Alectron's Journal

[Alectron]

I am having a hard time dealing with porn addiction. Most of my problems with addiction is that it has been in my life for a long time but I never saw it as an addiction until recently. The thing that changed my perspective on porn is that my wife is considering kicking me out of our place, getting a divorce, and limiting my ability to see our two, soon to be three, kids. This is really difficult to talk about with my wife or even deal with. I have been addicted to porn and masturbation for over a decade. Started in my young teens, and has been there ever since. I know my triggers and signs. The hardest part about a lot of this so far is dealing with my wife on this matter. I get defensive very easily, and have all of my life, she can ask one question and the wall goes right up. She says I think that I signed up for this site and all trust should be restored, I say she expects instant results. Every day there is an argument about something. Between wife, work, and kids, I have triggers almost everyday. I have been good for one week so far. The withdrawal is difficult sometimes and daily life is taxing. I have so many possible issues that may have made me the way I am. Being forced to deal with it is something I am hating. My wife doesn't know if she wants to stick around while I attempt to get better. The joy of being an addict...of any kind.

[CJnOhio]

Many have sat in the same seat you sit in now. Many have lost jobs, relationships....some even worse. Don't despair. You are at the right place to kick this addiction. We are all here to help, offer support, and guide you through this. First things first....

1. Delete all the porn off your computer, smartphone, destroy any dvd's etc. Purge it all....everything.

2. Install a "filter" on your computer, then give the password to someone you trust, or to an accountability partner (you can get an accountability partner here if you need to). Make the password something you WONT remember. Put a filter on your smartphone, iphone...whatever as well. And don't forget your work computer either.

3. Read the journals and articles on this site. You have to educate yourself on what this addiction really is.

4. Develop a plan, ask others for input....

You can kick this habit. It is very possible. You have to do it differently then you've tried before. You have a whole new, wonderful, rewarding life ahead of you if you get this out of your life. Your family is depending on you....and you'll get all the support you need from the rest of us.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Alectron
Welcome to TTF

I am sorry that you are going through this, but I am glad that you are here to get help
What is going on in your life right now, is the same with me. I have been free of this for close to 4 months now, but though I feel so much better about the way I feel, I still see the pain and disgust in my SO.

Right now your wife is going through very hard times because of this crap you was going. It is not a easy thing to just say, Hey get help, and we will work through this together. That is something that rarely happens. right now she is going through such a roller coaster ride in her life, that she dosent know if it will be best to stay, or tell you to get the hell out. It is hard, but to be honest, she didn't cause any of this drama. I do hope that your wife sticks this out with you. like I said, I am almost 4 months clean, and though I still live in the same house with my SO, I am sleeping in the spare room.

As CJ said, you can beat this crap. you can have a life that does not allow porn to be part of it. But it is going to take work, hard work on your part you are on a road to recovery, but by no means never think this road is smooth. It is long, bumpy, and filled with so many potholes that you are going to hit while you are traveling on this road.. With that said, depending on how hard you work your recovery, this road does get smoother for you down the way.

CJ already gave you 4 main points that you really need to look at. these points that he brought to your attention, are 4 key points to get you through this recovery.

Since CJ already told you what I would have said, I will say this to you.
Fight this addiction. and fight it hard. you can over power this beast, and not allow him to trick you in to giving in to him.
Change what ever you need to change in your life to beat this addiction. never fool yourself at any time, thinking that you have it beat, and that you are cured. this addiction is always just a step away from you, waiting for a time, the right time, to jump all over you, and get you to give in. you will never be cured, but you can spend the rest of your life, and not have porn in it.

Now I am going to say this, then I will end this book I am writing.
If you are only doing this, and the only reason for doing this, is to make your wife happy, and maybe she will be quite about it, then any recovery that you try to work on, WILL NOT WORK FOR YOU AT ALL.
If you are not doing this for YOU, and you are not doing this to make you a better man for your family, IT WILL NOT WORK AT ALL FOR YOU.
It will only work for you, if it is in your HEART, that you want to end this addiction

I encourage you to look at the journals of the SO'S, Wifes, that are here at this site. Read how they are dealing with this, and the pain that they are going through. this will give you a better understanding, in what your wife is feeling at this point in her life

I wish you the best in your recovery. Good luck to you

[Alectron]

Well the porn is gone, it was gone before I even made an account for this site. I knew that was going to be a must. I have a filter on my lap top now set up by my wife so I have no idea about any of it. It is kind of a pain though because of how much I am limited to things that aren't even related to porn in any manner. Guess that comes with the territory. Now I just need to work on reading journals and finding a plan that will work for me. Thanks for the input so far everyone.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Well the porn is gone, it was gone before I even made an account for this site. I knew that was going to be a must. I have a filter on my lap top now set up by my wife so I have no idea about any of it. It is kind of a pain though because of how much I am limited to things that aren't even related to porn in any manner. Guess that comes with the territory. Now I just need to work on reading journals and finding a plan that will work for me. Thanks for the input so far everyone.

This my friend, is a very good start. I know that a filter can be a pain at times, but in all honesty, how much pain would it be, if you didn't have the filter, and you gave into Porn.

The thing is that, you are so early in your recovery, and all the steps need to be taken, to make sure that you dont get to anything dangerous.
Yes now find a plan that works for you.
You are not here alone, we will help you the best that we can to keep you on a good journey

I wish you the best my friend

[Alectron]

So I have come up with a plan finally.

1. Meditate for at least 10 minutes when I get up.

2. Read one book a day to my oldest daughter.

3. Spend at least 30 minutes a night learning yoga to work out and relax. This will combined with cardio and strength training on alternate days.

4. Attempt to find something to recite or do when a trigger is active.

[outofhiding]

Hey Alectron,

I know it's still early in your journey, and sometimes it feels tough to feel like you've accomplished anything until later on, but trust me, just waking up and realizing there's a problem is such a huge step. I know so many other men who are just using and using and using and are totally blind to the potential problems it's causing in their thoughts and lives.

If you'd like to understand your spouse's feelings a little more, there are a few specific lessons that I can think of over at RecoveryNation where they really explain how your spouse is feeling using metaphors, so you really get the full picture. I'd recommend you check some of those out.

I'll keep checking in on your journal every now and then, good luck with your battle against PA! If you have the right motivations, anything is possible.

-OutOfHiding

[Jon Doe 109]

Alectron, thanks for sharing. FWIW I've found exercise helpful when I feel an urge - I mean right than and there - drop and do 20 push ups or or jump squats or burpees or whatever you can manage or get away with inside... Overall, I like your plan - it looks good...
Best,
Jon

[Alectron]

Well so far the plan isn't going exactly as planned. I have not yet meditated when I woke up, but I am finding waking up to be easier. I have done some reading with my daughter but not every day. I have started yoga and out of five days I have done it for four. And I haven't found a trigger chant yet. However I have been feeling better. I haven't had any urges recently or felt the need to go look. I feel as though the yoga is helping and giving me something positive to focus on. My wife didn't like my plan completely, she had some things she wanted me to add which are understandable and need to work on as well. So now my plan has changed to the following.

1. Spend at least 30 minutes a night doing Yoga.

2. Read a book to both of my daughters to spend time with both of them at once.

3. Tell my wife what is going on with me.

I haven't told her that I am feeling better and communicating with her like I should. I think she might appreciate it if I told her that I have not had any urges.

[Zachary]

Sounds like you're on the right track. The first step is to get that plan in place. Then you roll with it. Abstain. The cravings will lessen. Learn more. Read the articles here. Find out just how insidious the P industry actually is, what it does to its' users, the loved ones of its' users and its' 'employees'. Those facts will turn your stomach, make you never want to relapse. When the cravings are gone, you can start looking deeper. Ask yourself the tough questions and don't hold back when answering them. 'Why did I get addicted? What led me to believe this was alright? Where did I get the idea I could treat other people this way? When you find out these root causes you find out from where your addiction stemmed. And when you find that, you cut it off at the rotten root. All things in time. Take one step, then another. You can do it.