Just an update

[IN NEED OF HELP]

hello to everyone

been a couple of days not being here, cause been busy. im still doing the best i can with this P problem. im so proud to say im 14 days free. but im not going to sit here and pat myself on the back just yet. it has been a struggle. things here on the home front have been getting better. MY lady and i have been getting alone a little better, but i know she still has so much pain and disgusts in her heart. Friday she had her holiday party from work, and she allowed me to go with her. at first she said there was no chance that i was going with her. we had a good time, she allowed me to dance with her, and that felt GREATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. but i ended up seeing that i do have a long battle ahead of me with my addiction, and seeing that i really need to change things not only in my head but also in my heart. at this party, i will admit that there was so many trigger points for me. there was over 300 people there, so yes that means so many women there. i will be honest, for me, and i am working on this so much, there was a lot of eye candy there. so there was a struggle there for me. but in all i feel i did ok. yes i caught myself LOOKING,GETTING THOUGHTS, but i tried to dismiss them from my heart. with my recovery i am realizing that women are a special GIFT FROM GOD, but they are not here to allow US men to look at them as a S*X object. so i did my best to look from the chin up, and not look below the chin. and also there was really no reason to look. thou they where all beautiful woman that was there, out of all of them, i know that i had the most BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE PLACE, sitting right next to me. any glad i went, and had a nice date with my lady. got up on Saturday, and went to my 2nd SAA meeting. and that felt great. the first one i went to was about 5 people, but this week over 11 was there. felt so great when i left. I am so proud that i have gotten to the point that i am in this recovery. i never want to stop trying to make me better. i already feel so much better than i have in many years. having cleaner thoughts in my head is wonderful. a great feeling. I want this feeling to continue for many years to come.

Real fast

TOO all have you SO'S out there reading this, i want to take the time to say IM sorry that this problems is out there. i am so sorry for ALL THE PAIN, us men put you through. you are all BEAUTIFUL women, and you deserve the right to be TREATED as one. I pray there will be a time on this earth that his problems is not around anymore. after seeing the pain i caused to the lady that means the world to me, i am determined to rid my life from this very sick addiction. never do i want to hurt her in any way, shape , or form again. SO'S, again i am sorry that us men done this to you. i pray that you hearts do heal in time

[paulmor909]

Well the way I look at it S is an intimate thing! It's okay to look at women in a S way in privacy during intimacy. But when you look at them only as S objects and dont respect them as human beings and partners who are there for MUCH more than S. Like your partner, to share with, hobbies, activities, raising children, family, like a close or best friend. I'm very flirty with my wife, she has called me a S maniac but I dont think that's the ONLY way I come across. I also tell her she's beautiful and S'y all the time. I mean she is what can I say? And I may notice other woman and see their beauty and S'ieness but I dont stare at them with my mouth open. Or undress them with my mind and start a fantasy. I've never cheated on a spouse, but I have cheated using P countless times which I have SUSPENDED now two months and counting. I am noticing my S mania declining slowly. Even my thoughts are changing gradually. How much P fuels that S obsession and constant thoughts about S. I feel I returning to normal which I dont know what that even is? I am finding out.