mforward's journal

[mforward]

The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. - Thomas Pain

It's been two days now p-free. I am doing my best to put my energy into productive things. Lots of great content on this site.

[Rockinastorm]

Hey I haven't met you yet.
It's great to see another young face on this site. Maybe there IS hope for our generation! I myself am 22. I am very impressed by the knowledge you displayed in your intro. I am glad you are taking such an active stance here and now. So, Welcome to the boards (again) and keep it up with all the posting you have been doing. There is SO much here!!
But dont get so caught up in reading that you forget to keep journaling about yourself!
Take care and be strong!

- Rock

[mforward]

The road to recovery is always interesting...

I've been sober for the last five days. I had a short relapse, and really realized the importance of not feeling helpless. Helplessness is what leads all addicts to give into the cravings. The most important mantra for me is I am, I will, and I can.

It's so weird. I'm beginning to feel more and more human. I'm feeling more calm than I have in years. I can look people straight in the eye. It's weird, because I never realized how much all the p viewing affected my outlook on life, and interactions with people. I suppose, like all addicts, you rationalize everything. For a long time, I've been sufficient with the explanation I have an anxiety disorder. Or, more precisely, social anxiety. My real question is, who wouldn't have social anxiety after spending hours consuming garbage everyday. Spending hours warping your mind to perceive the world and people as mere objects. Watching standards of masculinity you'll never attain to (since they aren't even real to begin with) and airbrushed women that don't exist outside of the photoshop editting.

It's funny. I had a conversation with a cousin on the discussion of p. I mentioned it briefly three months ago, just that it was something that was bothering me and I realized I had a problem with it. I asked him if he had a problem; he quickly replied "No, I never have had a problem with it. I'm sorry you do".

Just the other week, I brought up the discussion again. He blatantly told me he spends two hours a day, and laughed saying he doesn't feel guilty nor does he think that affects him. The deception is far reaching, and it scares me how many people have been sucked in and are still blind to its affects on the personality, and ultimately, each person's humanity and soul. I don't give this as an example to say I'm better, because I was blind for a very long time. I believed the same lies. I just am frightened because I see the next generation, who have so much more access to the internet, and porn. Highspeed access, on their laptops, on their cellphones, and everywhere else. It's become so much easier to get hooked and keep the secret.

Keeping the faith,
and moving forward,
sober.

mforward.

[HopefulsRock]

Mforward... hello and welcome to TTF. I also would like to congratulate you on your recent clarity on life and how well of a grasp you have already on how damaging this addiction can be on a person! I'm 52 and have been clean and sober from this since March 22, 2010 and intend to stay that way for the rest of my life and I really commend you for getting it at your young age!It's never good to see how many people this affects but we are certainly glad to have another positive influence join us in this journey!

[mforward]

Mforward... hello and welcome to TTF. I also would like to congratulate you on your recent clarity on life and how well of a grasp you have already on how damaging this addiction can be on a person! I'm 52 and have been clean and sober from this since March 22, 2010 and intend to stay that way for the rest of my life and I really commend you for getting it at your young age!It's never good to see how many people this affects but we are certainly glad to have another positive influence join us in this journey!

Hi HopefulsRock,

Thanks for your post. I was wondering, what is the biggest change you've seen in a year of sobriety? Do you feel different? More focused? Do you still regularly get cravings?

mforward.

[mforward]

I'm beginning day 5. This is my first post after several relapses. In the time since, I've been able to read many more good books on overcoming this addiction. The main key is avoiding what normally leads to relapse. It's not through just avoiding it is it conquered, it's through changing your thoughts and activities...many of which lead back to an ineffective coping mechanism and addiction of p.

[mforward]

It's funny because in the beginning I never saw mb as the problem. But, unfortunately, it is apart of the problem with p. I've just recently finished reading "The Brain That Changes Itself". Fascinating read, but talks about the power of internet p in reshaping the brain, and the old time neuroscience rule "neurons that fire together wire together". p and mb are wired together in the brain, and it has led to relapse. I'm now strong at two days free from both, and two days without smoking.

Onward. :)

[IN NEED OF HELP]

It's funny because in the beginning I never saw mb as the problem. But, unfortunately, it is apart of the problem with p.
p and mb are wired together in the brain, and it has led to relapse. I'm now strong at two days free from both, and two days without smoking.

Onward. :)

To be honest, we never felt anything that we was doing was wrong. it was never a problem to us. but now that we seen the lite, and the truth about this addiction, we see that our understanding in what we was doing in our lives,was wrong, so wrong for us to do.

Two days my friend, is good, and it will only get better for you, if you work your recovery plans that you sat out for yourself.

I am so happy that you are here to fight this addiction my friend. seeing you fight it, make me stronger in my battle against this sick addiction. I am so proud to have you as a family member here at TTF

I will also give you a pat on the back for two days of no smoking, I wish I could go 2 hours without smoking. I want to stop so bad, but I just find myself smoking more and more now.

Keep strong, and stay on guard. you will do just fine

Gerald