I'd like to be better (Frodo's Journal PA)

[Frodo]

Hello, my name is Mateusz and I am a pornography addict.

I have been coping with it for a year (since December 2009).

Today I had a relapse.
I am very tired now but I want to start the journal today.

Thanks for Steelerfan27 for an idea of the title of that journal.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Frodo
Welcome to TTF
I would love to say more, but I am out the door to go pick up my daughter from school. I will post more in a bit.
But just know that we are here for you, to help you with your recovery.. I f you have it deep in your Heart, that you no longer want Porn in your life, then it will be so much easier to overcome it.

I will come back and say more, but I at least wanted to come here and welcome you to our family

[Phil413]

Hello, my name is Mateusz and I am a pornography addict.

I have been coping with it for a year (since December 2009).

Today I had a relapse.
I am very tired now but I want to start the journal today.

Thanks for Steelerfan27 for an idea of the title of that journal.

I'm glad you're here, Frodo. This will mark the beginning of the end of this awful addiction!

Phil

[Frodo]

Thank You all!!!

[Frodo]

Frodo
But just know that we are here for you, to help you with your recovery.. I f you have it deep in your Heart, that you no longer want Porn in your life, then it will be so much easier to overcome it.

The most difficult task for me now is to convince myself that P is no good for me. I will have to do it.

[Frodo]

Hello. I haven't been here for several days. I tried to forget about my addiction, and almost succeeded, so I didn't write. I was having doubts about effectiveness of support groups, but now I am convinced.

Staying sober was not a big problem for me. I was very, very lucky to have a real support from my friend. I was able to disclose to Her and it helped me much. She advised me to forget about everything, don't think about it, and just "keep going". And it helped me.

EDIT: Today I had no lust. I just wasn't thinking about these things. That's wonderful!!!

[Frodo]

Journal day 6

Hi, Simon.
A couple of suggestions:

1) Never say "I have this addiction cracked." Usually, the time between saying this and our next relapse can be measured in days, if not hours. Humility is the opposite of lust, so it's a good idea always to approach recovery with humility.

I think that Philip was very right in this case. Several days before my relapse (on February 21st, to be precise) I have said that my expected value of purity period length is about 100 days and boasted that there were so many things that would prevent me.
Three days later it proved wrong.

It was a bit like in the case of "Titanic". They basically ignored warnings of several icebergs in the area.

Silence may be a silence before a thunderstorm. I think that I was probably much more sensitive because I have had many clean days, was able to cope successfully with lust: recovery wasn't difficult for me.

Probably the most dangerous temptations are the ones that attack You suddenly, after a long time of being calm. Satan is intelligent and does his best to make our life difficult.

That's a proof of how reading journals is helpful. Thank You, Simon and Phil.

Mateusz

[Frodo]

Journal Day 7

Well, it takes me horribly long to post here, over a half an hour (up to an hour!) for a single entry. The cause is not my English quality (but I know that I probably make many mistakes here and the language I use is much too formal :) )
It's rather because I am not very empathetic and it requires me much consideration to write a sensible message that will help and not upset anybody.

I am afraid I will have to cut down on visiting this forum a bit, but I can't afford spending so much time every day here. Hopefully it's aroud the beginning of the term and I do not have so much job now.

I have prepared a very sophisticated message to leave here, but it will have to wait. I have also not introduced me properly; I will have to write about my journey before I met TTF on the path of my life, but not now.

Well, only 15 minutes. Maybe is it not so bad?

Still having almost no lust.

[Frodo]

I played today a game called "Blobby Volley". A Linux clone of the game has a "Computer Player" (=Artificial Inteligence) designed to be ideal. It was quite interesting to play with it. And I did not care that I have lost 2:15. I was just proud of scoring these 2 points.

Shouldn't we be proud of our soberity periods more then we are ashamed of our relapses?

[Frodo]

Hello,
I am afraid that I will relapse today. I had some very tough days and I am emotionally exhausted. I had several cases when this led to a relapse.

I have found a hole in my content filter that I will not be able to fix today. I will spend whole evening alone in my flat and I have no way to avoid it.


Please help me!!!

EDIT: Outdated, I have fixed the hole (temporarily, for the time being).

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)