My Journey

[rumblebuffin]

Well, day 1 was a success. I went to a social event this evening with some friends. Occasionally, I saw good looking women, but wasn't tempted to mentally undress them, or fantasize about them.

One of the tools, I want to use in this journey, is scripture. I would like to pick out at least one verse a day, as I work to overcome this, to help me fight these temptations. I don't want to offend anyone on this site, if you're not a Christian, but I feel it would really help me personally to use scripture this way.

My verse for today, is John 8:36. "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed"
I want to experience first-hand, what it means to be free from this addiction.

[waterlily327]

Hey R, I just posted in your welcome thread because I was not aware you had already started a journal. Good idea to use scripture, use what works for you! I am not sure what branch of Christianity you practice, but my BF has a book called "Pure of Heart" (specifically targeted to Catholics in recovery, but I am sure it would apply to anyone). It uses daily meditations and scripture, as well as a way to track your progress set up in a workbook format. I would suggest it because he has found it helpful. I suggest PM-ing Rockinastorm if you have questions about "Pure of Heart", because this is basically all I know from a quick glance at his book. I am glad Day 1 was a success!

[rumblebuffin]

Day 2 was good! I slept a lot of the day since I was off work.

I want to thank everyone for their encouraging/helpful words. I'm really excited about kicking this crap out of my life!

My verse for day 2 is 1 Corinthians 7:23: "You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men."

[rumblebuffin]

Day 3 was a success!

Thanks for the tip, waterlily327. I'm not Catholic, but I may look it up. :)

My verses for day 3 are 1 Corinthians 9:25-27: "Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."

One thing I've learned from all of this already, is that self-control is HARD! Maybe it comes easier for some people than others...but for me, it gets really tough to persist against the temptations/urges, when they get strong. In the past I know I haven't had strategic methods for dealing with these temptations because if I did exert a tiny bit of persistence, the urges would just get stronger, and eventually I would cave in.

Anyway...I don't know if I'm allowed to be thankful for this struggle in my life yet or not...but I just keep thinking about the end result (I'm READY for that)!! I know it's going to be hard work, and I'll probably get frustrated, and want to give up. But if I look at this from the perspective of the above verses, and I stick with it and grow from this struggle, instead of continuing to let it pull me down...Eventually, I'll be a self-control athlete!! Maybe there should be Olympics for that!

[rumblebuffin]

Day 4

Had some minor urges today, but happy to report that I'm still clean! This is the longest I've abstained by choice in a long time. If I went for 4 days before, it was because I was super busy or away without access or just had no urges.

One thing I've learned about temptations, is that when they come, they don't feel like temptations. They seem to be just perfectly normal thoughts/urges, like "it's time to go to the bathroom" or "I'm hungry". I'm convinced that without the grace of God in my life, I would be a complete mess, as I would probably always succumb right away without realizing that I have a choice EVERY time I'm tempted.

My verses for today are James 1:12-15.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

[rumblebuffin]

Yesterday (Day 5) was a good day. I'm starting to feel like a normal person! I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but this morning I had one of the best mornings I've had in years! I read through Romans 4 (what an amazing, faith-building chapter that is), and then spent a long "quiet time" with God. The peace He's giving me is amazing! I haven't felt His presence in my life like this for a long, long time!

My verses today are Romans 4:7-8.
"Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin."

Romans 4 is all about how we can have the righteousness of God, and it's NOT through our works. Therefore, I believe the reverse of that is true as well...we don't lose that righteousness by our lack of works or by our struggles (like P/M addictions). Looking back I can see that much clearer now, but while I was indulging in my P and M addictions, my faith was almost nil. These addictions DEFINITELY affect our morale/faith/peace (the list goes on), and to say that these addictions are "normal" is a HUGE lie. God wants us to have an abundant & full-filled life...not one that's full of secrecy, regret, self-loathing, & guilt. That's how I felt almost every day, when I fed my addictions.

[waterlily327]

Hey R, I am just checking in to see how you are doing! Glad to see that things are going well for you! Thanks for your last post. It is great to see that you can reflect on your spiritual life so clearly!

[Rockinastorm]

Hi Rumblebuffin,

Nice to meet you. I am glad to hear that you are off to a great start so far. I think your use of scripture is very strong indeed. Doesn't it seem strange to you how sneaky those feelings of temptation are?

One thing I've learned about temptations, is that when they come, they don't feel like temptations. They seem to be just perfectly normal thoughts/urges, like "it's time to go to the bathroom" or "I'm hungry".

They creep up on you and try to pretend like its normal to have them there.. like it is a part of everyday living. I guess thats one of the things that has surprised me the most about this.. learning how twisted I had become because of PA. Well, guess what? You don't need those urges at all.. and by keeping a constant eye out for them like you already are, you will find yourself on a better road to success!

Good luck to you as you enter your second week. It is a tough time for many!

-Rockin

[IN NEED OF HELP]

rumblebuffin

I just wanted to stop by, and say, I am glad to see you are doing good in your recovery. you have taken a hold of it, and you are running with it.

When you do get the temptation, you recognize them for what they are, and you deal with them. and when you deal with them, you are doing it the right way. You will only start feeling better each passing day, you go without this addiction.

Keep up the good work you are doing in your recovery. I am very encouraged by the way you are handling things when they do come up

Just stay strong and you will be ok with this

Gerald

[rumblebuffin]

I'm happy to report that Day 6 was another good day! I'm learning how much of this battle is fought in the mind.

You say, that you have tried filters, but you just know how to get around them. this is true, because many have the know how, to get around them. Well there is a filter that you can use, and if you set this filter up right, then it should be just what you need to help you to have a good recovery.
Of course this filter I am talking about, is not for sell on the market, and you cant even buy it over the internet, yet it is there for you to use, if you want to use it.

With this filter, you will have the ability, to control what is allowed to filtered through it. Ok yes I did say that you can not buy this filter, so where can you get one to use?
Well to be honest, you already have it, because you was born with it.

This filter is your HEART. it is your heart, that allows you to do things or not to do them. you use your Heart already, in everyday life, to be able to make the right decisions. If there was a flame in front of you, I am sure that you would not stick your hands in it, because you know what damage this flame can do to you, if you was to stick your hand in it. And you know in your HEART, that it would not be a wise thing to put your hand in the flame.

Use your heart to help you with this addiction. I say this because, if it is not in our hearts to have this addiction out of our lives, then there is no way we will be able to overcome this problem.

If you do have a HEARTFELT DESIRE to end this addiction, then you will be able to do it, along with any other tools/weapons, that you plan to use in your recovery.

I agree with this whole-heartedly, INOH. I've believed for a long time, that (for me) a filter would never be enough to help me quit. I'm certainly not diminishing the aid of a filter, for anyone who feels they need it or want to use it, but I knew for myself that since 99% of the battle with these addictions is lustful thoughts in my mind, no filter would help that. It could temporarily slow me down from accessing P, but since in my heart I was still enjoying (and sometimes welcoming) these lustful thoughts, ultimately the end result of my thought processes was to indulge in P and M. I still tried half-heartedly several times to install a filter (trying to convince myself that I wanted to quit), but I was only lying to myself because the filter didn't last long. Ultimately I feel that as long as I continued to enjoy & welcome lustful thoughts, I might as well indulge in P and M, because to me there's no difference (which brings me to my verse for today).

Today's verses, from Matthew 5:27-28, are words of Jesus:
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

I REALLY want to thank everyone again, for their support. God bless everyone as we fight against this crap together.