Onthepath

[Onthepath]

I found this site after my recent pledge to work towards recovery. I have a long history of addiction, but I never really believed I was an addict until the last couple of years. I always thought my problem was something I would eventually grow out of magically but I am now in my 30's and nothing has changed.
I have attempted to stop many times, only to fail, become depressed, and give up.
I have been successful in the past, I was clean for a year and a half at one point, so I know it is possible... but that was a long time ago and I know I need some sort of support. I hope this forum can provide some sort of accountability, support, and maybe some helpful tips.

[Onthepath]

I originally posted the above post in the new members area and I reposted it here just to keep my thoughts on one page.
It has now been around 29 days totally P/MB free and I'm feeling so much better about myself and having a very optimistic outlook. I know this is only the beginning but I am in this for the long run. I still have temptations constantly but I don't let them rule me. I succsessfully endured a 5-day business trip alone in a hotel without backsliding and that gave me some serious confidence. I'll try to keep this journal up to date and share some more of my experiences.

[JenMac]

HI Onthepath!
Welcome to TTF! You have found your way here and that means you are indeed on a good path! This is a great place to be to overcome this insidious addiction! There are many members here who have walked the same path and share many of your struggles. They are a great source of wisdom and can provide you with the guidance, support and encouragement that will assist you along your way! There is no support greater than from those who know fully what you are dealing with! Read up on the journals of the PAs here and also those of the SOs. You will find some very wise and wonderful people here! Reading the articles and resources that you find here will be helpful to you as well.
My H, Mac and I have belonged to TTF for the last 6 months and it has been a Godsend for us. The people here have inspired us and supported us, they have been instrumental in our recovery from this dreadful place in our lives. Being here gives us a common ground to deal with our difficulties and allows us to sort out our feelings. It has provided a starting point for many indepth discussions for us.
Wishing you all the best as you start your journey! It seems like you have already made a great beginning!
Keep coming back!
Look forward to hearing more from you and if you have an SO, perhaps she would like to join us here too! There are many wonderful SOs here who encourage each other on!
Jenn

[HopefulsRock]

Onthepath, congratulations on your 29 days clean and it sounds like they came in some very challenging times, very impressive. I think I hoped for some of that magical stuff to cure me as well but it never came until being confronted by my wife (Hopeful) back in March and I finally had to quit hiding my dirty secret and then once it was out and the embarrassment subsided I found it so liberating to finally let go of a that crap that had burdened me for years. You my friend are young and I commend you for recognizing it is a bad habit that's ruining you and reaching out for help here at TTF. Even after a few months of my recovery I still had a hard time believing that I was addicted because it's a hard thing to let down your ego and admit such a thing and when I finally did my emotions and tears came flowing out to my wife and I finally had a new found clarity. You've done it before for a year and a half and you sound like you're well on your way this time to a successful recovery especially with your new support team here at TTF. Keep reading and keep posting and you'll find your commitment and resolve strengthening along the way.

[Onthepath]

Thanks a lot! I am through the first month and not looking back. Still a major challenge that I have to constantly keep myself in check, but a month is amazing to me. I am feeling so good right now. Thanks for the support.

[Onthepath]

Well I am through about 42 days totally P/MB free! I don't want to let myself get confident because I know that will ruin me. I am just taking it one day at a time keeping my guard up constantly. I am currently on another business trip away from my family for a few days and I know its going to be rough every day. Just going to make sure to keep busy and keep those thoughts clean. I am determined to not let this habit rule me. I want to be in control of my life and I don't want to let this stupid habit be the scar that marrs an otherwise clean life.

[mell]

Onthepath,

A belated welcome to TTF!

Sounds like you are doing well in your recovery efforts. Journalling has been a huge help to me, I post daily, even if I don't have anything relative to post about. The support you will recieve here is amazing!

Glad to see you have put together 42 days, that is awesome! Just remember, as it has been said many times.....Every day is day one. I just had a real struggle on day 80 something, but with help and support I made it through and grew from it.

Best wishes to you, hope to see you around more.

[HopefulsRock]

Onthepath I love hearing your success, congrats! You said it yourself how good you're feeling so just wrap yourself around this new way of being and acting and continue to enjoy it. I can read your strength and confidence building in every post, stay strong my friend.

[Onthepath]

Day 50. Still fighting every day. I can't say my thoughts have been totally pure but I haven't used any P or MB'd during the last month and a half. It is WAY harder than I thought this would be and I have urges all the time... but I feel like my drive is lessening somewhat and each day seems a little easier (but not easy by any means). I am starting to feel closer to my family and not have so much guilt plaguing me in the back of my mind. I just turned 32 yesterday and want this to be a turning point and have this year be totally P Free.

[2frustrated]

Just want to cheer you on . . .