ReadyToQuit's Journal

[ReadytoQuit]

Day 1 - This year has been very tough on me emotionally, after more than a dozen attemps to quit using P, I would always find myself failing and managed to dig myself really deep into holes of depression that furthered fueled feelings of hate and anger towards myself for not succeeding. A couple days ago, I ordered The Porn Trap by Wendy and Larry Maltz, and have to say that I was very nervous about ordering it even through the internet because friends come all over the time, and I kept thinking about scenarios where they would see the book and suspect about me. I am only 20 and live with my parents, and would wonder what they would think if they saw it as well, but ultimately I decided to make the decision to order it, because the information inside of it could have the ability to really benefit to me. Tonight, as I am reading it, it has a put a lot of things in different perspectives that make me feel so confident that I can become the person that I want to become some day. I have to say that even with all these failures this year, I realize that I've become more aware than ever this year, and feel like I can actually see myself getting closer and closer to full fledge recovery. This year, I also started talking to a counselor, and have come to finally accept that this is a chapter in my life that will always be in my life, and that things won't just go away. This was very hard for me to deal with, but now that I have, it feels like I can now move forward. While this is only day one, I have realized that my attempts keep improving and I'm looking forward to the day when I can look at myself in the mirror and say this is the person that I wanted to be.

[paulmor909]

Don't hate yourself and stay anger towards yourself for not succeeding! The important thing is your trying! Your dealing with an addiction, an illness. A very powerful force that lures men in by their S nature. In my opinion once you begin using P, that nature & our minds; the part of us that becomes aroused and stimulated does not know the difference between real stimulation and P arousal. So once you established a habit like P, it's very easy to get drawn back into it or tempted. Same as if you had a gf and she comes over to you and you become attracted and turned on by her. Or she undresses............ So even if you decide to quit and tell yourself no, your fighting another part of you. You may not succeed right away. The important thing is your continue to fight the addiction and pick up more tools for recovery! Much of the 12 step suggestions I feel are very good like meetings, sponsorship, prayer, asking for help from others, avoiding the triggers, etc. It does take a great desire to quit such an addiction, that desire will keep you coming back. Don't get down on yourself, just look for better means in your recovery! There's an old saying if you want something bad enough you will keep working at it or even fighting for it. Keep going for it!

[ReadytoQuit]

Feel really productive today. Woke up and saw a movie. Washed all the dishes, did laundry, and cleaned my room. Then went to the larger city and hung out with friends and went to a show. Feeling pretty good about things right now. I have been spending a lot more time reading recently and avoiding the TV altogether.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

ReadytoQuit

i enjoyed reading your post. im so glad you are doing what you can to fight this addiction. it will not be a easy battle, but just know that, YES you can win this battle. never be so hard on yourself. if you stumble, just pick yourself up and keep trying. it is a very good thing that you are trying to overcome this at a young age. the older you get, and the more porn you look at, it just makes it that much harder to quit. i do wish you all the best in you recovery. just keep yourself as busy as you can. YOU CAN AND WILL BEAT THIS ADDICTION

[2frustrated]

It's great to see you fighting this while so young. I'm only a decade older than you, but a decade of p brings a disproportionate amount of decadence. You'll look back on this decision as one of the best you've made in your life!

Don't worry about parents/friends finding out. If they do, the removal of that veil of perfection will only serve to strengthen your relationships. There's a strong probability your family/friends, after finding out, will open up about their (or their loved ones') struggles with p. In other words, people finding out your "secret" has some potential benefits. No need to be so scared of it.

[ReadytoQuit]

I relapsed since last time, but am back on Day 2 and one hour offically from Day 3. Today felt like an accomplishment. I woke up and had strong urges, and having the house to myself didn't help either, but I managed to withstand and listened to music in bed instead, which was very relaxing and made me think about a lot of things. I didn't really do very much today, but tried as much as I could to keep me busy and it worked. The night is my enemy, on to Day 3.

[ReadytoQuit]

Today, I had the house mostly to my self again, but managed to go on a run. I kept myself busy most of the day with a project that I'm working on for college. Tonight, I have to admit that I'm having some strong urges. I haven't been able to maintain a week in a couple years, but this attempt feels different than many others, and it seems like I might, and even surpass my expectation. Still, I'm having cravings that are hard to fight off. Things have been going well this past week as I feel more productive recently, I don't want to mess up this feeling of productivity. On To Day 4.

[an onymous]

Today, I had the house mostly to my self again, but managed to go on a run. I kept myself busy most of the day with a project that I'm working on for college. Tonight, I have to admit that I'm having some strong urges. I haven't been able to maintain a week in a couple years, but this attempt feels different than many others, and it seems like I might, and even surpass my expectation. Still, I'm having cravings that are hard to fight off. Things have been going well this past week as I feel more productive recently, I don't want to mess up this feeling of productivity. On To Day 4.

Dear friend,

The cravings, slowly, will recede. Everything passes. Day 4 is a great achievement. Day 5 will even be better. And it's only one day away.

Take care and keep up the fight. We are all in this together.

Xf

[ReadytoQuit]

Last night after hours of lying awake in bed, and my heart violently beating through my chest, I gave in. I'm saddened but am going to continue today. I am starting to feel reluctant towards posting here, for I don't want this journal to be pages of failures. I appreciate everyone who has put in input and supported me. I'm really determined to reach a week now, because I had what I consider a good run. During those days, I really did feel incredibly productive.

[2frustrated]

Post your failures! Post them a hundred times if you have to. An important step to recovery is being open about things--your successes and failures. This site is not just to congratulate people on recoveries. It's here so we can sympathize and commiserate, too.

You imagine that it's annoying for people to repeatedly read about your failed commitments. It's all in your imagination. We're here to help. No one will be judged for repeat offenses. Keep us posted. Posting will help, no matter what you post.