Recovery, Is it even possible?

[AJP2008]

The good thing is, like what was said to me when I first started here, 'you are not alone'. I'm 63 days into recovery and must be into the thousand times I've tried. For me I think that I'll never be free from it, every day is a battle, but it's a worthwhile battle, but there is no end to the war, the best you can hope for is a standoff. If you know what triggers you and why you would relapse, then your half the way there. My trigger is stress and being alone. Try an Internet filter with a password that someone you can trust with your recovery can know, or if not set a random one like dcnxshecnbdgdvdhrhbdhbdhyd for instance, my browser on my laptop only goes to this site. Any questions you want to ask please reply.

[lost_one]

The good thing is, like what was said to me when I first started here, 'you are not alone'. I'm 63 days into recovery and must be into the thousand times I've tried. For me I think that I'll never be free from it, every day is a battle, but it's a worthwhile battle, but there is no end to the war, the best you can hope for is a standoff. If you know what triggers you and why you would relapse, then your half the way there. My trigger is stress and being alone. Try an Internet filter with a password that someone you can trust with your recovery can know, or if not set a random one like dcnxshecnbdgdvdhrhbdhbdhyd for instance, my browser on my laptop only goes to this site. Any questions you want to ask please reply.

thanks for your help AJP 2008..
Same triggers are included in my case with many others, but i can control them whenever I have a reason why I don't want to do it again..
as for the internet filter goes.. I tried it a couple of times.. but didn't work in my case due to many reasons such as i have access to various devices.. and use them on regular basis.. and i can find my way back in even if i throw away that big random generated key of the filter :).. anyways.. i am glad that it works for you.. I am just 26 days good.. and this time i have got a good reason for a period of time which i have faith that I can fight.. still I must say that.. it requires a strong commitment.. it just not happens by looking at these forums and knowing i am not alone.. or at least in my case..

[HopefulsRock]

Hey Lost One... I lost you...... So I decided to read your journal and I see your doing well! ...26 days good is a great start to a new life, especially when I read that you have a good reason for this faith and confidence! Maybe you can share with us what this reason is but if not it's OK... Great to see and you are correct about it taking a strong commitment!!!

I like what AJP2008 said to you,

For me I think that I'll never be free from it, every day is a battle, but it's a worthwhile battle, but there is no end to the war, the best you can hope for is a standoff

It really got me to think that maybe it's not about winning in this war but more just controlling the enemy who is us!!! ...and in that manner a stand off against yourself really is the best you can hope for!!! That is what winning is in this journey my friend... I wish you great strength in yours!!!

[lost_one]

hi... its been a while.. well.. I AM OK.. who cares.. lol...

i was so busy with my office works that i almost lost the count so i came back here to check my last post date.. it makes it 36 days i think..
i also tried to write sometime but it logs me out automatically so soon that i have written stuff n it goes away just like that.. i think it must be something with the session time or my connection problem i don't know..

anyways.. i think i am going good.. and i have been fasting regularly 24 days now.. just 6 more days to finish up my temporary goal.. I don't know what will happen after that.. cuz i feel i will lose it.. on one side my family is leaving for another country tomorrow morning so I will be all alone once again for long long time.. they have been so much to me.. the get together and talks.. visiting places.. having group breakfasts.. lunches.. dinners.. playing cards etc.. even i don't remember a time in these 36 days that i had any bad thoughts at all.. but now it feels like it may come back.. i remember the worst time for me was when i was alone.. i am not losing hope but i know myself.. i may lose it if i don't find another solid reason to break this.. pray for me guys.. its very difficult for me now.. :)

[Charly22]

i also tried to write sometime but it logs me out automatically so soon that i have written stuff n it goes away just like that.. i think it must be something with the session time or my connection problem i don't know..

You are correct about the session time out. One way around this is to copy your text before hitting post, and then if you have been timed out, you can log back in, and just paste your text. Hope this helps.

And I hope you continue to take pleasure in those things you described about time with your family, the get togethers, playing cards, etc. I hope you will continue to remember that p addiction will take you away from all of those things. I know your family is going to be away for awhile, but I have faith that if you look ahead, as you are, and come up with a plan, and see yourself carrying that plan out, you can continue this path, even past the date your fasting ends.

[lost_one]

hey charly22 thanks for the help.. i do that copy paste thing.. :).. and for the recovery.. i am looking for that plan... but for now it feels like there is none.. just hope that i don't fall back into that old state.. GO WITH THE FLOW..

[Steelerfan27]

L1,

I'm happy to hear that you're doing well so far. Since it sounds like you have some nice distractions for a few more days, just enjoy it. But when the day comes that you have to much time on your hands, make sure to log onto TTF to help keep you resolve up. Also, think about how awesome it has been to abstain for so long and think about how it would be a shame to go back to square one. We don't want that. We want to be completely free of this pain and suffering. Just remember, the longer you abstain from it, the easier it gets. You can do this:)

[lost_one]

L1,

make sure to log onto TTF to help keep you resolve up.

hi steelerfan27.. you are right about logging to TTF.. its been such a relief here.. but sometimes it feels like i am in a hospital.. doesn't matter.. still worth it.. :)

Just remember, the longer you abstain from it, the easier it gets. You can do this:)

That is so true.. I can feel it.. had billions of ways last night.. but was easier to avoid than before..

[lost_one]

day 42..

Good part: focused..
Bad part: alone.. million ways to act out.. temporary reason expiry date 31st Aug 2011..

Conclusion: WTF

[JenMac]

day 42..

Good part: focused..
Bad part: alone.. million ways to act out.. temporary reason expiry date 31st Aug 2011..

Conclusion: WTF

Hey Lost!
42 days! Wow! Good job!
I am so glad you are here and hope it gets easier as you move forward! I am hoping you can continue on this great path that you have started!
Glad to see you coming here! Keep coming back, as often as is necessary!
All the best!
Jenn