nocs journal

[noctemmyth]

JAN 16 2011

Well here it goes today has benn going pretty good so far,went to work and got some stuff done. I had a slip and went and watched some p and i got caught for it, ccm is my computer tec, and i needed her to fix it so the rest is history. I have beat some of the worst addictions known to man and i did it cold turkey well not quite the federal goverment help in there own way, but like i said i have beat some seriously destructive addictions and i did it my self my own way but what i do not understand is why i am having such a hard time dealing with my cravings for p. I guess that it is something i will have to ponder i will try and post my thoughts on it when they come to me .........

[IN NEED OF HELP]

noctemmyth

I am so happy to see you are hear again. Curing ourself from this addiction, is not and isn't going to be a easy step. But you made one very big step, By coming back here, knowing that you Yourself needs help. I really do not think that any of us men who almost destroyed, or destroyed our life, know why we or how we got this deep in to P.
P is a very very addictive thing. In your post you asked a question.

what i do not understand is why i am having such a hard time dealing with my cravings for p. I guess that it is something i will have to ponder i will try and post my thoughts on it when they come to me

To me, and hell i am do doctor, but i feel that the more we view P, the more it is allowed to stay in our body. As with any drug, if we use it for a long period of time, and then we try to quit, our brain is telling our body that we need that drug. Therefore, we get the craving for it, and we need to fight to not give in. Look at your brain as if it is a hard drive of a computer. Our mind stores everything that we do and see. So no doubt that you have many countless hours and days of all kinds of movies, or images in your head. And all it takes is one little thing we see whether on tv book or the streets to trigger those things in our head, thus telling our brain to tell our body, that we need to see more. So i guess i will call them withdraws from P.
I have only been fighting my Porn addiction since the end of Nov. i am only about 50 days free of P. Yet i feel so good about how far i have come, i do still get the cravings. I can still see a woman walking down the street, and if i allow my OLD thoughts to take over, i will find myself in the same spot i was in before my ADDICTION was discovered. I do still have the cravings, but it is how i react to them that is important.

I know that what i said probably does not make any sense. But I guess what i am trying to say is that we have looked at this CRAP for way to long.For me it was a EVERYDAY thing spending many hours a day with it. and when i was not at home, being able to view it, the Lust for it, or craving for it was always there. Our minds just got so use to seeing it, that we still want to view.

Im sorry for this long reply that may not make sense. But i wish you the best in your recovery.....YOU HAVE A WOMAN THAT LOVES YOU VERY MUCH

[Charly22]

but what i do not understand is why i am having such a hard time dealing with my cravings for p. I guess that it is something i will have to ponder i will try and post my thoughts on it when they come to me .........

I asked my husband how he would respond to the above, he had 5 months p free until a recent relapse in dec. He first said it was a hard thing to answer, as to why....just gotta take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time....until it becomes your second nature. And then our conversation went to "having a plan".....having a plan ahead of time, before the urge hits.

I've heard enough of the others here talk about this need for a plan as well.

What do you think could be a good thing to practice when you notice an urge, or feel like your thoughts have gone astray? Cause that's where it all begins.....with your thoughts. Removing external triggers is an excellent tool, and probably one of the most important tools. But more importantly is your thoughts.

I think it could be a significant benefit to come up with a few different things to try, a mantra or a motto, practice have good conversations with yourself. We all have conversation with ourselves inside our head....we need to be good to ourselves.

Thanks for taking the step to come here.

You are helping yourself and others, pa's and so's alike.

[Cupcakemomma]

Well, I started it on your other thread but I thought after our conversation I would finish it here :)

I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

[rosie]

Just a friendly PROD to come and post. That's all. :D

[Misty_77]

Welcome back to TTF, noc! I'm glad you're here. I just wanted to give you some encouragement and let you know that we're all here for you. Every time you want to "act out", just come and post here! We'll gladly keep you company. :)

P.S. Hug CCM for me!!! hehe

[Cupcakemomma]

I had a blast last night (even if we are kinda lame ;) ) Rematch?

[Charly22]

Removing external triggers is an excellent tool, and probably one of the most important tools. But more importantly is your thoughts.

I guess this is what I was trying to say, in a nutshell, about WHY this type of addiction is so hard to kick, compared to others like cigarettes, alcohol, etc.

You can keep yourself out of the bars, you can not go outside with the other smokers on break, but it is damn hard to escape your own thoughts. So, guess this is why they say abstinence is just a small part of kicking this addiction's butt!

[noctemmyth]

Well i might not post every day but today has been a pretty good day my thoughts did not stray to the p or a craving for it, All i craved was to sit behind the wheel of my new car and take it for a rip but the only problem is that we have had another 4-6" of snow in the last 30 hours so ther is no ripping around yet:)

I would like to thank everyone for the most gracious and warm welcome that I have recived so with out further ado.........thanks alot everyone.>:D<

[Kathy]

Hey there Mr. N...

Stay strong, keep posting, keep communicating with Ms. CCM!!! Or I'm going to have to double bop you on the head!

Give her loads of tight hugs for us.

I do wish you only the best to your recovery....

Kathy