Me

[Life42087]

.... I am not proud I am here. The reson I joined this fourm is because my social aniexty has gotten so bad I can't even look my family in the face on thanksgiving. While looking for why it has gotten so bad I found the article does the cowardly lion masterbate. After reading it I am thinking my addiction to porn has rotted my insides moso black I don't know who I am. I started when I was really young. I aways been into ...... Before I could even remember I had my action figures acting it out. .... .... .... .... This was a steep slope for me. I remember seeing ... .... The fact you could create your self in the video games .... did not help at all.

I was around 11 when I found masterbation...

About 2 years or less later my parents got our first computer. My sister ended up going to a hospital for depression and I was left alone with the box that would destory my life. It started out looking for pictures ... ... Everytime my parents left I would log on and stare at these picture for hours if not roleplaying with someone online. ... I countinued with my habbits getting more and more involved in the scene .

Thanks to AOL and my parents being completely technologically incompetant they never where the wiser. I got on looked and deleted my history. I also had the main account. I don't know how long this continued.

I used to print out some picture to look at when i could not search because they were home and then would tear them up to millions of parts and flush them.

My Problem only got expited a year later when I saved up all my money to buy my own first computer. (this is around 7th-8th grade)

Now I was so addicted almost every waking moment I could I would search for new porn.

Something that bothers me the most is I remember when i first saw S&M I was disgusted by it . When I first saw cuckolding I almost threw up. Those limits aren't there any more.

I had a brief pause when I saw a show saying masterbation leads to hell and belived I had pains in my knees everytime I did it. I got over that in about 6 months. ... Soon I would be going through the whole process.

....

At this point. My limits started getting lower and porn that once discuss me turned me on. I was no longer happy with the idea ... I wanted to actually live my fantasys.

I started meeting girls off the web. Funny enough the girl I have been with for now almost three years I met on a site .... but we started dating and then became a couple. ....

We also never slept together. depending on your defintion , I am still a virgin. ...

I can't belive I written so much and so little of my story is here. I am 23 now going on 24.
The funny part is even writting this make it feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders. I feel like there is a way out like I can breathe again.... Something else I should mention is I have OCD . .... I would also have to touch or do things in a multiple of 4 so it was even to divide. I also went through my period of making bets that if I lost the devil could have my soul in my head and if i did lose saying I could have it back if I spit a certain distance.

[Life42087]

Just an update , the post above was written on thanksgiving. I made a few weeks ok. Unfortunatly my partner was unable to help relief stess and tonight I am back to square one.

[Daniel]

Life,

Welcome to TTF, we are glad you have found a place to begin the healing process and the journey to freedom universally desired by our membership..

We strongly encourage members to "write out" their feelings and experiences in the name of getting it out and feeling that weight lifted off the proverbial shoulders.

You will note I have edited certain segments out of your first post.

Please feel no alarm as this move is cautionary for the rest of our members as providing too much information around certain experiences, habits, desires, methods, etc., can be a 'triggering event' for our recovering addicts/P-users and could potentially cause them to fly off the rails looking up the things described.

As you continue to post and interact, please describe your experiences etc., in terms that are "non-searchable" and generic enough that you get your point across and achieve your goal of sharing without being too detailed.

Thank you for your consideration and on behalf of the TTF Community again a hearty welcome,

Daniel

(PS: have a look at this sticky for additional info on the 'too much information' idea -and thanks)

[likeafish34]

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At this point. My limits started getting lower and porn that once discuss me turned me on. I was no longer happy with the idea ... I wanted to actually live my fantasys.

That's just how it has been for me. P is a bit like a drug. We're always looking for a better effect. Never satisfied with how we felt the last time we used P. Got to use something stronger to give a stronger effect. Trouble is that's just a vicious circle that takes us deeper and deeper into hell.

Keep coming back and keep telling us how things are going.

Good luck

Simon