271828's Mission

[271828]

I'm stopping. That's all there is to it. This forum is the missing link for me, the idea that others, somewhere, now know of me, my problem, and what I'm going to do about it. I've kept everyone in the dark for 40 years, that's over. I've tried to stop many, many times in the past, but always alone. Help me by being there and I will put an end to this. Thanks....

[Phil413]

I'm stopping. That's all there is to it. This forum is the missing link for me, the idea that others, somewhere, now know of me, my problem, and what I'm going to do about it. I've kept everyone in the dark for 40 years, that's over. I've tried to stop many, many times in the past, but always alone. Help me by being there and I will put an end to this. Thanks....

We're all here for you, 271828. And I feel the same way you do. Making myself accountable to a forum like this was the tipping point for me. It's really made a big difference in my life, and I know it'll make a big difference in yours, too.

Phil

[271828]

Thanks, I appreciate it. Working through another day without porn or MB. I'm in one of my "danger times" right now - I'm alone at the house. Just need to keep in mind that I'm not going to give in, and that there's ALWAYS something more productive to do with my time. Thanks for being there.

[Phil413]

I'm in one of my "danger times" right now - I'm alone at the house. Just need to keep in mind that I'm not going to give in, and that there's ALWAYS something more productive to do with my time. Thanks for being there.

Also, if you haven't done so already, it'd be a great idea to install an Internet filter like K9 on your computer. If you make it hard to access P, you'll find that it becomes much easier to resist temptations.

Phil

[271828]

Thanks, but I've found porn blockers to not be effective with me. I'll simply find another way. Like it or not, porn is all around us. I can't even read a news story (e.g. Charlie Sheen) without seeing a porn star, or a starlet that has hot pics on Google that lead me to looking for hotter pics. For me, it's recognizing the triggers that esclate to the behavior and redirecting my thoughts and actions away from it, combined with the accountability that I'm hoping this forum will provide.

[Phil413]

For me, it's recognizing the triggers that esclate to the behavior and redirecting my thoughts and actions away from it, combined with the accountability that I'm hoping this forum will provide.

Those are great tactics, but I'm worried that they'll only work at times like this, when you're full of fire and your resolve is strong. What happens when the day comes (and it will) when your resolve isn't so strong? Just this morning Viper66 wrote:

I would have caved today. The only reason I didn't was because I have K-9. I should see if they are hiring, I would sell the snot out of that product!! . . . I went 10 days without so much as a wimper of a temptation and then wham! Making the garbage unaccessable saved me once again.

I strongly advise you to reconsider installing a filter. It may not be perfect, but the day may come when it will save your sobriety, like it did for Viper66 just today.

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide!

Phil

[271828]

Another successful day. Just feeling the responsiblity to write this down every day where it can be seen gives me strength. The temptation is still there, but I know I can resist it. Thanks again for being there.

[Dominus]

Trust me, Get the porn blocker. Install it, type in a random 8 digit code on a calculator, put it in the password, put it in to verify again, turn the calculator off.

[271828]

Thanks, I appreciate the advice, but until I can resist porn without depending on blockers, I am really not free of it. We have a dozen computers between two houses, internet capable phones, and the availability of porn or porn-like content in many places (e.g. hotel rooms). I can't block them all, and the idea of an "open" system is a trigger for me. I've got to develop my own internal "porn blocker" that works across the board.

[Phil413]

Thanks, I appreciate the advice, but until I can resist porn without depending on blockers, I am really not free of it.

That's true, but the short-term goal is merely sobriety, not freedom. Freedom comes later. In the meantime, a P addict living in a house with unfiltered computers is like an alcoholic living in a liquor store.

You'll probably do fine for awhile, especially now that you're posting here and you have the initial excitement of recovery. But the time will come when that will fade. Inevitably, there will be days when you're sick, or tire, or lonely, or whatever. In those moments, having P just a click away is a very bad thing.

We have a dozen computers between two houses, internet capable phones, and the availability of porn or porn-like content in many places (e.g. hotel rooms). I can't block them all, and the idea of an "open" system is a trigger for me.

You might not be able to block things outside of your home, but you can block your own computers. You really have 12 computers? Wow. Still, K9 is free, so you can block them all if you want to. Some smart phones (e.g., the iPhone) can also be filtered.

It's your call, of course. I just hate to see someone sailing blithely into danger. I feel I have to at least raise the alarm. I wish you all the best in your recovery!

Phil