ShockM's Written Journey

[shockm35]

Yep. I am back. Was doing pretty well there for a while... stopped counting the days.... then a relapse.... and some off and on time.... lately though, I have had to many "Day One's" (if you know what I mean...)

I mean how can the first day of the rest of you life continue to be the first day if you keep going back to old habits?

I do not blame the [P]… I do not blame the disease (if thats what addiction really is). I lay the blame solely at my feet. I look at myself in the mirror and I see disappointment. failure.

I can choose to let the poor self image send me deeper into addiction… or I can chose to change it. Change will cost me nothing. To the contrary, I have EVERYTHING to gain.

So I am back again looking forward to the support of others in this struggle.

Until then...

[stillandagain]

sounds like being "back" is a good thing!

I am fairly new and have found this to be such a helpful forum for me.

welcome, back!

[HopefulsRock]

ShockM, I'm certainly sorry to here about your relapse but I'm glad you turned back to TTF. IMO addiction is not a disease but more of a bunch of pour choices culminating to a point that it starts to take over your life... sounds like one of those pour choices was to think that P is not a problem? I see You've been a member for quite a while so I'm sure you have some good experiences to share and like I said I'm glad your here with us at TTF... thanks!

[shockm35]

stillandagain... thanks for reading. Being back is definitely a good thing. Things were going along, and you just are not totally aware of the habits you fall back into. Today, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought... That it has been a while since I have admitted to myself I am STILL an addict. (Probably always will be)... but admitting it is not admitting defeat. Doing nothing about it is. So, the journey continues....

[shockm35]

Hopefuls Rock - Thanks for the warm welcome. It feels good to come back and work my problem. Advice and support is always welcome.

[shockm35]

Laborare est orare. -- "To work is to pray."

Work keeps me busy..... and outta trouble. It's amazing how much trouble you can stay out of when you don't have the time to get into it. Hobbies and things like that really helped me many times with this struggle.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Laborare est orare. -- "To work is to pray."

Work keeps me busy..... and outta trouble. It's amazing how much trouble you can stay out of when you don't have the time to get into it. Hobbies and things like that really helped me many times with this struggle.

Only if we were to have known this a long time ago, we wouldn't be in the mess that we are.

I am glad that you are back to get your feet firmly back on the ground. Just fight this crap with a lot of determination, and you will do just fine

I will check back with you to see how you are doing

[shockm35]

If I may quote the 20th century philosopher Ice Cube....

"Today was a good day."

[shockm35]

Still clean....

I wonder what the general consensus is on rewards? I have never been one to set goals and say I am gonna try and quit [P] for X number of days or something like that.... but I was shopping this past weekend for some cycling gear and while it was nothing expensive, I stopped and thought about how it was more of a want then a need and I should hold off.

Then I thought... well maybe if I stay clean for X days I will buy this for myself. Is that wrong? It's kind like setting a goal for myself, right? Does anyone else do this? Any positives or negatives to this line of thought?

[stillandagain]

there's actually another thread about this today!

personally, I say, reward yourself. this is hard work!