Everyday is easier than the first.

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

I decided to start my journal today & this is my first entry. As of today I've been 3 weeks without P. The feeling I have has been Awesome! Don't get me wrong, I still feel tempted by the darkside everyday. Since I started on this road, I have been able to better connect to those around me. For me, it's a big thing. Because after looking at P & MB, I became moody, angry, just pretty much wanted to be left alone with my addiction that I denied I didn't have. I had pushed away everyone that matter to me for what? For a 2-D image? Sorry, I'm into my 3-D wife now. It has taken shear willpower for me to get this far,but I haven't been alone in my quest. My wife is my biggest supporter. I will tell everyone a little bit more about myself & what I've been through. Hopefully, my wife will share her story. Everyone have a great day & a better tomorrow.

[JenMac]

Thanks Sikes for starting to share your story.
I am glad you are here to find support for yourself as you begin your recovery. I know there is a lot of learning you will be doing over the next several months for both you and your wife as you battle this addiction and move on to a better place in your lives.
I am glad your wife is being supportive to you and I hope that she will use TTF to support herself as she begins to heal as well!
Keep going strong Sikes! You have picked a great place to be!
So happy to see you kept the computer and are using it for your healing!
All the best!
Jenn

[NewHope10]

Keep up the good work...and keep reaching out for help!

I hope your wife decides to join - as this will be an AMAZING tool in her recovery as well!

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

Well, its another day & I'm still P-free. The temptation hit me this morning, but I did not give in. Instead I got dressed & walked down to the redbox to rent a movie ( I had a free rental that expired today). I hate when the urge hits me like that though. I try different ways to avoid the urge when it strikes. I'm trying to quit smoking too, so it ain't easy. I opened up about my addiction to a co-worker the other day, he is a born-again Christian. Someone told me about a group of men that meet every week to discuss their addictions & God, but they couldn't remember the name of the group. I was told this about a week ago. I found out a few days ago that my co-worker belongs to the same group I was told about. I think God is trying to tell me something. I've known this guy for about 3 weeks, we both started this job at the same time. When I told him about my addiction he asked me if I wanted to come with him to the next meeting & I told him yes. So here is another way for me to get rid of my addiction. I'm very committed to beating this. I'm trying everything under the sun to beat this addiction. Everyone have a great day & better tomorrow:D

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Sikes17

Glad too see that you are taking whatever steps you need to take to beat this. i have found that SAA meetings are a very big step in my recovery. you can talk about your problem face to face, and not feel embarrassed about it. it has proven to help me very much. Good luck in your recovery. One day without P is one day closer to freedom

[Charly22]

I hate when the urge hits me like that though. I try different ways to avoid the urge when it strikes.

I've heard that exercise can be the best replacement to use when an urge hits. Releases the same chemicals, but it is healthy, and when your done, you'll feel better.

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

I'm feeling so lost right now. I don't know to explain why I feel this way. There isn't really much to say. I'm still P-free though I guess thats a plus. Everyone have a great day & a better tomorrow.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Sikes17
No one knows why we go thru times when we feel so lost. the good thing is that you are still P free. there are so many emotions that i think we go thru in giving up a addiction. when we try to give up a addiction that we had for a long time, even thou it is P, i do feel we go through withdraws in some was. i know in the past when i gave up my drug use, even thou i felt like i should feel great about it, i would find myself in times of being very lost or depressed. i think in time all this lost feelings will go away. remember we are taking something away from our body and trying to replace it with something else. our minds need a little time to adjust to it. i dont know if that made any sense, but i cant always explain things the way i wish i can.

Good luck to you

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

Thank you for the support. It's not the P that has me depressed, I don't miss it at all. 23 days today P-free. I'm depressed about how my marriage is going in the toilet because of this.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Ok that i can relate to. when my SO found out about what i was doing, it just tore her apart. i was told to leave and find my own place to live..But i did not need to do that, because she wants to help me get thru this sickness.. We as men, never would have thought that just by looking at some porn, our SO would react the way they did. But it comes down to that in there eyes we are cheaters. and in a way they are right. we was giving our time, even thou it was by looking at a computer screen, to another woman. we betrayed them. we showed them that we can not be trusted. I know for me, i am so sicken with myself for hurting the most beautiful woman on this earth. i am doing everything i can to fix me so i can fix us also. you said that your wife is your biggest supporter. that is great. even thou we as men seen that we could have lost everything dear to us, and that we hurt out ladies more than they deserved to be hurt, we never want to do this to them again. I truly understand that you are depressed how things are going, and how you feel that your marriage is in the toilet because of this. But if your wife is trying to support you with this, that will only make your marriage stronger. we need to keep P out of our lives, and make sure we do what ever it take to get better. If you are determined to help yourself with this, and you have a wife that is willing to stand by you and support you, i really dont think your marriage will end up in the toilet. We learn by our actions. you can fix this. i know you can. i do read your post here. You are on your way to a better life. Not only with yourself, but also with your Wife