Hoping To Recover

[chesslova]

Hey, I'm Jack, a 19 year old p addict from the Midwest. Why am I so upbeat? Because I'm pretty sure God is real (no matter what anyone else says) and I'm going to hell. Don't ask why. It doesn't have anything to do with p, and no I didn't kill somebody. Well, I have problems cursing sometimes. And we all know what has come out of our mouth a time or two. But I was raised to believe in the scriptures, and yes I believe in that line about blasphemy. But anyway, let's skip to the root of why I'm here. I'm tired of my parents bugging me, the risk that other students at the university I attend finding out about my addiction, browsing borderline material on a public network, and, well, having to think about going to hell. In fact I'd like to think I'm going to heaven, but like I said, 11 Let the one who does wrong continue to do wrong; let the vile person continue to be vile; let the one who does right continue to do right; and let the holy person continue to be holy.” I am kinda slow, I have aspergers syndrome, but I have also been diagnosed with skitzophrenia. Despite the symptoms of the disease, I think it is more the skitzophrenia. I have been sober for about 3 days, and let me tell you, it is a lot different. I don't walk around campus cursing uncontrollably, because my ears are filtered from such nonsense. I'm not as paranoid (well embarrassingly that is) and I'm less tempted to look at girls. Having something to do with my time also helps. I've recently been hired part time. Just found out about life, society, and let me tell you guys it ain't easy. I am an avid hunter, yes people take me out but I take myself out sometimes as well, with marginal success. Don't have many friends, but the few that I do are very loyal. Feeling lucky to be part of the forums, and hope to get some replies.

[JenMac]

Hey Jack! Welcome to TTF!
I am not really a religious person Jack, I consider myself more of a spiritual person. I believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking and that those things can have a tremendous effect on our lives. People can change their lives Jack, as well as their thinking.
Jack, I have been in the field of Autism and Asperger's for over 20 years now. I am aware of the challenges you face as well as the strengths that can come from this diagnosis.
I am glad to hear that you have some loyal friends at your side. Have you shared your problem with them?
Jack I would recommend that you read some of the recovery journals here and start to develop a plan to overcome this in your life. Many here have put a filter on their computer and they find that incredibly helpful.
Glad you are here Jack! You have come to the right place!
Wishing you all the best as you move ahead in your recovery!
Jenn

[artguy34]

I have aspergers syndrome, but I have also been diagnosed with skitzophrenia.

In spite of these diagnosis, as a 19 yr old single college student, you still managed to seek help on your own. IMO, you are one step ahead of many PA's here including me. It takes a lot of courage and strength to admit that you have an addiction. Good for you!

Please read as much as you can and learn from others here. We are all here to help if you need it!

Good Luck J, and I look forward to reading more about you!

AG

[NewHope10]

Hi Jack and welcome to TTF!

Praying for you and your recovery journey.

Keep coming back, Jack!

[livada]

Hi Jack,

I would like to join my fellow TTFizens in welcoming you! This is a place where free exchange of thought is considered a value and where people will not scold you even if you fail or feel blue from time to time. I like to call it an internet oasis :)

Keep coming, read as much as you can, and be brave.

Freedom from addiction will make you believe in yourself. This feeling will come gradually, in bits and pieces over the following months, but once it does, you will never want to go back.

Kind regards,
Livada

[chesslova]

Thanks for your responses. I'll begin Journal entry #2 promptly.

[chesslova]

Well, last night I admit I visited the front page and looked at a few thumbnails of one of the websites that I had had trouble with before. So I'd like to reset the count. Starting today, I'll never view pornography again. Ever. I'm sorry to God and to the rest of you to have failed this one last time. Aside from that, everything's been going great. I regret that I don't feel like writing down very many of my emotions right now, as I know is the purpose of open journal writing. I'll be sure and post when I'm in the mood. Praise to God that I've been able to curb this addiction apart from the incident last night.