Making the effort

[seenoevil]

Day 3

Back to this site in I dont know how long after a long period of laziness basically, alternate periods of either using P or abstaining, but only abstaining and not making any effort to battle or work on this disease.

So after some new inspiration and realising that this just isnt going to go away its time to get my arse in gear and start making the effort.

In the past I have been on courses, been to counselling, bought books, attended group sessions and have had the resources there for me for a long time and to be honest just havent used them, I think some of the time its almost been just a token gesture.

Time to put the time in and make the effort.

[Love in a Lifeboat]

Remember why you don't need P in your life. Imagine a life that doesn't involve being afraid of being found out? Imagine a life where you can have a healthy relationship and you aren't burdened with something that doesn't ever give back anything useful or healthy for you mind and body? No shame, no fear, no turning you into something you know you don't want to be. Hold onto to that dream and make it a reality.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Day 3


So after some new inspiration and realizing that this just isn't going to go away its time to get my arse in gear and start making the effort.

In the past I have been on courses, been to counseling, bought books, attended group sessions and have had the resources there for me for a long time and to be honest just haven't used them, I think some of the time its almost been just a token gesture.

Time to put the time in and make the effort.

So nice to see you back.

It does show that you want to get control over this addiction, only because you are back here, asking for help. You said something that is so true, and that is, that this crap just isn't going to go away.

But if you do want it to go away, then it will. but it has to be you, and it has to be in your Heart, for it to go away. you should understand by now, that this addiction we are fighting, is a losing battle, if we don't fight like hell to win this battle. so what you need to do now is, find your tools/weapons, to use against this beast. it seems to me, that in the past, you did have the weapons to fight off this beast, but maybe your weapons were filled with blanks? I dont know if they were or not, but they just wasn't working for you.

This time around, in your new battle, get out your weapons, and fill them with some very powerful ammo, so when this beast comes to you, you do have the power to blow him away from you.

If we are to beat this addiction, we need to take our recovery seriously, or we don't stand a chance to overcoming this crap. you have had a taste of freedom from this addiction, and I am sure, that you loved the way that you felt when you was clean.

You do have all of the resources you need, because you even said you bought books, so use them, and don't just let them sit there collecting dust on them. All we need to do, is just find the right way, to stay strong in our wanting to end this cycle of on and off again, when it come to our recovery.

You know what? I have been clean from this crap for 7 months now. yes I do at times, have a few struggles, but I refuse to give into them. the reason why is because, I love the taste, the beautiful taste of freedom, that I do have, because I no longer allow this addiction to control me. I NOW CONTROL IT. I am in no way saying it is easy, but I am saying, that this taste, is worth every fight we have to fight, to remain clean from this crap. so very well worth it my friend.

Look, I just want to see you here, with all of your battle gear on, and get ready for this fight, and fight with all that you have, and come out a victor in this round of the battle.

You say it is time to get your arse in gear, but I say, it is time to get your ASS in gear, and make a BIG effort in doing better in your recovery

There is no reason to not have this under control, if it is in your HEART, to do so. You can do this.

You are not alone my friend, because we are here for you in this battle. you need to lead the way, but we will be right behnd you, to help and support you the best that we can

Come and win this battle. share with us your struggles, so we can help you. good or bad, write it here, so we can read it

Good luck to you

Gerald

[seenoevil]

Gerald,

Thank you for your message, everything you say is true, especially about fighting this battle, im gathering my weapons which includes this site, a daily task list, books (actually reading them!), and maybe most importantly honesty.

Thank you again for your support.

[seenoevil]

Thank you for your message Love in a Loveboat.

Im looking forward to living the dream, its going to take a lot of work but im ready to really fight this time.

[seenoevil]

Day 4

Its been a good day, a bit stressful and that voice is still wittering away in the back of my head, but ive managed to ignore it and get on with things.

I have started putting together a daily task list which im going to stick to to keep me focused and to serve
as a reminder that this wont go away on its own:

1.Read a mantra/prayer (at the moment its 'Just for today')
2.Make an entry on this online journal
3.Read some kind of literature on recovery and addiction (either in books or online)
4.Talk about my day with my wife and how my thoughts have been (and listen to her day also)
5.Read a book I was given with daily sayings for every day of the year.

Hopefully I will come up with some more tasks, but not too many that it becomes too daunting.

I have also started thinking of some longer term plans, so far I have installed K9 for protection online.

So far so good, but need to take a day at a time and work hard every one of those days.

[seenoevil]

Day 5

Inspirational day spent with some inpirational people, feel like ive been given a lifeline which I will cling to with all my strength, strength which I can feel getting stronger all the time.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Day 5

Inspirational day spent with some inpirational people, feel like ive been given a lifeline which I will cling to with all my strength, strength which I can feel getting stronger all the time.

cling to it my friend. never lose the grip that you have with this lifeline. we have always had this lifeline, but in the past, we never grabbed a hold of it. when we have a chance of life, and I mean real life, without this crap in it, we need to grab onto anything we can, to help us get pulled out of this deep hole, we was in, and never want to go back in it.

Just stay strong, and fight like hell to become a better you, so you can be better for all who are around you in life

I will check in to see how you are doing. good luck to you my friend

Gerald

[seenoevil]

Thank you again for your support Gerald, on the whole its been another good couple of days.

[seenoevil]

Day 7

An ok day on the whole, some negative thoughts at times, its been stressful at work and Im glad to have squashed those thoughts and get on with things.

Its a constant battle in my head which hopefully will get easier as time goes on, Im winning so far!