Teemo's Journal

[HopefulsRock]

Teemo, anything to do with P is not a pleasant thought but rather the devil in disguise! The only thing that you should consider a pleasant thought in that way would be one of your SO and no one else my friend! ...just trying to help you and make that clear. It's amazing the tricks our very own minds can play on us to tempt us to do things against our morals. I admire your commitment and wish you continued strength in your journey!

[Teemo]

Thanks Rock, I know you are right. Lust has filled my mind for a long time. I choose now to reject lust. But it will not go away just because I make that choice. I have to be vigilant. Any thought that may get me started in that direction has to be sent away. That's the way I see it. It doesn't take a lot of effort, but it does take unwavering commitment.

Teemo

[Teemo]

I was out last night with my wife and some friends to see a show - a musical. Great seats, a wonderful production, a good time. These are also times that I have used on many occasions for looking and lusting. Sometimes it's the show itself that provides the opportunity, and often it is the women around me. I am pleased to say I did very well. It really isn't so difficult for me to say no to that behavior. I was there to enjoy sharing the night out with my wife. I did not need to look for opportunities to feed my lustful imagination. The only hard part is the feeling that it's not fair. That I'm missing some opportunity for pleasure. But I keep reminding myself that my addiction is the problem. If I want to be free of it, then I keep going on the road I have chosen. That's simple.

Teemo

[Teemo]

Today my mind is filled with questions. What is next on this road? Will I ever get lust out of my mind for good? Why am I clinging to a few images and fantasies that seem too "special" to send away forever? Am I at the indecisive stage that Daniel has written about, enjoying success, but not sure I want to close the door completely?

I choose now to close the door.
I choose now to put my addiction in God's hands.
I choose now to hold on to nothing.

I ask only for the strength to keep going.

Teemo

[HopefulsRock]

SLAM that door Teemo and don't look back because I'm sure more doors will open for you! I think your on the right path and great seats, a wonderful production and a good time are what life's all about my friend!
...and sometimes the best seats are right on the couch next to each other!

[Teemo]

Thanks Rock! That door is closed and locked. I am moving forward. I have so much to do.

Teemo

[rouby]

Thanks Rock! That door is closed and locked. I am moving forward. I have so much to do.

Teemo

Teemo,
It has been very inspiring reading the last couple of your posts. Somehow, somewhere, I think we have lost the truth that we must begin with locking those doors.

I am so glad to see you doing that very thing. The only question I have is...why did it take me so long to see this truth?

Keep trucking Teemo...

[Teemo]

Why? Because we think that our looking/lusting/acting out is really a part of us. We think we will die without it. As much as we hate it, we can't imagine living without it. So even as we struggle with it, we hold on to it. Somehow, it is just too hard to make the final decision.

But I'm not afraid anymore, Rouby. It's grace. I thank God for letting me get to this point. It's not just that I finally see it. I had to be willing to do it. I got there.

I have lots of work ahead of me. And battles to fight. But I know for sure what I want now. I will not settle for anything less.

Thanks for being part of this with me, Rouby. You are in this for the long haul, I know. We are both going to make it.

Teemo

[IN NEED OF HELP]

But I'm not afraid anymore, Rouby. It's grace. I thank God for letting me get to this point. It's not just that I finally see it. I had to be willing to do it. I got there.

I have lots of work ahead of me. And battles to fight. But I know for sure what I want now. I will not settle for anything less.

With the attitude that you are displaying, you will do just fine. You have been putting so much effort in your recovery, to be a new you, and to get this addiction out of your life. you say that you still have a lot of work ahead of you, but if you keep working the way that you have been, it will just come naturally to be able to do the right things.
I am so encouraged by what you are doing at this time in your life my friend. you have come a long way in your journey, and you have been fighting a hard fight, but it shows that it is paying off for you now. I=D> you for taking this addiction, and fighting it, and staying in control of you.

And you cant settle for anything less, you are worth so much more.
Keep it up Teemo, I know you will do this. I am proud my friend

[Teemo]

Thanks, INOH. Your words are very encouraging. I hope the work just comes naturally to me as you say. But I'm not counting on it. I know how much work you are putting into recovery, and I know it is not rewarding at every step of the way.

I am seeing that I am in many ways a beginner at life and honesty and relationships and solving problems. I have found ways to avoid a lot of life. I have always been guarded and ready to retreat to my hiding place.

Thanks for your confidence in me.

Teemo