Recovery, Is it even possible?

[lost_one]

I think this is common experience when stopping any addiction, I know it is in p addiction. I have witnessed it in my husband, along with many other surges of emotions that have been suppressed due to p use. You say you've been reading up on the subject, and I'm sure you've learned that being caught in p addiction numbs your emotions. I hope one of the reasons that you add to your list of reasons to quit, is to be able to feel and experience true life, not one that is numbed and avoided and caught in a vaccuum.

Yet another reason to extend your goal, because each time you go back, and then have to quit again, you will exprience these withdrawals all over again.

I have faith that in time, this anger and bitterness will balance out, if you put the right plan in place, and the right tools to use. I have faith that you will.

Thanks for sharing....

hi charly22.. its nice to receive support from all you beautiful people in here.. thanks..
that is very true that I want to experience the true life.. in fact it is one of the biggest reason I want to quit.. i remember in my two faced life i have seen people admiring me and wanted to be like me in certain ways.. but i have always asked myself, if they knew about the dark side of me.. would they still feel that way..
i think this is a battle with myself, the rival is me.. and the interesting thing in this fight is that the more i get to know him the easier it becomes to win..

[JenMac]

i remember in my two faced life i have seen people admiring me and wanted to be like me in certain ways.. but i have always asked myself, if they knew about the dark side of me.. would they still feel that way..


Hi Lost!
Nice to see you posting in your journal!
I have heard Mac say the exact same thing that you said above. 'If they only knew...'
Well, as time has gone on Lost, I think that mac can feel very good about the fact that he now is living a life with no secrets to be discovered, no burdens that he is carrying. As he puts more time and distance between him and those dark times of his life, he is feeling so much more confident and happy, living a life free from self loathing and insecurity.
I believe that you can experience the same thing as you move forward.
I am glad that you are here Lost!
Keep coming back!
Jenn

[healme]

Lost_one

Glad you are here posting......keep it up and remember why you are here in the first place.

Ask yourself 3 questions before you view P.

1) Do I really want to throw my life away?
2) Will I feel bad after I view P?
3) Who will suffer in the end.....the industry or me?

There are a lot of people rooting for you!

Healme

[lost_one]

@Jen.. I think the biggest reason why Mac has found his way is because he has such a caring person in his life.. I sometimes think if I had that girl in my life whom I have lost now.. I would've never followed this way.. cuz i remember when I had her.. I wouldn't barely think about P then.. but now things are change.. its different and much more difficult this time because I am all alone with no direct support.. I do believe God is always with me, and always guides me to the directions and give me chances.. and I have faith that his help is far better than any creature in this life..

@healme.. thank you, those must be very useful for the recovery in this matter.. but to let you know.. I have tried to answer many many questions like those before slipping..but they never actually work in my case i guess.. my dark side is here to answer the ones u noted..

1) I don't give a fish about life anyway..
2) Haah.. what about now.. this very moment? do I feel good now? no.. so that will at least take me away for hours from this state..
3) Me, so what.. I am suffering already..

I am sorry but I just don't want to fake it anymore.. It is still me who wrote this..its because the answers are now stored in my memory and are still very fresh..I am almost 21 days clean now.. it is the 6th day that i am fasting.. today and yesterday were the most difficult for me so far.. i have been arguing with my opponent for long long and am glad that to this point i am the winner.. thank you again and keep helping me.. i really need it..

[JenMac]

@Jen.. I think the biggest reason why Mac has found his way is because he has such a caring person in his life.. I sometimes think if I had that girl in my life whom I have lost now.. I would've never followed this way.. cuz i remember when I had her.. I wouldn't barely think about P then.. but now things are change.. its different and much more difficult this time because I am all alone with no direct support.. I do believe God is always with me, and always guides me to the directions and give me chances.. and I have faith that his help is far better than any creature in this life..



Hey Lost!
First of all, thank you!
I do agree that it must be tremendously helpful to have someone in your life to support you through this. A person who can not only give you reason to want to be free of this, but who can help support and guide you as well.
However, I am always buoyed by the number of men who are here, seeking support of their own volition. To me, that shows that they know the damage that this is causing them and that is an important realization for them to have. It shows a desire for recovery that may not be in place for the ones who came here on the heels of being caught. It shows that they 'get it' at least on some level. You and others like you are further ahead in some ways, upon arrival. Of course learning for all is bound to happen once we get here.
Lost, I know it must be difficult to keep that resolve when there is only yourself to be accountable to, but I would hasten to add that by doing this recovery of your own accord, by strengthening your spirit and honouring your innerself, you will foster your wellbeing, build your confidence and like yourself a whole lot better than you do now. And how awesome is that?
And once you have done this for yourself, you will no doubt have the opportunity to carry this into your new life and relationships.
I am pulling for you Lost!
All the best!
Jenn

[Teemo]

Lost_One,

It seems you are questioning whether this fight is worth it. It is worth it. When you can't feel it or explain it, it is still worth it. YOU are worth it.

You don't know what your future holds. You don't know what the possibilities are for you. Be ready for the possibilities. Be the person you were meant to be. Do not let this addiction rob you of the life you were meant to live. Keep going. Keep writing. Keep coming here for support. Keep doing everything you can think of to build a life free of addiction. You are going to come out on top of this.

[StarPuppy]

I would like to say welcome and congrats in taking the first step.

I think its good that you have recognised the faults and take steps to improve it. Welcome aboard :)

[lost_one]

Hi everyone.. I am fine to this time n its mainly because of the reason that I am fasting and also the support I am getting through this board. I am 25 days good now just 18 more days to go. I have been sensing many withdrawal effects recently but if I have a reason I know I can do it.. And jen and teemo I totally agree with every word u have said in ur last reply..

[maggie]

Lost One... you are not lost... You searched for support and you have found your way here, with others who are willing to take this journey along with you.

Your fasting and commitment are solid proof of your strength.

I do need to remind myself that i have this illness otherwise i would go back as before as i used to think nothing was wrong with me

You seem to recognize what is going wrong.
The p industry and its money grubbing performers and illlusionists have tried to con you and many others, but you are not sick / ill.... since you clearly realize that it is affecting you in a negative way and that it needs to stop. Really sick people cannot see that something they are doing is harmful or wrong and continue on without a care.

I hope you find the strength to continue with your successes.

maggie

[lost_one]

You seem to recognize what is going wrong.
The p industry and its money grubbing performers and illlusionists have tried to con you and many others, but you are not sick / ill.... since you clearly realize that it is affecting you in a negative way and that it needs to stop. Really sick people cannot see that something they are doing is harmful or wrong and continue on without a care.

I hope you find the strength to continue with your successes.

maggie

I agree with you.. and I think this subject has been discovered and researched recently or I believe since the year 2000 few people recognized it as a true problem and still has remained silent or lets say in majority cases until we as victims or SOs find our way to support..

and this is a personal opinion.. since its the matter of programming our mind to admit that these illusions are real I doubt that it would only be for the sake of money.. such an increase and attacks on each and every society with this stuff cannot be for money alone..