken away so many things from all of us here. though we can never take back the damage that it done, what we can do, is start making us a better person by transforming ourselves into that MAN we truly strive to be in life. and as you move forward in your recovery, making changes in your life, will be that much easier for you to do so.

As I said, this could be the hardest thing that you ever decided to do in your life. but I feel it is only as hard as the person makes it for themselves. if you have a good solid plan for you, and you work theses plans, ten it is much easier to do.

There are so many things to learn, but as you come here, and let us know how you are doing, regardless if good or bad, we will help you. this is how you learn to fight this addiction, by allowing others to respond back to you, so you can learn things from others.

So I hope to see you around here as much as you can be. the wonderful thing abut this site, is that there are so many wonderful, loving people here, who want to see you live a life, that has no room for this addiction to be in it.

I hope to see you soon. you will do just fine im sure. you are not alone here in any way at all. we all understand what you are going through.

Good luck to you in your recovery

Your fellow addict

Gerald

[basha]

Cupcakemomma

Thanks for the warm welcome :)

IN NEED OF HELP

I do appreciate you taking the time writing such a wonderful response. For the plan, I am not really sure what you mean with this, I just decided and I am not going back, this is my plan. I have been reading the forum topics and have had a few great tips. I know it will not be that easy but at the same time I know I have the determination and the persistence for doing this. I do not wanna hate my self any more. i do not want to escape from every minor stress in my life to P. I want to redeem things I deserve in life and I can achieve if I just set my self free from this addiction. I totally agree and I like that you said "</span>to become a person that we never knew we could be" but to be honest with you, I have known this man for a period of my life. Hard working, honest and more important IN PEACE WITH MY SELF, which I do really miss</span>!! Never had a day of peace since this started, I have become a lousy person in my carer and have not been an achiever as I used to be. I want to get this man back!! Again, thank you for the awesome response and I will be here on daily basis as much as I can :) <br>

[basha]

5 days FREE

The temptations are here, not as strong yet, but they are here. I know it is gonna get worse but I am ready for it this time. This is not a try, this is it, I am quitting!!

I was going up the subway stairs today at the end of a long day, I felt my body light and the pain in my thigh muscles is not there! I started to taste the fruit of being my self again and man it is delicious!!!!!!!!!!!!

[JenMac]

Hey Basha!
Welcome to TTF!
I am glad you have found us! I know you will find much wisdom and support here!
Basha, you have made a decision that you will not regret! There are many here who have adopted the Relapse is Not an Option stance that Artguy started some time ago. Maybe you want to join in with the others on that.
Take some time Basha to look around at others who have found success, to see what their plans consisted of. Figuring out what your triggers are, removing yourself from situations that may prove difficult, putting a filter on your computer to ward off weakness, taking up healthy pastimes to keep yourself occupied, etc. etc.
It is amazing how much your life can change if you are truly wanting to be free of this addiction. I know for my H mac and I, we have made many changes, all of which have been healthy and positive in our lives. What changes do you see as necessary in moving forward Basha, besides the giving up of P.
Wishing you all the best as you move forward toward recovery Basha!
Jenn

[Mac]

Hey Basha
Just want to welcome you to TTF.
I hope you will find at least some of what you need to help you get past this addiction.
There is a huge amount of resourses here and it is really only limited by you and how you choose to use them.
I hope you will set yourself some goals and put a plan in place to start achieving them. One step, one day at a time. Just get headed in a direction that takes you away from P

I wish you great success.

Mac

[basha]

JenMac & Mac

Thank you very much for your response. You people make me feel like I have a family here with all the support, love and compassion of a real family. I have tried the filter before but I always find a way to go around it. So, this time, no filter and I am just saying to my self "do not you dare going to one of these P sites!!!!". I guess what I need to do is be more outgoing with more outdoor activities. My career needs lots of studying, this is why I stay home most of the time.

I have tried to locate "Relapse is Not an Option" by ArtGuy, have not been able to find it. But for me, Relapse is cannot be an Option since in my prior failed trials of giving up, every time I relapse, it comes back to me much worse and more intense than before. Then, I have even harder time in my next trial of quitting. I am not the kind of person how can cut down habits, it is all or none!!

Again, Thanks to both of you for the warm welcome :)

[basha]

6 days FREE

Still have a long way ahead. Thank god this time of my life is very busy so it is helpful keeping my mind occupied, but at the same time it is more stressful making me want to escape to my virtual world where my brain is numb and totally isolated from reality. I feel life better now. I hope I am not hallucinating but some how I see the day a night just more bright!!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Basha
I am so happy to see you are 6 days free from this crap. This is a very big step in your recovery. One days clean from it is wonderful, but 6 days, is so much better.
You are not hallucinating my friend. What you are doing, is starting to feel the effects of a life without this addiction in it. The amazing thing about it is, that each passing day, that goes by, you will even start feeling better. Each day will be so much brighter for you. Each day, you will feel that you can do so much more in your life. When you start feeling the way you do at this time in your life, it just shows, just how much this addiction can take away from one of its victims.

Keep the feelings you are feeling now, in your heart. I say this, because when temptations come, and they will come to you, before you give in to them, remember just how good you feel in life right now, and know, that once you give in to this addiction, all of theses good feelings will be gone. You never want to return to who you was a short time ago.


As what I meant for a plan, is this. Us addicts needs to learn how to deal with things when they come up.
What are you going to do, if you are in front of the computer, and you are fighting against yourself, in not wanting to click to your old favorite site? Are you going to sit there and give into this addiction, or are you going to do something else, to get you away from the computer?


What are you going to do, if you are watching TV, and a program comes on, that can trigger you, to think about looking at some P?


What are you going to do, when you are in the streets, and you see a woman that gets your attention? Are you going to keep checking her out, and allow Lust to come into play, and when you get home, that may be enough to allow yourself to waddle in the mud with some P?


Just know what you are going to do, before that time happen. It is too late to know what you are going to do, when this beast is at your door, trying to feed you this addiction.

I am happy to see you doing as good as you are in your recovery. Just keep it up my friend
Your fellow addict
Gerald