The Ibrahimi journal

[Ibrahim]

Dear friends,

I am starting my fight once more after relapsin too many times. My triggers are:

- feeling sad
- being alone
- triggers when watching TV or reading Internet news
- thinking every time that it will be the last time

I am in my mid 20s and I really want to become totally porn free. In order to achieve this I will write about my struggle more or less every day for the time being.

THank you!

[JenMac]

Hi Ibrahim!
Welcome to TTF! I am happy you have found your way here as this is a great place to be to fight your addiction. You will find wonderful support here from many who share your struggles. The best support you can find is from people who have walked the same path as you have.
I am an SO here and my H Mac is also here. WE have been here for almost 7 months. We are working together to rebuild our relationship after this devastating intrusion.
There are many great resources here at TTF so take some time to browse the journals and articles. Starting your journal is great too as you will get lots of feedback and encouragement from the members here through your journal. Start to think about putting together a plan to assist you in reaching your goals.
You are already aware you have a problem Ibrahim! That is the first step to recovery. Awareness, Acceptance, Action. You seem to be already at the action stage! You are stepping in the right direction!
Wishing you all the best as you begin your journey!
Keep coming back! YOu are in the right place!
Jenn

[Ibrahim]

Dear friends,

I didnt manage even one day after my relapse yesterday, tonight my trigger was being alone with my laptop in my room :-(( This is so sad. However I am still determined to overcome this, and I would love to get some supportive words.

Thank you...

[Ibrahim]

Dear Jenmac, thank you for such a nice and encouraging message!

I will read you and your Hs posts to learn. I pray that you and your Hs succeed in overcoming this addiction, he is lucky he has your support, and I think he deserves it since he wants to quit. This addiction is so dangerous, I really hate P, creating obstacles between myself and God and wasting several hours - but still I relapse. It is not an easy task to overcome this addiction - but being determined and through prayers I hope I will succed.

Cutting it short, this is my background: I am a religious and spiritual person, but still I have been addicted to porn and masturbation from I was 14-19, the last 4-5 years I have several pure periods, thanks God almighty. My first introduction was what I call semi porn on MTV, then pictures on Internet, eventually getting into streaming porn. I have tried to stop so many times but I always failed, maximum after a few weeks.

Then, when I turned 19 I managed to stop for maybe 6-7 months, before I relapsed. I feel that I am such an evil person when I relapse, I hate myself and I get depressed.

My longest pure period was one year, from winter 2007-winter 2008, but I relapsed.

Hi Ibrahim!
Welcome to TTF! I am happy you have found your way here as this is a great place to be to fight your addiction. You will find wonderful support here from many who share your struggles. The best support you can find is from people who have walked the same path as you have.
I am an SO here and my H Mac is also here. WE have been here for almost 7 months. We are working together to rebuild our relationship after this devastating intrusion.
There are many great resources here at TTF so take some time to browse the journals and articles. Starting your journal is great too as you will get lots of feedback and encouragement from the members here through your journal. Start to think about putting together a plan to assist you in reaching your goals.
You are already aware you have a problem Ibrahim! That is the first step to recovery. Awareness, Acceptance, Action. You seem to be already at the action stage! You are stepping in the right direction!
Wishing you all the best as you begin your journey!
Keep coming back! YOu are in the right place!
Jenn

[JenMac]

HI again I!
I hope you will succeed too! You are right, this is a allconsuming evil addiction. It is frightening to the extreme where this has all gotten to! I am so saddened that the young people of today have to deal with this sickness in society!
YOu have a will Ibrahim and you are a spiritual person so you can gain strength from that too. I know it must be discouraging to have the will to quit and yet you fall back but perhaps you need to learn the tools to recovery. You need to set a plan for yourself. You need to come up with a list of alternative things you are going to do when you feel that you may relapse. What are you going to do to replace this behaviour, what are you going to do when the urge happens? Plan for it. Get busy, change your habits, put a filter on your computer, join a recovery group, seek counselling, get a sponsor, and accountability partner etc. etc. Write you plans down so you are aware of them. Spend no time alone on your computer, keep your computer in a common area. What else are you willing to do?
YOu seem serious in your desire to overcome this, you need to be as serious in your planning. That is what will make the difference. Read up on the industry that you have been supporting - all of the degrading and abusive actions towards women. That is something that doesn't sit right to anyone who has strong moral values. This is something that my H and I found extremely helpful in this battle. Be careful though as some info could be triggering.
Keep coming here I, make it a habit to post here often, express yourself whether you are feeling good or not. I find it so helpful to get my thoughts down on paper, it really is a healing thing for me. It helps me to organize my thoughts and feelings and enables me to let them go, if even for a little while. I hope you find that too!
Wishing you all the best Ibrahim!
You are in the right place!
Jenn