Just Another Journal

[helpmeplz]

preface

I've been Trying Hard to quit and I've been failing, I have o say I came along way though, I feel like I've made progress, and like every little slip has led me here, has added to my experience, Hopefully I'll reach My goal, P FREE !

I think it's been about 4 months since I started Fighting and have been slipping Since, But Perhaps I've been missing something, maybe I looked at a relapse as an option or maybe I never believed I was Strong enough, I hope Writing this journal will really help me Realize where I go Wrong , cause I know I want This , I know I want Happiness..

a Question that keeps bugging me though, Will I ever know if I'm truly free, I went for forty days without slipping before, next time it might be a 100, how do I know there isn't a next time ?!
I guess it's an ongoing Struggle !

[artguy34]

HMP,

First of all, you need to identify "why" you wish to quit. When you know why, then you need to search deep down inside of yourself and find the "root cause" for your continued use of Porn. Once you identify the root cause, then you can begin an action plan for recovery. If you cannot identify any of these things, then you are just your wheels and not going anywhere.

I've been Trying Hard to quit and I've been failing, I have o say I came along way though, I feel like I've made progress, and like every little slip has led me here, has added to my experience

This is also part of your problem. You are looping failure with success. Can you really say out loud that slipping is making progress? You need to change the way you view things and convince yourself that success comes from gaining knowledge, not experience. Yes, learning from past mistakes is making progress, however if you continue to slip and relapse, are you really learning?

You know that old saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink it? Well right now you are at the water, here at TTF. Now its up to you to drink from the fountain of knowledge.

Will I ever know if I'm truly free, I went for forty days without slipping before, next time it might be a 100, how do I know there isn't a next time?! I guess it's an ongoing Struggle !

Yes you will know if you are truly free... because realistically, you will never be truly free. This addiction will always be there lurking. Even if you succeed and recover from Porn and never relapse again, the addiction will still be around. Temptation will always be there. Reminders of what we were during our addiction will always taunt us. Society will make sure they brow beat us with sexual reminders everywhere. But, it is how we face this adversity that will define us and our recovery. Do we let temptation succeed? Or do we stand tall, look temptation in the face and give it the one-fingered salute?

The choice is yours, the power is within you. Start by telling yourself that Relapse is NOT an option!

Good Luck my friend.

AG

[helpmeplz]

HMP,

First of all, you need to identify "why" you wish to quit. When you know why, then you need to search deep down inside of yourself and find the "root cause" for your continued use of Porn. Once you identify the root cause, then you can begin an action plan for recovery. If you cannot identify any of these things, then you are just your wheels and not going anywhere.



This is also part of your problem. You are looping failure with success. Can you really say out loud that slipping is making progress? You need to change the way you view things and convince yourself that success comes from gaining knowledge, not experience. Yes, learning from past mistakes is making progress, however if you continue to slip and relapse, are you really learning?

You know that old saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink it? Well right now you are at the water, here at TTF. Now its up to you to drink from the fountain of knowledge.



Yes you will know if you are truly free... because realistically, you will never be truly free. This addiction will always be there lurking. Even if you succeed and recover from Porn and never relapse again, the addiction will still be around. Temptation will always be there. Reminders of what we were during our addiction will always taunt us. Society will make sure they brow beat us with sexual reminders everywhere. But, it is how we face this adversity that will define us and our recovery. Do we let temptation succeed? Or do we stand tall, look temptation in the face and give it the one-fingered salute?

The choice is yours, the power is within you. Start by telling yourself that Relapse is NOT an option!

Good Luck my friend.

AG

Thank yous very much, I think ur Right in about every thong you said , I think that I haven't really done any of these things and That's why I;m failing, but now, with your help, and hopefully others like you, I will Gain that knowledge , and I'll reach freedom, Thanks A Lot AG !

[helpmeplz]

had a few thoughts today, but they went away as quickly as they did come, I know I'm still in kind of a fragile place, but it'll get better along the way !

but what really got me thinking is artguy34's post, he's right ! I haven't really taken the time to think about these stuff, Why do i wanna quit, and why do I even watch P.......

All I know for now is that watching p, has never made me happy, it always fills me up with guilt and self hatred , when I go with out it for a while, I feel like my entire life is better, happier ! and it feels like someone else who goes off running to P !

why do I do it? I guess it might be cause I feel lonely at times, I've never been in a real relationship before, but this is just on the surface really, I know it's an excuse, even though it has an effect on my problem, or maybe it's my desires, my libido that drives me to it... though the origin might be something else !

anyhow, I'll be embracing help, embracing the good life !

[IN NEED OF HELP]

had a few thoughts today, but they went away as quickly as they did come, I know I'm still in kind of a fragile place, but it'll get better along the way !

All I know for now is that watching p, has never made me happy, it always fills me up with guilt and self hatred , when I go with out it for a while, I feel like my entire life is better, happier ! and it feels like someone else who goes off running to P !


anyhow, I'll be embracing help, embracing the good life !

First, Congrats on two days. though it seems small, it is truly a big step in your recovery. As for the thought, I am pleased to see, that you didn't act on them. these thoughts, will come around, and come around a lot for you. so this is why, it is so important, to learn many ways, to get the thoughts out of your mind.

Right now, in the beginning, we need to make sure, that we have all the right tools for our recovery. we need a plan, that is tailored just for us, so we can beat this addiction.

Wanting this addiction out of your life for good, requires you wanting it free from your heart. if it is not in your heart, to stop this crap, then to be honest, there is no way, for you to overcome it. you said, that viewing P, never really made you feel good, because it just filled you full of guilt and self hatred. if that is the case, then you have no reason,to want this crap in your life anymore.

Our Hearts, are the motivations, to our actions. sure it is in our head to do something, but once we allow what is in our heard, to go to our Heart, it is the heart, that lets us do, or not do, certain things. so if your heart allows you, to feel bad, after using P, then the best thing to do is to LISTEN to your heart, and not do it.

I guess what I am trying to say is, that if you truly do want this out of your life, because, you know that it is not good, then just be determined in your heart, that you want to be free from it, and you can do it. this is a tough road, we are on, in quitting this addiction, but it is not as tough, as people feel it is.

What is needed?
A filter on your computer
A real good recovery plan
And a 100% determination in your HEART, that you want to stop.

I know that you can do this, and I hope you fight this crap, and once and for all, get it out of your life.

Never allow your heart, to give you a REASON/EXCUSE to give into it again

Keep coming here, and let us know how you are doing in your recovery. you are not in this alone. we are here to help you, the best that we can

Remember "An Relapse Is Not An Option"

[helpmeplz]

1st of all, I wanna thank IN NEED OF HELP for his his motivation, your kind words do mean a lot and they are very helpful, i'm taking them as a lesson to improve myself

that being said, I've relapsed, again, and i don't know why,it sort of happened when I wasn't looking, slipped through my fingers, and even though it wasn't before , I still have to reset, ans start over, and I'm ready for that, cause I'm never gonna stop fighting, it's just I'm not sure if motivated enough to actually stop, If it's really in my heart to quit, I Have to want it with all my heart and soul, and I need to come here more often, and I really don't know why don't I, but this time I wanna leave it for good, and really mean that !

Fingers Crossed, hope Will never Die !

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Edit

it posted twice

[IN NEED OF HELP]

1st of all, I wanna thank IN NEED OF HELP for his his motivation, your kind words do mean a lot and they are very helpful, i'm taking them as a lesson to improve myself

that being said, I've relapsed, again, and i don't know why,it sort of happened when I wasn't looking, slipped through my fingers, and even though it wasn't before , I still have to reset, ans start over, and I'm ready for that, cause I'm never gonna stop fighting, it's just I'm not sure if motivated enough to actually stop, If it's really in my heart to quit, I Have to want it with all my heart and soul, and I need to come here more often, and I really don't know why don't I, but this time I wanna leave it for good, and really mean that !

Fingers Crossed, hope Will never Die !

So sorry this happened. I am in a very bad place right now, but I still needed to stop bye, to tell you that you can still win this battle. you are motivated to fight this, because you came here, to tell us, what happened, and that you are not going to give up on this recovery.

And if you don't feel it is in your heart strong enough to stop this addiction, then it is time to put it in your heart. dont stop this battle. never give up. but you do need to get it under control NOW, because the longer you wait to really get yourself to stop, it will just be harder to do so

I had my world come crashing down on me this morning, and I felt screw it, and I just want to go back to being the old me, and starting feeding my addiction. but I came here, and told everyone, that I just want to give in, but when I saw all of the supporting words that I received, my heart just wouldn't let me do it.

This is the toughest battle that us addicts can have, but we need to keep going on, and continue to fight this crap. we can not let this addiction, continue to have that strong of a hold on us.

I have been clean over 6 months, and I got so low in my life this morning, that I was will to throw of it away. but with the love and support that I got from so many here, and this love of life I have, with this addiction not in it, there is just no way, I can go back to this addiction

Please fight this harder now. do whatever it takes, to get a VERY STRONG GRIP, on your recovery. you can not go another day, allowing this addiction to control you.

There is so much love and support to be given here, so use it. take advantage of all that we can give you here. It is a wonderful feeling to have this crap out of your life. when it is gone, you will see, that you can do so much more in your life, because you don't have the weight of this addiction, on your shoulders anymore.

Even though I feel so ashamed that I came here this morning, and telling everyone, that I am fighting to not give in, I am glad I did come here, because everyone just showed me, why it is good to be free from this crap.

You can do this. come here as much as you can. learn from other, what they do, when they are struggling with this addiction.

Good luck to you my friend. It is tough, BUT YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS

[Disillusioned]

Hi Helpmeplz,
I am sorry to hear of your lengthy struggle trying to stay away from p. I am very concerned for my h who has been using various types of adult entertainment media including p for at least 37 years, perhaps longer. He says he wants to stop and I believe he doesn't want to hurt me anymore, but believes he can white knuckle, go cold turkey and abstain. I would like him to be free of this forever, even if I am not here. I am reading your posts and the responses in order to help myself understand and in order to forward to him. He is out of town again.
Good luck and my sincere best wishes for a successful recovery from this. I don't know if you have a significant other, but know that if you do, you must be convinced that p is absolutely wrong for you, and not just wrong because it is hurting your partner.
disillusioned

[helpmeplz]

So sorry this happened. I am in a very bad place right now, but I still needed to stop bye, to tell you that you can still win this battle. you are motivated to fight this, because you came here, to tell us, what happened, and that you are not going to give up on this recovery.

And if you don't feel it is in your heart strong enough to stop this addiction, then it is time to put it in your heart. dont stop this battle. never give up. but you do need to get it under control NOW, because the longer you wait to really get yourself to stop, it will just be harder to do so

I had my world come crashing down on me this morning, and I felt screw it, and I just want to go back to being the old me, and starting feeding my addiction. but I came here, and told everyone, that I just want to give in, but when I saw all of the supporting words that I received, my heart just wouldn't let me do it.

This is the toughest battle that us addicts can have, but we need to keep going on, and continue to fight this crap. we can not let this addiction, continue to have that strong of a hold on us.

I have been clean over 6 months, and I got so low in my life this morning, that I was will to throw of it away. but with the love and support that I got from so many here, and this love of life I have, with this addiction not in it, there is just no way, I can go back to this addiction

Please fight this harder now. do whatever it takes, to get a VERY STRONG GRIP, on your recovery. you can not go another day, allowing this addiction to control you.

There is so much love and support to be given here, so use it. take advantage of all that we can give you here. It is a wonderful feeling to have this crap out of your life. when it is gone, you will see, that you can do so much more in your life, because you don't have the weight of this addiction, on your shoulders anymore.

Even though I feel so ashamed that I came here this morning, and telling everyone, that I am fighting to not give in, I am glad I did come here, because everyone just showed me, why it is good to be free from this crap.

You can do this. come here as much as you can. learn from other, what they do, when they are struggling with this addiction.

Good luck to you my friend. It is tough, BUT YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS

I thank you so much , In need of help, it's so amazing to actually have someone who understands what I'm going through to give all me this help,, your words are truly Inspiring to me, Thank you again