Jace in LA

[jaceinla]

Hi all,

I know I'm new to most of you here, but I'm not new to recovery. I've been on the NP support board for well over a year, and I've learned a lot. However, I've come to the realization that I have to do what is best for me, and what's best for me is a vibrant community. While NP has a great set of loving people for support, this board seems to, in it's simplest form, have more active members, more people to reach out to, more people to help. Sometimes too much of a good thing can be terrible, but in this case, it's the opposite :).

I've been slipping lately...about 3 times a week. Granted, when I was way in the hole, I gracefully looked upon the idea of 3 days a week as heaven.

It's really hard for me to determine if I've gotten better. I can say confidently I've learned so much over the past year, but I don't feel I may have put it all into action. My best streak was 2 weeks. I slipped tonight after 3 days, and I knew I was going to do it. I literally had nothing else to do. I was at home, by myself, completely bored and tired. Two bad combinations if you ask me. I thought about P consciously...without lust, and thought "well it's something to do at least"...and here I am :)

Here's to learning more and getting better! Looking forward to my new family.

- Jason

[JenMac]

Hi Jason!
Welcome to TTF!
You are right. This is a wonderful community, full of many wise and supportive members. You will gain much from being here.
Jason, if you have been seeking recovery for a year now, you must be aware that something in your plan is not working for you. I have witnessed that the most successful members here have all adopted the 'Relapse is not an Option' stance that Artguy introduced. As with any other addiction, it would seem that every time you give in to 'just a little', you are just tempting yourself with more and more. It doesn't seem possible to wean yourself off of this stuff. You have to ride out the urges, as difficult as that may seem to be.
Jason, there are many here who can guide you and help you to strengthen your plan. They can give you suggestion based on their own experiences. But it is you who will determine the extent of your success. It is you who will decide how serious you are in your committment to be P free. It is you who will set the stage to rid yourself of this soul destroying addiction. It is you who will decide if you are up for the challenge.
I hope you find what you need here Jason to assist you in your quest! I wish you all the best in your journey! I have witnessed great things happening when recovery is achieved. I wish the same for you!
All the best!
Jenn

[IN NEED OF HELP]

I again welcome you back to TTF

I just want to say, that I am so glad that you decided to come back to us here at TTF. No doubt if you are to try to come here more often, we can help you a lot better. If we are to even have a chance of beating this beast, we have to put up a good hard firm fight against him. if we don't, then we are sure to fall as a victim to this beast.

You have been fighting this for about a year, so I need to agree whole heartily with Jen. after a year, I feel that you /we should be doing better in our recovery. perhaps you do need to take a good look at the plans you have sit out for yourself, and see what tool/weapon is not working for you. I am not saying in any way, that EVERYONE should be 100% P free after a year, because yes it can take some addicts longer to get over this addiction that we have. But I will say, that after a year, we should have it under control a lot better. And the best way to have it under control, is by having a plan, a damn good plan, THAT WORKS.

I have no ideal how old you are, I looked to see if your age were on your other posts, but I didn't see it, but I am 55 years old. I know age doesn't matter with a addict, but I am only bringing this up, because, if I can do this, then you should be able to do it. I have well over 40 years of this addiction in my life. I started off at a young age, and never gave it up, because it just became a part of my life. Now I am almost 8 months free from this addiction.

Does this make me better than you, because I am almost 8 months free, no, not in any way shape or form, does it make me better than you. The only thing it shows, is that no matter how deep, or how long someone had this addiction, you/we can beat it, and start having control over are own mind, heart,and soul.
You know what?, I feel better, than I ever have about life now. And all I want, is for you to start feeling better about yourself, and about life.

I will say, it is not easy to get 8 months under your belt, in being free from this. But with the feeling that we have in being free from this, it is well worth the fight, that we need to do, to become free.

I need to say this, because I am only here to help you with the struggles you are going through. How bad do you want this addiction OUT of your life? I only ask this, because if you do want it out of your life, then there is no REASON/EXCUSE, as to why someone cant have it out of there life. All it really does take Jason, is a determination from our HEARTS, to get rid of this crap. and if it is not in our Hearts 100% to want this gone, then, it will never leave. And lets face it Jason, you know that you cant keep going like this, and continue to live with this addiction. each day we live with this addiction, it is just dragging us down, so much more.

What I would like to see from you, is for you to try, to get a better handle on this addiction. I want to see you, getting your life back under control, and you be the one, who says what you can or cant do in life. Sure, this beast is always going to try to throw you off, but if you are in control of you, then this beast does not stand a chance against your powers to get rid of this crap.

Please start coming here as much as you can, and share with us, your good days, and your bad days. Let us help you Jason Yes you are engaged in a fierce battle right now, but you have a army here, who are willing to stand by your side, to help you with this battle.
You are not here along at all. WE WANT TO HELP YOU

Good luck to you Jason. I know that you can do this

Gerald

P.S, I like your LA pic. I have it as my desktop here at home

[2frustrated]

Hello fellow L.A.er. Us L.A. folks on the site have always joked (lamentably) about how the struggle is harder here in L.A., where appearances are everything. I'm very glad your here and will be following you in your recovery.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hello fellow L.A.er. Us L.A. folks on the site have always joked (lamentably) about how the struggle is harder here in L.A., where appearances are everything. I'm very glad your here and will be following you in your recovery.

Lets make it a mission to get all of the LA folks here to TTF. Oh no, this weekend is Carmageddon time

[rouby]

I am just dropping by to welcome you here.I hope you find the support that we all need here.

[HopefulsRock]

Hey Jason... indeed welcome to TTF and I hope the switch over to us is the switch that finally kills the the P addiction for you!

Jenn said it exactly right, no if's and's or buts about it... it's YOU and only YOU who can rid yourself of this ever consuming addiction and relapse is not an option! I hope for your sake that last night marks your last time ever that you will seek out to P & MB... it's over Jason! Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that it's over because you've been at this long enough to know that you need to quit and the time is now! Take a look at how ridiculous this statement looks...

I slipped tonight after 3 days, and I knew I was going to do it. I literally had nothing else to do

I don't car if your in solitary confinement... there is always something else that's more productive in fact you are kind of in solitary confinement and better start using your time to find a way out!

Sorry if that sounds harsh but I guess I'm getting a little intolerant of the failures I'm reading about and we could sure use some more grit and strength around here and for some reason I see it in you already... maybe it's the LA connection! I'm a New Yorker but I was born in LA, so I'm one of you too!

[jaceinla]

What a wonderful sight to see six replies!

I want to go through and address all of your responses, thank you for taking the time to give your welcomes and insight:

JenMac,

I totally am on board with the idea of not weaning yourself off of something like this. I really think that's my biggest issue. At first sight a little seems so harmless, but in hind-sight...which is usually after a slip, it's the same thing as a full slip. It's great to be reminded of that fact. I'm sure I'm going to find what I need for myself here.

IN NEED OF HELP,

I agree with the plans. I think what I've done is learned a lot, but not put in to action. I've thought of great plans, but haven't attempted them at 100%. I'm 26 :) I know it's worth the fight, but to hear it from someone who has done so well it's always reassuring and exciting. I'm so glad to hear that "we want to help you". Really make me feel like I've got a great new family here. Love that you have the LA background haha.

2frustrated,

That's awesome! The fact that INOH brought up Carmageddon makes it real.

rouby,

Thanks for the kind words on this board and back on NP


HopefulsRock,

Totally right. My mind was not in the right place. When I've gone on a good streak I look back and am disgusted that I even considered acting out so I can understand how you feel. I'm ready to kick this once and for all.

Thank you all for your kind messages!

[Remi]

Hi JaceinLA, welcome to TTF. I remember you from NP back when I was there (albeit under a different name). Whilst NP is a bigger community you will notice there is a much bigger family feel to TTF. Everyone chips in with advice and support. I hope being here gives you a renewed strength to continue in your progress. I look forward to following your success.

[Teemo]

I'm ready to kick this once and for all.

Jason,

Welcome to TTF. I like your determination and your conviction that now is the time to quit for good. I think the process of learning about this addiction and fighting it in various ways can take a long time. I know that I "fought" it for many years. The problem is that we have to come to a place where we are ready to do whatever it takes, and feel whatever we have to feel, to get free. At some point it is no longer about trying. Even when we have arrived at that place, and are truly ready, we need a lot of help. TTF is here to help. I hope you can find other help, too. I am fortunate to have both an accountability partner (a close friend) and a counselor. Put together all the support you can. Make your plan and write it down. Then pour yourself into it. Life is short, and we need to get it right.


Teemo