Corianton's journal

[Corianton]

I am sober since February 23rd, 2011. o:-)

Here are few quotes I found on the Internet:

''Love comes with open hands and open heart; lust comes with only an open appetite.'' Porn really is a selfish activity.

''More than one man has been saved from sin or stupidity by remembering the face of his mother, his wife, or his child waiting somewhere for him at home.''

March 2011 will be a month free of porn!


Corianton

[2frustrated]

We're with you all the way!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

I am glad you started your journal my friend. by doing so, we can see the areas that we can try to help you in. I copied this from your introduction post, you said:
Confession - 02-23-2011, 05:37 PM
When I joined this site I promised to be honest. Here is my confession: I have fallen once more.

I think I didn't DESIRE it enough...This time, I have a ''burning" desire. The 23rd of February will be a day to remember for me. It will be the anniversary of my freedom of porn.

I will start a journal and will share my progress with you guys along the way. Sharing is key in my rehab.

I may have lost another battle, but the war is not over yet.

I am going to ask you something, and you dont need to answer it, but you need to thank about it.

Since the 23rd, what have you done, to assure yourself that you can beat this?
Have you found yourself a good recovery plan, to fight this beast with?
Do you have the burning desire in your HEART, to overcome this addiction? And a strong enough desire to fight a fight that will prove to be the hardest?
Have you took a real good look at yourself, to learn what your triggers are, to make you weak enough to give in to porn?

I just asked these, because, this beast that you are fighting, is not a
rookie fighter. He is very seasoned in his battles. He dosent back off, just because you stand up to him. S please do what you need to do NOW, to find a good recovery plan, and fight this beast

There is one thing that I would love to see,
you said:
March 2011 will be a month free of porn!

Make this happen my friend, Make it happen

[Corianton]

Indeed this beast is not a rookie fighter. He can deliver some very vicious hits.

Like you said, a plan is vital to conquer this beast. Like they say: ''Failing to plan = Planning to fail''.

This time I have one more motivation. There is a girl that really interests me. I have never fallen in love with a girl yet. However, this time, the feelings I have for this girl are the closest to love I ever had.

It is really important for me to be able to conquer my addiction before getting serious with that girl. I don't want her to know that ugly side of me. Furthermore, I know that if I can overcome my addiction, my capacity to love her will increase. This is a big motivator for me.

A good way to avoid doing something, is to understand the negative impact it can have on yourself. Here a few negative impact of watching porn:

• Decreased sensitivity toward women and girls
• Decreased sensitivity and increased tolerance of sexually graphic material
• Increased risk of being exposed to incorrect information about human sexuality
• Increased risk of developing unhealthy views about sexuality
• Increased risk of believing rape is not a serious crime
• Increased risk of becoming aggressive or violent in sexual practices
• Increased risk of becoming sexually abusive toward others
• Increased risk of experiencing difficulties in intimate relationships
• Increased risk of getting involved in sexual behavior that is risky, unhealthy, or illegal
• Decreased desire to eventually marry
• Decreased trust in your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse
• Increased risk of becoming sexually dissatisfied with your spouse
• Increased risk of cheating on your spouse
• Increased risk of separation or divorce
• Feeling of guilt, inadequency, shame.

Those are all good reasons to conquer the beast!

Corianton

[Corianton]

X_XI have fallen today. I felt very lonely and couldn't make up my mind on a decision I need to take which resulted in a lot of frustration.

I was able to stay sober for 1 month which is a progress...

My new goal is to stay sober from the 28th of March 2011 until the 3rd of July 2011. This is about 3 months. I know I can do it. Pray for me guys...

[IN NEED OF HELP]

X_XI have fallen today. I felt very lonely and couldn't make up my mind on a decision I need to take which resulted in a lot of frustration.

I was able to stay sober for 1 month which is a progress...

My new goal is to stay sober from the 28th of March 2011 until the 3rd of July 2011. This is about 3 months. I know I can do it. Pray for me guys...

We will pray for you. sorry you fell today. now is the best time to take a look at what you was doing at the time, and try to find a way, to not give in when you get frustrated. change your thoughts when this happens. walk away from the computer. just do what you need to do, to get the stress out of your mind.

It is very important, that you have a good recovery plan that will work for you. if you have any holes in it, this addiction will find a way to get through, and once this happens, he will get you to to look and the bad things.
Keep coming back more, so you can keep your mind on the good stuff.
We all want to see you do good in your recovery

Good luck to you my friend

[markneedssupport]

Failing is hard, however, it isn't the end. You may have messed up this time, but that doesn't mean it is the end. One month is really good! You must have been working really hard. I like how you didn't allow yourself to relapse long. Setting a new goal right away is a great idea. You are in my prayers. We can get through this!

[Corianton]

There are many "athletic goals" that I always wanted to achieve. I am in a period of my life where everything is currently in place for me to achieve those goals, except 1 thing, I have a few minor injuries that won't go away. They have been there for several months now... I went to see many specialists and nothing seems to work. My last ressource is my Father in heaven.

For this reaons, today the 8th of May 2011, I have made a covenant with God. I promise to NEVER look at porn again if he will give the health necessary to achieve my fitness goals. If I don't do my part, I will accept that God don't do his either.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Corianton,

So are you saying that if you don't get the health improvements you want from God, then you have permission to look at P? I am not sure if this sort of ultimatum is helpful. Just my thought.

[edjames71]

Corianton,

I pray to God every morning for the strength to make to through the day without P and in the evening before bed thanking him for yet another day free of P. There are other things in there but that is between him and me. :)

I'm not sure God is the if you do this for me I'll do that for you. I could be wrong. Pray for both....your health and to stop looking at P.

Just a thought.