WhiteWolf's Trail to Purity

[WhiteWolf]

Hello all...today is day 2 on my trail to purity. I define purity as being free of acting out with porn and masturbating. Viewing of porn by itself; masturbating by itself and viewing porn while masturbating to it. This is my challenge in life to gain the self mastery over my flesh -- I know that the desires and urges will always be there but I also know that I have the capability to not ALWAYS give into those desires/urges.

My thoughts are good today, of course being Day 2, I rarely have any problems until around the first week -- when my "beast" realizes that it is not being fed. So for now I will enjoy the freedom from it and prepare my battle plans, reinforce my defenses and refortify my spirit!

There is Power in Purity -- and I want that power!

[Phil413]

Hello all...today is day 2 on my trail to purity. I define purity as being free of acting out with porn and masturbating. Viewing of porn by itself; masturbating by itself and viewing porn while masturbating to it.

Excellent definition. That's my definition, too. I'm really glad you've joined us here to work out your commitment to purity!

My thoughts are good today, of course being Day 2, I rarely have any problems until around the first week -- when my "beast" realizes that it is not being fed.

That was my cycle, too. Five or so days of effortless freedom, followed by the inevitable crash on day 7 or so.

So for now I will enjoy the freedom from it and prepare my battle plans, reinforce my defenses and refortify my spirit!

Excellent! It sure is important to have a strategy in place to get you over the tough times, especially at first. I invite you to take a look at my journal (linked in my signature) where I spell out the strategy that's worked for me so far (three-and-a-half months and going strong!). Since it sounds like we had the same cycle, the strategies I've used might also work for you.

Wishing you the best!

Phil

[IN NEED OF HELP]

My thoughts are good today, of course being Day 2, I rarely have any problems until around the first week -- when my "beast" realizes that it is not being fed. So for now I will enjoy the freedom from it and prepare my battle plans, reinforce my defenses and refortify my spirit!

There is Power in Purity -- and I want that power!

I love your attitude in this. you know when you seem to have problems with this addiction. the thing is, that you know this may happen, and you are preparing for it. this is all we can do in this recovery.

Each day that we fight this addiction, is a greater chance of being free from it. And nothing my friend, feels better that being clean. 2 days clean is way better than the many days we had in acting out.

It is encouraging to see that you are determined to fight this beast from your life. We are here for you, and you will never be alone in you battle,

I wish you the best in your recovery

[WhiteWolf]

Ok -- a little embarassment here - I can't believe it's been a year since I started this and then didn't write any more. A lot has happened in this year with my healing from porn/mb addiction - so much so that I will just start right now rather than try and get all caught up.

Today I am at 83 days -- I have an actual goal of 90 days for myself and 100 days on this website and this is the longest I have ever gone without masturbating. Because my wife and I are currently in recovery together with LifeStar the option for sex has been off the table for quite some time -- so this truly is a test of my desires to be pure and control my appetites and passions. It is going well, much better than I imagined - still hard at times, but I have some great brothers now in my recovery that we help each other out during those trying times -- I have always tried to be my own hero and do it all on my own -- not gonna happen! Since I have allowed people in and am healing with others together -- well -- I am at day 83 now, so that says something. I really no longer have desires to mb -- I still crave to view some porn but the craving is just there and is nothing that I allow myself to think about and so don't give in -- it's just really wonderful being in control. I do acknowledge the thoughts, for example: "yes, I do want to masturbate and view porn -- my urges are great right now and I'd love to release -- however, I am committed to Savior, myself, my wife and my brothers in recovery that I will not give in and remain pure" -- then I just go on with my life. It's a great today and I love it!!

[Broken]

Excellent news, well done!

Oh and don't leave it so long til your next visit!

[Dylan]

At least your back, right? Awesome job on 83 days! Having the support of the community here and the people around me and not trying to tackle this on my own is what finally broke through to me. Glad to hear you're doing the same.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

WhiteWolf

Welcome back to the forums. Do not be embarrassed in any way. The main thing is that you are back, seeking help once again. 83 days is good to hear, it really is. So just do what you can to make it 84, then 85 days. It is not that hard to do, because we only need to do it one day at a time.

You said you always tried to be a hero, and do this on your own. I think we all tried to do this on our own, but we soon found out, that there is just no way for us to fight this addiction alone, it is way to powerful. So just by you letting people in, and having them help you through this, your recovery will be so much better.

I encourage you to come here as much as you can now. The one thing that you will see real fast by coming here often, is that, the road goes so much smoother for us, when we are here, getting the much needed support from addicts, who have gone through the same things as you have/are

I wish you the best in your new recovery. God bless you my friend

Gerald

[WhiteWolf]

Today is going great -- had a really great group meeting last night with the guys -- just incredible the difference when you have actual connection with other guys going through the same things you are - yeah we are all different in ways, but the porn/mb is the same and the addiction is the same -- I love those guys so much and I've never had people that I could totally rely on in emergency situations - these guys know my story, they know me and I have never opened up to anyone (besides my wife and bishop) before - so it is just dumb really how I ever thought that I could do this on my own -- life in general is not meant to be done alone -- and having addictions, recovery is especially not to be done alone.

My bodybuilding is going well again too - this week was the start of my build up again -- and my body is screaming in pain with the heavy weight routines -- just sore as all get out -- but it's only the first week that I feel like this so I can handle it - it's not pain, just soreness. I am still learning things in my therapy as to being able to not sexualize feelings around males but just to love them and be friends with them -- it's actually not as hard as I thought - yeah, attraction is still there at times -- but it now my reaction that has changed and that makes all the difference --

Thanks for everything everyone - power in numbers and power in purity!!
Mitch

[jjoh]

Hey WhiteWolf, it is great to read about your recovery. It must be 84 days now? That is truly impressive! I don't know your story more than what you have written your journal, but I understand that you have some issues with difficult thoughts and sxuality. Hope you find good ways of handling those challenges, and that you get the life you truly want.

[WhiteWolf]

I actually have a goal of 90 days that was set beforeI started the 100 day challenge in this website. My 90 day happens on this Thursday! (and of course 100, 10 days after that) -- when I originally set that 90 days I honestly said, "ok, sure why not, I've tried it before but what the heck" - in other words I did not think one bit it would really happen. Of course I have never been in recovery before, I have never been totally open before, I have never had other friends in the same situation that we can talk to before, I have never had a therapist to talk with before, and most importantly to me is that I have never admitted my total and complete inability to overcome this without my Savior helping me. So, yeah, now I can honestly see way beyond the 90 days and soon to be 100 days -- I can actually see the "years" now, not just the days.

I hope you are all doing great too -- I appreciate the earlier comments from you jjoh! THANKS! It's a fun adventure this addiction thing isn't it -- right now, despite the pain at times of wanting and not giving in - there is more joy than ever before coming to me -- more joy than any "giving in" could possibly fill me with -- the pleasures of the body are nothing to the pleasure of the spirit as it is touched by His spirit! Love you all!