Let's get this sorted out

[exteberria]

G'day Guys,

I have some good news.

- I have just gone 7 days without mb!
I feel like a new person haa. I will continue on as well!

- I've also now completely cleared up my room that was really messy since I moved in 2 months ago.
I had to throw-out some things and offload some items to my parents. I got some cardboard furniture sent up to me, so now my room is well organised. This will allow me to be more productive in life, and waking up with a room that isn't full of clutter.

- I've been trying to be really proactive in my search for work. I have been handing out resumes and I will continue to do so. I'm sure there's a job around the corner!

[exteberria]

More good news.

I just went 14 days without mb! I think my last record was 15 days, so I think I will try and smash that! I haven't honestly felt any big urges to go back to p or looking at inappropriate content on the internet. It's been frustrating looking for a job, but I feel composed. I've been reading a lot of articles on Shelley Lubben's website, despite her flaws - there's a lot of good information about this industry.

[TYC113]

This is excellent, Exteberria. I am so glad that you have held on for so long. I am glad that you were able to hold off for so long. Lets go for 21 days. That would be awesome. Right now this is day 7 and it is pretty difficult because right now I am alone and it sucks that we have 2 computers in our house. I can't block one because that would cause a family war and would cause a fight to start. So the temptation is there to get on secretly and look. I am fighting hard against it, though. I am glad for it all, though.

I read a lot of articles on ThePinkCross site of Shelley Lubben as well and a lot of the stuff is pretty shocking. The YourBrainonPorn site is also very helpful too. Glad for that too.

[Disillusioned]

So glad things are moving positively, and believe me, you can keep it this way. It's something that is done one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes. Get that far, and move the goal post to the next hour, and the next day if you can. It's a test, and you have what you need to pass it. Keep looking for that higher road, Ex. I'm thinking of you all the way across the world and down under....

[exteberria]

Thanks TYC and Disillusioned. It's been a good feeling. I think I will try to continue this on, because its a very healthy thing to be doing - and also given the fact that I have had relapses in the last two months.

I've just had a look through the YourBrainOnPorn site, and went to their youtube channel and downloaded all of their videos. I am watching them now. The videos really seem to go in-depth of the disastrous nature of p and mb addiction.

[exteberria]

More good news. Now 21 Days without mb!!!!!!

I feel amazing! I feel completely detoxified! This is such a great thing for me, I have broken my previous record and I will continue. Like a lot of people have mentioned on this forum mb usually becomes highly entwined with p, and I definitely think I had that problem. It's interesting I met an attractive girl the other day and I think it could be worth a try, but to be honest I'm not going to pursue it because I'm not really interested in a relationship at the moment. I think going without mb has allowed me to become more human and be able to make such decisions! I also know deep down that I don't want to go down the path of being promiscuous.

An issue I have had of recent time is anger. I find myself getting really angry about some of the things that happened when I was dating my previous gf. I also find myself thinking about things from even high school which I just can't seem to move on from. I think this is some sort of indication that I am getting stuck living in the past. I might need to speak to someone about this, because previously my frustration and anger would lead to my use of p or mb.

Something I would also want to mention is the topic of perversion or being a pervert. I think there's been times in my life when I have come across people that could be described as perverted - and something I've realised very quickly is that I hate it. I am sure there's been times when others have thought of as me as being a pervert. All I can say is NO I don't want to be a pervert, NO I don't want to be one of them.
My view of how I treated women drastically changed when I started dating a girl a couple of years for a couple of months. This girl turned out to have a really toxic personality and in my eyes she saw everything in this world as objects. I felt like she treated me like I was just her object. This makes me think a lot about what p is, and a lot about the way I used to act with women, or what p did to my relationships or how I viewed things in life.
When you start to view women as objects you lose everything in your mind. A couple of days ago I was sitting with a female friend in the park and there were two guys that walked passed us numerous times and I was extremely frustrated with the way these two guys were looking at my friend. I could have felt like jumping on one of them, but I guess in my head I just thought - 'they must be p users'. I write about this because like I have mentioned on previous posts I don't want to be a father and still have an obsession with p, or with looking at women as sexual objects. I firmly want this stuff out of my life and I do not want to be a pervert that views every unique individual as being some sort of object. Those guys also made me think of the way I probably used to be around women - and obviously about some of these issues I still have today - in relation to looking at women as objects in the streets.

But for now, thanks TFF!

[exteberria]

Hey guys,

I slipped up with mb yesterday. I made it all the way to the 31st of January, so my new record without mb is 24 days!
I'm feeling pretty good. I just have to work on this anger I have been developing.. Being sick with the flu recently and now sick in the stomach hasn't made things any easier, so I haven't been actively exercising much in the last fortnight.

[exteberria]

I have to be honest, and guys I relapsed yesterday. This is very disappointing.

I went down the path of looking at some sites that I knew would trigger me and then I was using google images and dailymotion. I think this means that I need to go and see a psychologist because I think there are some other issues at play here. I did so well for 24 days to be without mb and almost felt detoxified and now I have just made things so much more difficult for myself. But like I said there are some other things really playing on my mind at the moment that contributed to the relapse yesterday - things that I probably can't even talk about on this site.

For the time that I have had problems with this, I have never sought professional help, but now I think it is time for me to do just that.

[fightingdefeat]

Hey man! I am so sorry to hear about your recent struggles.

Remember though that it will probably take longer than even 24 days to "detoxify" in all honesty. I have read things that this retraining and rebooting of our minds can take as long as 60-90 days and we of course will even deal with life-long temptations. I don't say this to be discouraging -- and I hope it doesn't sound that way -- but don't beat yourself up too much either! It is tough, but we have to keep picking ourselves up and going at this no matter what. No matter how hard it may be.

I have never personally sough professional help, but I know it can be super helpful and would definitely encourage you to seek it if you feel you need it/would benefit from it.

A visual/picture I just thought of/imagined was this:

Sometimes we are staring into a dark corridor. Specifically in the visual I imagined was a guy standing there looking down this dark corridor / cave / labyrinth. Dark place. There is no light. There is no hope of finding your way through the dark chasm and blackness that surrounds. The deep nothingness is almost suffocating. What he failed to see though was that he could turn around and directly behind him, maybe a far ways off, was a doorway where light was seeping in. Maybe a bit faint, maybe a bit obscured, but it was there, and always would be. All that he had to do was to recognize that there was nothing preventing him from turning around, seeing that light, and progressively move towards it. And in seeing that light, he knows deep within himself that there is hope.

That's what we have to remember. No matter how dark and frustrating this can be come -- and it is tough -- there is light out there. We have to grab it. We have to turn around and see it. We have to remember that it exists.

Stay encouraged and hopeful man!

[exteberria]

Thanks for your post FD. I didn't actually seek professional help, but nonetheless I have pretty good news. I've been off using these websites since that last post. And I feel pretty in control of mb, but I'd still like to go without it.
I think a big thing for me has been - being busy and being occupied with my time. I haven't been just sitting around my room for endless hours of time. I still only have a casual job, so I have been actively volunteering at some different organisations which has been an amazing thing for me.

Generally I think I've been doing well, I think I am starting to let go of some of my former primitive habits of looking at women in public. I have been hanging out with that girl I mentioned I met earlier. It's been really cool just being friends with her, I'm starting to better understand women haa. She told me about how one guy won't stop calling her, even though she hasn't replied to him in over three weeks. This sort of makes me think about where I could be if I become p-obsessed or want to take the promiscuous route of life.

I'm Catholic, and recently I've been trying to get back into Church. I don't know anyone that goes to church where I live, so that's usually been my lame excuse to stay at home on Sunday mornings. I've only been going to Church when I've gone to visit my family in another city. I'd like to be able to make some friends that already go.