Let's get this sorted out

[exteberria]

Hey,

I am starting my recovery journal today as a way of overcoming some underlying issues I am still having. I would encourage everyone to read my first post on tff here. I am also considering seeing a counselor or therapist to discuss my original p addiction and where I am at now.

So where am I at? Well like some of the things I have mentioned in my first post, I currently have not used internet p since June last year (2010).

So what are my issues that are currently hampering my progress?
- I am still thinking about p like I use the stuff, it's incredible I may as well just be using it because I'm still thinking about it and m over it
- I also frequently think sexually about women I see in public, and I think its obvious to them as well
- I still m quite frequently(at least once a day), which is something I want to work on - I currently have a great girlfriend and I believe I'm wasting my time by putting soo much effort into thinking about p and m
- I still seem to have some issues with the internet, I sometimes still m after using the computer relating to something(non-p) I saw on the internet or on youtube (weird I know)
- when I was overseas in decemeber 10'/january 11' I watched some sexually oriented tv shows which was something I regret

Why am I doing this?
- I have obviously made some achievements but still have a lot of other things I want to get working on
- In saying that though, I believe this is about my future, I want to get married some day and I can't have all these issues relating to thinking about p and m alot
- I agree with others on this forum that m is ultimately just as destructive as p, and its pointless when your trying to build a relationship with someone that your care about

What are my goals?
- from the outset, really really lower m, with my goal to be only once a week for now
- try my hardest to push aside thoughts about p or viewing women solely in a sexual way
- maintain this journal and be honest with fellow users about my progress

What are the conditions for my goals?
- no use of any form of p
- acknowledging my triggers
- strictly no m at the computer or in relation to something off the internet

That's pretty much everything I can think of! Comment if you like!

[exteberria]

I've done alright so far. My girlfriend came over since my last post and I've been doing alright since then. I had big urges to m today and the day before but pulled through ok. I was also starting to get lost into thinking about p.
I feel like I am challenging myself to reject thinking about women that I see in public - in a sexual sense. I think I've already made some gains on that front thus far.

But there's still work to do!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hey,


So what are my issues that are currently hampering my progress?
1- I am still thinking about p like I use the stuff, it's incredible I may as well just be using it because I'm still thinking about it and m over it
2- I also frequently think sexually about women I see in public, and I think its obvious to them as well
3- I still m quite frequently(at least once a day), which is something I want to work on - I currently have a great girlfriend and I believe I'm wasting my time by putting soo much effort into thinking about p and m
4- I still seem to have some issues with the internet, I sometimes still m after using the computer relating to something(non-p) I saw on the internet or on youtube (weird I know)
- when I was overseas in decemeber 10'/january 11' I watched some sexually oriented tv shows which was something I regret!

1-Having so much of this already embedded in your head, is hard to shake at times. this is when we need to learn how to put new thoughts in our mind. we need to replace all of our old bad thoughts when some new refreshing ones. not easy at times, but it can be done.

2- OH this is a tough one to overcome, but it is so important to do so. I have been free from this addiction for close to 6 months, and I still struggle with this at times. as soon as we see a woman that catches our eyes, we need to put our attention somewhere else. if we don't, then lust comes in, and by now, we are already having those thoughts about them, and basically having S*X with them in my minds, and heart. we can not allow ourselves to just stare at them, so we can avoid the thoughts. if you stare at them to the point that they notice it, then my friend, we are staring to long. Just think how you would feel if some pervert like us, was looking at your girlfriend like this.
This is where I feel us addicts, truly disrespect the woman we see. so a big part of our recovery, is to stop looking at theses women, as nothing more than a sex abject. we need to view them as what they are, A beautiful woman, who deserves so much more respect

3- M is bad in our recovery.to M, we need to put thoughts in our mind to do so. so if we do this, then all of those images that we have stored in our mind, will never go away, because we use those images to M too. Also, M, is just the returning point to P, because they work so well together

4-Do you have an internet filter on your computer? if not, it would be good if you think about it. we need to stop any way possible, to keep us away from all of those harmful sites.
And as for YT, those it seems harmless, it has proven to be a nightmare, for so many addicts in try to stay clean. what you can see on there, can just be enough, to plant the seed, to put you on a mission, to search out the real stuff.


You have some good goals set out before you, and if you work them, and make sure that your recovery plans works for you, you will be able to free yourself from this crap. but like I said, you need to work your plans, and never slow down in them

I do wish you the best in your recovery. keep coming here, and let us know how you are doing, so we can help

[exteberria]

Thanks for your thoughts INOF. I didn't think I needed a filter since I have been sober, but I will install one anyway. I appreciate your encouragement! I plan on being on tff to work this out and help others!

[2frustrated]

Glad you're here. You are going to overcome this, and we're here to help. You are not alone. When you struggle with mb and p, imagine you have an army of TTF supporters behind you, because you do.

[exteberria]

Hey.

I've made some small achievements - mostly related to reducing m and identifying when I look at women in public sexually. However, I am still having some frustrating issues with thinking about p and m. It's really strange on monday and tuesday I had two moments when I m quite carelessly. It's frustrating for myself, because on the weekend I was under a lot of stress with University, and I kept I thinking about m - but refused to do it. I'm approaching every day as it comes, and I'm going to start writing out my goals every morning to get this out of my life. If things get any worse I will see a counselor or psychologist.

[exteberria]

G'day Guys,

Its been a while since I have posted on here. I have been under a bit of stress with University and I've just finished my exams yesterday. I've also had a bit of bad luck with stomach sickness - which has also put me under stress.

With this stress, I think my issues with mb are still relatively obvious. And something which frustrates me, is that I think this is very very unhealthy for my relationship with my gf. I think I have made some gains in attempting to control my thoughts with mb and trying to erase thinking about p. But I still have some core issues, I'm have been mb around once a day. As it is now the holidays, I have a massive oppurtunity to really address these issues. I've already made some gains in the last couple of days, but I think I can do better.

If things do get any worse, I will seek counseling.

[exteberria]

I intend on posting more in this journal.

The truth is, I have slipped up three times with m in the last two days. At the moment I'm thinking that maybe I should start writing down on a piece of paper when I have the urge to m, some things about the negative implications of m.

[exteberria]

I'm starting to come into a bit more stress, mostly relating to my current girlfriend. Quite a significant issue has come up in our relationship, and may lead to us parting ways - with friendship potentially not even being an option. It's important for me in this time to remain composed, and to avoid using m as some kind of savior or short-term solution. I've already had urges today with m, but I've managed to keep things together.

[exteberria]

I haven't posted for a while, and I'm still with my girlfriend.

Today I just went without mb, so I am going to try and go without it for as long as I can. If I don't deal with this, I will begin to be consumed by thinking about p or looking at women in a sexual way in the street. I don't want to maintain such a bad habit.