ctb-day7

[CurseTheBeast]

Ok one week. Yesterday was a fairly calm day. No slips. But I've gotten up this morning and been shaken by the great remorse and guilt feelings that I have. Not the type that would make me seek out P, however.

The damage that I have done to my loved ones is the main issue. It has been indeed a double life. But I know after being here a week that people will help and support my desires to Curse The Beast. Thank all of you.

[OpenEyes]

Stay strong, you are on the right path. Getting rid of this stuff from your life can ONLY have good impact.

Could you share your strategies for staying P free and maybe get a bit more specific on just how you feel about very particular issues, like how you feel about your SO?

Typing, retyping, examining, sharing are all part of your own self therapy and they do help.

Know you have support and a caring community here.

[CurseTheBeast]

Thank you OEs. I have strategies and have posted them before. I think that I was using that wrong post style, because it does make it difficult for someone to follow. I am now going to use the one journal post and just add to it daily.

When I first made the decision to reform, recove, change etc., and realized that I had to and wanted to, I went on a rampage to delete and or destroy anything that I had in the home, internet or control over. Of course deleted computer files. Even couldn't get one external hard drive to be accessed, so I took it out to the garage and smashed it with a sledgehammer.

Boy it took me a few days to hopefully discover all of it, as I'm a bit of a "pack-rat" with everything. But I think I have now completed that phase. Then I immediately started searching the internet for help groups.

I found one and began reading and found it to be teriffic for me. On that site I read about TTH. I had to ask what TTH was as the initials were new to me. Someone answered, and thats how I found this site.

I am still using both sites for support, but in a small way prefer this one. It was very discouraging at first to post (at the other site) and not get any or much response. I found this site much more helpful/supportive in that way. However, the other site has got better.

I have a very disappointed but supportive family. I will defeat this as I Curse The Beast!

[Phil413]

Ok one week.

=D>

Phil

[CurseTheBeast]

Just had an interesting thought at least to me. I've been addicted for about 12 years. During that time I have taken trips of upwards of two weeks. During that time I was cut off from my internet pal. I never can remember a withdrawal type of reaction. Maybe it was because I knew it was a limited time, but still I lasted.

[Jon Doe 109]

Man, this is good stuff, I'm glad I read this journal.. thanks for sharing. You said, "I went on a rampage to delete and or destroy anything that I had in the home, internet or control over. Of course deleted computer files. Even couldn't get one external hard drive to be accessed, so I took it out to the garage and smashed it with a sledgehammer." I had to laugh out loud, that is great man! I get that feeling, needing to purge yourself and your surrounding from the signs of PA. It's just like throwing out your rig or pipe... anyway, I remember day one for me.. only a few weeks back ;)
I deleted my picture folder collected for years... man, i think that was the hardest step, it was like letting go of a friend while rock climbing... I think I got butterfly's when "this file is too big to move into the trash - permanently delete?".
Anyway, thanks for sharing - lots of inspiration here.
Jon

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Ok one week. Yesterday was a fairly calm day. No slips. But I've gotten up this morning and been shaken by the great remorse and guilt feelings that I have. Not the type that would make me seek out P, however.

The damage that I have done to my loved ones is the main issue. It has been indeed a double life. But I know after being here a week that people will help and support my desires to Curse The Beast. Thank all of you.

First =D> On one week. good going my friend

We are here to help each other through this. No one know just how hard we struggle at times going through this addict. No one but us here anyway. so if we cant help each other, who in the hell will help us? I have found out, that we can not do this on our own.now we have you here to help all of us to, Thank you for being here

[UpLifted]

Hey Curse or maybe I will call you CTB,

Anyways, congrats on the one week.=D> A step in the right directions is always a positive thing. Good job on getting rid of all your collections. It's very important to cut off all access early on in the recovery. I am glad you are here and as you have said this community is VERY supportive. I too was at another board and this one just seems more supportive and friendly. Keep up the fight and never forget that we are all here to support you. God Bless.

--UpLifted