where do I go, what do I do?

[Confused]

I started my new journal today, I hate writing its so difficult for me now. There is so much I need to say but my life has been so long of noone listening, I dont know where to start. Maybee its the fact that I was the youngest of 12 children, or maybee it was the car accident. I have no clue but I hope I can find a door here that will open and shed some light on this problem I have with porn. I had another dissagreement with my wife this evening on this topic, and it all leaves me with no direction. All she hears is lies, nothing I say is the truth to her. Again noone listening to me, but I know that this is my problem not hers. So where do I go for support, I cant continue to be beat down day after day. Even though it is my addiction, I still need support, or am I out in left feild, and I deserve the chastisement. I'm so beatup and ashamed at myself its hard to talk with her about it =((. I dont know what to say or do if I loose her again, I'm not going to be able to handle it. If she reads this she will probably take it as just talk, or more excuses. I ernestly need some advice on which direction to go, and if you read this you will have to be forgiving my mind doesnt work as well as it used to. You may have to say things 2,3 or even 4 times before I can pick them up and store them in my brain. Thats another thing that people dont get, I was in a car accident 25 yrs ago and recieved a TBI sometimes I will lose things right in the middle of doing them. I know I need help this is not a good thing thats part of my life and I need to get rid of it.

[JenMac]

HI Ray!
I can hear the anxiety and despair in your words! I am sorry you are in this painful place in your life. You will be heard here! There are many here who have been in the same place in their lives as you are now. This place is full of wise and wonderful people who will share their experiences and struggles with you in the hopes of offering you guidance in your quest to become Pfree.
I am an SO here and myself and my H Mac have been here for approximately 6 months. We have found great support here which has helped us on our path to healing from this terrible place we found ourselves in. My H committed to becoming free of P and I committed to supporting him through this if he was working hard on his recovery. It has been a long and painful journey but we are now feeling stronger and closer, more connected than in the past.
I am glad you have found TTF Ray! Read up, learn from others, keep writing in your journal. There are many here who will reach out to you. I hope you can find healing and peace in their words. I know for us, this site has been a Godsend! I hope you will grow to feel this way too!
All the best as you start your journey!
Perhaps your wife would consider joining us?
Jenn

[MyNameIsMatt]

As I mentioned in your introduction post, reading so many of the threads on this forum is a good source of support, ideas, and reflection. The problem I have with forum reading is the thoughts can be fragmented. Reading books on the topic proved to be a cohesive way to get from point A to point B.

My favorite book so far has been In the Shadows of the Net. While the first few chapters were not very useful to me, the rest proved to be very helpful, and presented in a serious tone yet never crossed into overly religious, condescending, cheesy, or harpy.

Another one I am reading now, The Porn Trap, seems pretty good so far, but some of the alleged quotes and stories just seem too far-fetched and cheesy for me. Some of the things they say just read to me as being manufactured to prove a point or open a discussion as opposed to being the truth.

The wife and I started reading Love and Pornography, but it got too much for her. Granted it was also in the first week or so of my recovery, so feels most likely played a roll. I hope to start reading this with her again in the future.

So yeah, books are a good source of comfort as well as education.

Good luck.

[mell]

Ray,

Read, read, read, then do, do, do. There are many here who have posted about their stratagies, successes, and failures. I would start at the Recovery Journals, find a few you like and study them.

I agree with you about needing support. Just try to understand that your wife is hurting a lot right now. She has to be ready to support you. This generally comes after some improvement and a visible commitment on your part.

Best wishes. This forum will always be here when you need strength.

-Mell

[chasman62]

Ray:

You found your way to TTF. That is a terrific first step. This is a wonderful community of people who have trodden a mile or two in your size 10s and are willing and able to help.

Commit to posting here....doesn't matter what or when just post. You are not writing for an audience but for you. It helps a lot to get your thoughts out on virtual paper.

I didnt find reading books very useful myself (full of fairly obvious stuff I thought) but a lot have so certainly try that. Read the journals on here, both the PA and the SO journals are full of wisdom and joy and yes heartbreak too.

You have to commit to showing your wife you are serious. Draw up a plan of action and stick to it. Commit to not just freeing yourself from p but to changing your life and your relationships. You won't believe how powerful a force that can be in helping you forge ahead in recovery.

Welcome and thanks for posting.

Chas

[Confused]

ty for your support and advice, I believe this is what my wife and I need. My wife is already a junior member on this site, and it's something she needed very much. I hope this is something that will assist me, I've been p free now for about 2 weeks, and it seems to be gettin easier, hopefully thats not a catch and I'm not lettin my guard down. Well ty again and hopefully we'll have more incitefull texts.

[SimplyMe]

Just wanted to say glad you are here, Thank you.

[Confused]

I tried to fix an issue today, that came up when me and my SO split up. I think it stirred-up bad feelings for her, which she has every right to. I'm not really sure how to handle it or if I even should, does anyone out there have any direction for me.

[Confused]

This site seems to be helping both of us to better communicate our feelings to each other w/out ending in an argument. For that I am grateful, that issue that happened yesterday seems to be working out well. It looks like we'll be able to work it out and maintain both our sanities.

[JenMac]

Hi Confused!
I think that that is the great thing about this site, it really does help us learn to communicate our thoughts and feelings better. And that is a great thing to be able to do during this stressful time in our lives.
Mac and I have found ourselves better able to discuss anything and everything without resorting to anger or shutting down. That is what has helped us the most through this. Coming here also gives us many starting points for conversations that we wouldn't have otherwise. We can also express ourselves here for our partners to read and understand what we are feeling.
All of this makes it so worthwhile to be here!
I am glad you are here Confused and that you have committed to recovery for yourself and for your relationship!
All the best!
Jenn