One day at a time - Needtoheal - PA

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Day 338

Still clean...
Still fighting on although I did feel like giving up this week, but thinking about my wife and marriage, focussing on the good things in my life helped me through. Am looking forwards to the end of this week already. Something tells me its going to be a long one...

I am glad that you did not give up my friend. you have come to far, and worked so hard, to be where you are in your life. I mean come on, 338 days free from this crap, just shows that you have the determination in your Heart to beat this crap.

I like what you said in how you are abloe to not give in to this addiction, that you think about your WIFE and MARRIAGE, and all of the good things in life. We addicts know so well that if we get temptations, and we allow ourselves to thinks about them, then yes we will give int to this temptation. but if we change our thoughts RIGHT AWAY to better ones, then we will fight them off a lot better.

Though you may still have struggles, I can see that you are doing so well in recovery. you are a very big encouragement for the rest of us here

Keep up with the outstanding work you are doing in recovery

Gerald

[needtoheal]

Day 345

Still clean...

a tough week again though. I feel I am suffering by not journalling and as yet I have been unable to balance my life and work to give myself time to journal. Sounds like an excuse and it probably is. I have a self destructive streak (as i know many others here also have) and I feel that the inability to find time to journal is often my streak coming out. It does those little things that push you towards the edge and make you look down. I feel in control but at the same time standing there on the edge sometimes you get dizzy and then when you're tired you feel yourself start to pitch forwards. Catching yourself is the trick, having someone to catch you is easier, thats what you guys and this site is to me, someone to catch me when I am tired and pitch forwards. I am still clean and thats the main thing but i know that this is all far from over. I found myself standing on the edge several times this week and each time i managed to stop the swaying and take a step back. I feel that if I had been visiting daily to journal i would never have found myself on the edge.

So yeah, a scary week, one i'd rather forget and definitely not one i want to repeat. I need to shut out the voice in my head that tells me not to bother journalling as i'm too busy/its not important/i can do it later, i know thats the voice of my downfall trying to push me towards the edge again. I am worthy of the time i give myself to journal, its a hugely important part of my recovery and I will begin doing it properly and regularly again...

[needtoheal]

Day 346

Still clean...

Made it back again today. Forced myself to make time and just pop in, need to get the good habits back. A better day today, work pressure is easing a bit and i'm looking forwards to a Valentines evening with my wife. Heres to the week continuing as its started...

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Day 346

Still clean...

Made it back again today. Forced myself to make time and just pop in, need to get the good habits back. A better day today, work pressure is easing a bit and i'm looking forwards to a Valentines evening with my wife. Heres to the week continuing as its started...

Just keep it going my friend. You are going to do this. sure at times it is hard, at times we can be right on the edge, but we just need to take a few steps back, to get away from that edge. if we allow ourselves to get that close to the edge, we can very easily slip and fall

Stay strong, and focused, and you will be ok. 346 days free from this crap, shows that despite any temptations that do come around, you are doing something right in your recovery

Keep up with the good work my friend

Gerald

[needtoheal]

Day 347

Still clean...

Just getting back into regular visits. I read Gerald's post and i know i can beat this, i know i can make it through the tough times. To do that I have to use the tools available to me though and my journal is probably my biggest tool. So even if i just visit to say hi i will keep coming back. I am going to try and make the effort to contribute by supporting others as well. I have had a lot of support here and its time to give something back. I'm hoping this will also help with the next stage of my recovery too and help keep me going in the right direction...

[AnxiouslyEngaged]

NTH,

First of all, that's an impressive number you've got there at the top :)

Second, you're absolutely right that coming here and trying to support others, and contributing, will help you in this process. The AA book stresses that helping others overcome the addiction is a crucial part of recovery. In fact, it may be impossible to sustain recovery without reaching out to help others.

Keep it up. We're all proud of you.

AE

[needtoheal]

Day 350

Still Clean...

Missed a couple of days but back again now. Its been a long week but I am glad at the end of it. No more problems or wobbles this week so from that point of view its been good. I am hoping to get some time this weekend to contribute a bit more. All in all although its been a trying time, I have made it through and I'm chalking this one up as another victory. Normal weekend routine for now though so its lunchtime for the kids :-)

[needtoheal]

Day 354

Still clean...

More upheaval and stress. Thats when I have most trouble. I still find myself sometimes trying to justify P usage, trying to convince myself that its ok because of x, y or z. Had that conversation with myself this morning and managed to walk away from it again. Sometimes are easier than others. With whats going on at the moment this is not an easy time, but I am keeping going. Planning one of those nice curl up on the sofa evenings with my wife tonight and thoroughly looking forwards to it. I would much rather be there with her in my arms than watching P and letting myself become numb. Letting yourself feel things both negative and positive is hard and sometimes very uncomfortable but I have to keep doing that. The choice of numbness (however I may acheive it) is not a healthy option and is just another first step on the road back to my old life.

Still clean, still fighting but in need of a break from the fight. Hoping tonight will help give me that, if not i will try another of my mechanisms. I will not let this beat me now, not after all this time...

[JenMac]

Keep going strong NTH!
I really like what you say and feel about your wife. It is so awesome when you can work through this together! Cuddle times just help to keep us centred and focussed on the good in our lives. Enjoy!
Looking forward to seeing the one year post from you NTH!
All the best!
Jenn

[needtoheal]

Day 359

Still clean...

Still struggling to find time to visit but on the plus side its been a much better week this week. Feeling confident, strong and very positive. I love having this life is good feeling. It reminds me how much it sucked to be sneaking around looking over my shoulder all the time. Not having to lie means not having to cover up means a much more relaxed happy open me and I am really enjoying it again. Life is still not easy but nowadays I don't feel like P is the answer. Facing troubles and finding solutions is much easier as a team and much better than curling up into a ball with a destructive addiction and ignoring them...